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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that lots of people fawn over people with money?

65 replies

Hikea · 28/01/2016 16:17

I have always found this to be the case, but in the last few years a woman who is a FB friend of mine got together with a bloke who is well off and who has a lovely house, huge top of the range 4 by 4, goes on exotic holidays etc. They have had a child together recently too.

Since she has been living her new 'wealthy lifestyle' she has become much more popular than she was before, to the point where she is getting hundreds of FB comments about how fabulous she is and hundreds of likes on each photo she puts on. It was her child's birthday the other day and people kept doing statuses about her child, wishing her a happy birthday. Local friends literally treat her like a celebrity, like they are waiting on tenterhooks for the next installment of her glamorous life.

Likewise there is a mum at my DCs school who appears wealthy, and isn't really a very nice person, yet is probably the most popular parent at the school, and is fawned over and treated like royalty (not by me!)

Why do people with lots of money get put on a pedestal like this? I can never understand it! I like a person because I like the person, not because of how much money they have or have not got!

OP posts:

KeyserSophie · 29/01/2016 12:09

I think it's mainly a phenomena when people become wealthy very suddenly (like lottery winner or marry a millionaire) because their social circle hasn't "adjusted" with their wealth. So, for example, most investment bankers know and socialise with a lot of other investment bankers, city lawyers, partners in top accounting firms etc. They started off not that rich (albeit on good salaries) and became rich over a few decades. It didn't happen overnight. Now they all have high incomes. Private school, four holidays a year, couple of decent cars- just normal in their circle. Nothing to be impressed by. By contrast, the "overnight millionaire" has the same social circle as when they were penniless, so they stand out more.

ppeatfruit · 29/01/2016 12:14

True Cottonfrock

Keyser And some of the 'nouveau riche' LOVE to stand out among their peers on FB.

Philoslothy · 29/01/2016 12:18

I am new shout about it money, think footballer's wife on crack. Nobody fawns over me. I also think that if we have been lucky enough to have a bit of cash we can buy trousers without holes in and a bit of bling.

Roussette · 29/01/2016 12:41

I know a couple (not strictly friends, but friends of friends) and they are forever showing off. He talks about his big bonus, his huge salary, his corporate this that and the other, she is like a WAG and it's all about them and their holidays, house, days out to Ascot, etc.

However, I know without doubt all is not what it seems. Don't want to out myself, but needless to say I imagine I am much better off than them and they have run up a lot of debt with something, and owe a lot with this particular thing. It's all show. I have to bite my tongue when they start on this nonsense because it's actually all lies. How sad to feel you can't be liked without this showing off.

So, basically, anyone who is continually showing off about it, might well not have it. I take no notice and find it a bit pathetic TBH.

toffeeboffin · 29/01/2016 13:14

Ha'penny millionaires.

Anyone with real money doesn't mention it, 'specially not on FB.

mouldycheesefan · 29/01/2016 13:21

Op, when you say wealthy what do you mean? As it sounds more like nouveau riche. Wealthy people don't put ai tire of a new pair of shoes on Facebook.

Namechange02 · 29/01/2016 13:47

I think some of this goes on. And also agree that FB is just for showing off.

And I also think some people with money genuinely think they are somehow better because they are well-off (without thinking that they are there due to luck - even if they've worked hard they've been blessed with the talent/intelligence/insight etc to earn the money). I have come across a few people who are very choosy about who they associate with.

snowymountaintops · 29/01/2016 14:06

DC's go to a school where two of the pupils are DC's of a famous couple (actors) and they drive around in an old van and frequently park up and take the dogs across the fields looking just like anyone else. Old jeans, wellies etc, if you didn't know who they were you would never guess they were well off and famous.

Another parent there is obviously wealthy (very expensive car, clothes, hair cuts etc) and to be fair she's very nice and we are good friends but I'm amazed at the fawning that goes on around her. She never boasts on FB just puts up normal stuff like anyone else might but omg the comments from the fawners are just nauseating. Do they really think that the wealth might rub off on them somehow? It makes me cringe a bit and I often wonder what she thinks of it but a tricky question to ask!

It's very interesting to observe from an anthropological perspective though.

angelos02 · 29/01/2016 14:20

People that are used to having money, don't flaunt it. Insecure people that have to show off how they have 'made it' in life, do.

CottonFrock · 29/01/2016 14:21

Fair enough, Philoslothy - the holey trousers aren't compulsory! But why are you new 'shout about it' money? Why not buy your new diamond-encrusted trousers and just enjoy them? I mean, are you suggesting you habitually post photos selfies of you wearing your latest pair of diamond-encrusted trousers on FB?

SurlyValentine · 29/01/2016 14:32

Roussette my dear departed great-grandmother would have called your friends-of-friends "all fur coat and no knickers"

I know a lot of people who are very wealthy, and the fawning I see happening over them is really embarrassing sometimes. Occasionally, when I am with some of my wealthy friends, they are approached by acquaintances of theirs who are then introduced to me, and I get fawned over too, because they don't know who I am or what I might have. Very sad really.

tobysmum77 · 29/01/2016 14:35

Yanbu op but I think it's only some people who fawn and it's not always the fault of the person at the centre. It's needy people who lack confidence who follow it.

