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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think being a mother is hard?!

45 replies

moopymoodle · 27/01/2016 20:09

I love my kids more then life itself but days or a run of days like today and I often wonder what the hell is going on!

I have 2 boys, both under 7. They bicker constantly and when they aren't bickering they are play fighting or pulling every bloody toy in the house out.

I can deal with everything motherhood throws at me but the guilt. The guilt I feel after telling them off or occasionally shouting ruins me! It's awful as I really do love them to bits and to feel overwhelmed and get angry goes against my maternal instinct arghh.

I know deep down I don't have to be the perfect Disney Mum. Please tell me other Mums feel like this sometimes?!

OP posts:

nutbrownhare15 · 28/01/2016 07:50

Ahaparenting.com is good if you would like some tips to avoid shouting. My daughter is tiny so I guess. I have all this to come. I an realising that motherhood is brilliant and bloody hard whatever age they are

TwinklyMusic · 28/01/2016 07:55

I agree with everything everyone is saying. I have three and it's the persistency of everything that's so wearying. If I dare to sit down, then without fail one of them will immediately need me, or a drink or whatever. If I come home late from work, starving and exhausted, they need their mummy 'fix' (or just to give me an aggrieved earful of what one of the other ones did or said or didn't do) before I can think about food or changing my clothes or (heaven forbid) taking the weight off my feet. Even going to the toilet usually means someone is banging on the door saying 'mummy what are you doing in there, come out, I need to tell you something'.

But... BUT...

I think the alternative (not having any children) would be immeasurably worse.

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/01/2016 07:56

Agree with Penny.

Hurrah 🍸

london32 · 28/01/2016 08:00

Totally agree with all that's been said

My dad was very honest with me and said never have kids until you've done or set up most of the things you want to in life, as so much will be on hold for years or never happen.

And that nobody can ever imagine losing their freedom until it happens.

And that parenting is resent less and thankless, he said especially for sahm as the children never thank you and then reset your lack of wages when they're teenagers

Really glad he was honest! I was well prepared psychologically I think compared with the 'hearts and flower types I met who were in shock for a long time after

christmaswreaths · 28/01/2016 08:19

Yes I worry about my brother and his girlfriend who keep telling everyone "they are not like everyone else, children won't change their lives at all" - she is 5 months' pregnant.

They've seen me run ragged with 4 children and a career yet they think that it will be entirely different for them as "they have tranquil personalities". Sigh.

For me the hardest part has been juggling a career with children. I feel I am always too tired and have zero time to myself. I feel like I am constantly on the go from 6am until 10pm every night. I am desperate for a career break just to get a breather really. My eldest is 11 and my youngest is 6 and you'd think it would get easier but it hasn't at all - in some ways it is a lot more demanding!!!

JustAWeeProblem · 28/01/2016 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waitingforsomething · 28/01/2016 08:22

Yanbu. It's so hard. My children are 3 and a baby and the frustration and boredom I feel daily makes me feel guilty. And then when I think about going back to work soon I feel guilty too. I think parenthood is just a big bag of guilt whatever you do but really we are all doing our best and giving our kids lots of love and keeping them safe, clean and healthy. Nothing else that you are or are not doing matters that much

JustAWeeProblem · 28/01/2016 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LBOCS2 · 28/01/2016 08:56

YY. My DM said to have children early or late because whatever happens, they become your priority in terms of time, financially, emotionally, in every way - for at least 20 years. So either do it early and have your life back in your 40s & 50s, or do it late and spend some time being 'selfish' first.

She was right. I love my DC, but I'm so glad I travelled and made a start on my career and bought a house before I had them - because there's no bloody way I could have done it in the middle of young-family-itis. It's too much.

Kitsandkids · 28/01/2016 09:31

It is bloody hard! I'm a foster carer, with no birth children, and I'd never known exhaustion like it for the first few months of having my boys! I would put them to bed and then go straight to bed myself! And I was lucky, they do generally always sleep through the night. I really admire parents of children who don't sleep well, as I can barely function if I'm sleep deprived!

