punishment

[Racmactac]

DS10 and his brother DS8 were fighting, I told them to stop and DS10 got hurt, nothing serious.
DS10 then went and attempted to destroy a present that DS8 had for Xmas - a fairly expensive and much loved one.

I am furious and have grounded him for a week and told him he cannot do his sport on sunday. I have now text the coach in charge of the group who has said that he wont have enough players for team.

So AIBU to stick to punishment or would you allow him to go for sake of team?

Well, mine aren't brats I can assure you :)

I would definitely reconsider as your/his commitment is important and letting people down when it is avoidable (ie not an injury) is unacceptable and raises as many issues as being seen to back down.

I am never afraid to apologise to my dc when I think I have overreacted. I think it's important that they see that being able to apologise and reflect on your actions is a grown up thing to do.

I think consequences should relate to the behaviour in question - so he has to earn money to pay for a replacement/repairs, swap for his or not be allowed access to the device etc.

I am more of the school of talking about these things rather than outright punishment, as I want them to understand and learn rather than resent and seethe and miss the point. But, I recognise we all have different approaches an mine may be seen as too permissive. Plus, my dc are younger so I may have to change my approach.

I personally never punished and never took anything off DS. Praised the good and totally ignored the bad, and I mean ignored. He got absolutely nothing. I always told him he'd get far more for behaving in a correct manner,
so he did.

In saying that, you have two that fight, that is a separate issue.

I'd let them get on with it unless blood was drawn. They'll work it it between them. I'd not really get involved nor would I dish out a harsher punishment for the older.

I don't often stick to punishments either. I rarely have to punish them to be honest and when I do and can see they're sorry and regretful I tend to let it go. Because I am not in the business of being adversarial with my kids and being The Boss. I can assure they're lovely, thoughtful, caring children and everyone says so . Punishing is just one choice you can make in bringing up your children. I don't choose to do it. Well not often anyway.

You can't let the team down. It isn't fair to the other boys or to anyone else involved in organising the match.

You need to substitute another punishment, such as removal of his screen time, extending his grounding, increasing his chores or docking his pocket money.

I would tell him you have reconsidered and it's not right to let the team down. So he can play the match. But grounding extended by another day.

To the PP questioning lack of subs: I know a team who compete internationally st the highest level in their sport but are all amateurs with jobs and lives and pay to take part. They of course have subs but al it takes is a few injuries to really affect them. I'm not surprised a children's football team has these issues

I think an important part of learning self discipline is learning to honour commitment and be part of a team, and in football , be a bad loser. So I think it was a mistake to demonstrate that you will disregard commitment to a team.

Talk to him about spite and revenge, how immature it is and how badly it reflects on him. And tell him that he needs to learn to control impulses like that to be a footballer .

Ask him to apologise , with sincerity, to his brother.