The80sweregreat · 29/01/2016 14:43

Money is the root of all evil. People who brag are the worst. I hate this!

ivejusthadacake · 29/01/2016 14:46

ive seen this at school a bit. like attracting like or lower middle class in awe of upper middle class or trying to engineer children's friendships with the (perceived) "right" people.

the fawned over person in my social circle is lovely and doesnt show off about anything, people enquire info about her stuff : ive just seen people ask her about her new car they've spotted or her new coat or be amazed about her holiday or new kitchen etc. think its because she has an aspirational lifestyle.

JaneAustinAllegro · 29/01/2016 14:55

I clocked this at school too. Someone who took a few of us out for a birthday lunch to a well known london restaurant and when I thanked her at the end she bellowed across the whole restaurant "I'm RICH so I can do this kind of thing, it's why i like being RICH"
it was mortifying.
I've also realised that the people who do it tend not to be the ones who've generated the wealth.

morningtoncrescent62 · 29/01/2016 14:58

That's interesting on the FB posts, OP. I noticed something similar with a friend who was recently promoted, and became the boss of lots of her colleagues who were also FB friends. Since she became the boss, the numbers of likes for everything she posts has shot up astronomically. It's really striking.

SpoiltMardyCow · 29/01/2016 15:13

My neighbour just won the lottery (1.5 million) and you should see the people swarming all around him.

The worst is that his daughter just got a tattoo reading "daddy's little girl' all the way down the front of her thigh.......

He still drinks cask wine but just bought a lamborghini. Go figure.

Roussette · 29/01/2016 16:07

SurlyValentine Yes! Your GGM is spot on!

This couple have their fawners too - especially the women about the wife and she laps it up. He's just ridiculous with his bragging. When I'm in a social group, I'm desperate to shout "they're brassic doncha know!!"

Instead I sit there with a silly grin on my face because just knowing it's all tripe they're talking is enough for me

SurlyValentine · 29/01/2016 16:13

The thing is, Rousette, if you did shout out "they're skint and it's all an act!", you'd be accused of jealousy and god-alone-knows what else.

It'll all come crashing down around their ears one day. Then see how many members of their fan club come rushing forward to help them out. Not many, I'll bet

Roussette · 29/01/2016 16:19

Yes, absolutely right SurlyV. I just wish they didn't feel the need to monopolise conversations with showing off about money like they do! And they're really quick to make others feel small for not being so prolific with their dosh.

Thank god they're not my friends, they just happen to be in my social circle and friends with some others we know. My 'inside information' is quite eye popping actually and I've held my counsel with great difficulty

One day the truth will out!

Philoslothy · 29/01/2016 16:58

Fair enough, Philoslothy - the holey trousers aren't compulsory! But why are you new 'shout about it' money? Why not buy your new diamond-encrusted trousers and just enjoy them? I mean, are you suggesting you habitually post photos selfies of you wearing your latest pair of diamond-encrusted trousers on FB?

I can't help being new money - we earned it rather than inheriting it. We are not used to money and therefore we buy a lot of things because quite frankly it is still exciting that we can afford to buy food each week never mind luxuries. So although we don't post endless pictures on FB of things we bought we don't feel the need to do the middle class competitive poverty thing. If I want something I buy it and feel no need to hide that we have a bit of cash.

tobysmum77 · 29/01/2016 20:39

Philoslothy there is no issue at all, but you made one in the comment upthread. But in relation to competitive middle class 'poverty' people have different attitudes to money. Some people prioritise long term security over luxuries. Perhaps people who have never gone without think less about material stuff? But tbh if no one spent their money the economy would be stuffed.

Philoslothy · 29/01/2016 21:03

I am not offended, I am very aware that I am a classless vulgar fishwife - but I am as happy as a pig in muck so it is all good

Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 29/01/2016 22:32

I find it hilarious when people shout about how much money they have. My best friend has recently married a man who is richer than anyone we collectively know could possibly imagine. She doesn't show off at all. She incredulously tells stories of when they needed a new bed, he took her straight in to Heals that day, and how they are planning on buying a new ski lodge on the family plot (she's never been skiing before). She absolutely can't believe the lifestyle herself. And he is a really really lovely guy. And I don't think the money has given him a particularly happy life what with a foreign boarding school so while we are all impressed at first by the huge central London houses, if he'd turned out to have been a knob we wouldn't have entertained him for a minute

snowymountaintops · 30/01/2016 08:46

Morningtoncrescent I can kind of understand the fawning over someone who has recently become your boss as possibly your future promotion, pay etc depends on it slightly.

To fawn over someone wealthy though? Do they expect the wealthy person to start flinging about £20 notes with gay abandon? It just doesn't make any sense to me and is weird to observe

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