I remember having a chat about parenting with my MIL one day and she said having kids wasn't hard work, so I disagreed and said I thought it was. She said, 'Oh, I never found it hard.' Well lucky you! I think she may be remembering the past with rose tinted glasses!

For me there's always something going on and changing. You think you've cracked one child's behaviour issue, then the other one starts misbehaving, for example. And there is constant worry.

I am still very happy with my career choice though.

Babyroobs · 28/01/2016 09:36

YANBU. I have 4 kids and even though most of them are teenagers and fortunately not too challenging, it is still a slog. I had a stresful day at work yesterday, got home waked the dog , did numerous chores, cooked 2 teas ( fussy kids), battled through traffic to get dd and her friend to football training, then did washing , ironing, 5 packed lunches etc. Thank god for a day off work today and some time to myself while they are at school, although the house is filthy. I have no idea how I coped when they were small ( I had 4 under 7 at one point !), it is all a blur and I don't have many good memories of that time.

YaySirNaySir · 28/01/2016 11:42

Yanbu.
Before dc I used to daydream about what parenthood would be like and it's nothing like reality.
Sadly I now daydream about when they leave home and are independent. Teens. DS is not too bad but wouldn't do anything if we didn't constantly nag him. DD is going to Grandmas for the weekend, as we have had enough of the attitude this week, which she wont have with gp's.

SausageSmuggler · 28/01/2016 11:50

YANBU at all. DH doesn't understand why I don't want to spend all weekend doing family things. I'm on mat leave with 3 kids under 6 (admittedly one is at school) and by the weekend I'm ready to tear my hair out! I need some space for my sanity.

SaggingTits · 28/01/2016 12:37

YesSir- my mum has 2 teens. When they've been awful she always says "roll on them leaving home!"

Jw35 · 28/01/2016 13:06

I have a 12 year old, 13 month old and I'm pregnant. The 13 month old has started squawking all the bloody time 'eh eh eh' about nothing! Grr! I don't shout (as it pointless) but I've started saying 'that's enough' in a stern voice or 'stop it' or 'there's nothing wrong with you'! I know it's a phase but honestly nap time is such a relief!

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/01/2016 20:30

The rhetoric around parenting - and motherhood especially - is all wrong. People are afraid of being honest about quite how hard it is.

I think this dishonesty explains why Mumsnet is so popular, and blogs like H4G as well. Because people are talking about what it's actually like. Yes, there is a lot of judgment on Mumsnet still, but it's also a space for (mostly) women to come and (anonymously) let down their guard about the reality of motherhood in way that's never really happened before.

MsJamieFraser · 28/01/2016 20:34

I would say YABU, I don't think being a mother and parent to my children is hard, its fitting everything else in that we find hard.

RubbleBubble00 · 28/01/2016 20:41

Separate corners. Any bickering/fighting - it's 5 mins time out. Amazing after two or three times they find something to occupy themselves. Or if ones in a awful mood then oldest gets his Nintendo and younger gets ipad for 10mins - brings tension down. Luckily the toddler just poodles about

FeelToBeFree · 28/01/2016 21:06

It is so hard. I have a six month old and a 2.5 year old. The baby is sick so I haven't had a block of sleep more than 2 hours long in a fortnight, and even that isn't a given. If I get five hours total a night I think I am doing well.

They are both bad sleepers at the best of times and I feel like I am losing my mind with exhaustion.

I always dreamt of a family of four, but I don't think I will be able to have another child. Physically and mentally I can't take any more. 😢

woopwoopitsdasoundofdapolice · 28/01/2016 21:23

Oh good it's not just me who feels like this... My children (5, 2 and 4mo) have ensured that I have not had one quiet minute alone all day since 5.23am this morning! And the bickering

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