Footballs !

[pinkydinkydoo13]

Hi Everyone .
I m being driven insane by my neighbours child and their footballs. I'm trying to be reasonable but it is becoming increasingly difficult. We have recently after years of saving started to get our garden the way we want it. We have had landscaping done, refenced and purchased a lot of beautiful plants. Although its not finished yet I m thrilled that we are getting somewhere near . The problem is this... we are regularly and by that I mean at least 3-4 times per day up to 15-20 times per day in summer having footballs flying over the fence damaging plants and on occasion hitting windows not to mention the constant slamming of the ball against the fence, which makes it extremely unpleasant to sit out.We didn t renew that section of fence as the neighbours said they wanted to do something else. However our fence that is there is smashed to pieces by the footballs banging against it. We also have an elderly dog , who is rather deaf but loves nothing more than lying in the sun. It came to our attention that when the balls came over the neighbours would lift the child over the fence to retrieve them. Our dog is lovely but due to concern for the child should anything happen with the dog we put screening up to make it higher. This did not stop the problem as they now just bringing him round, undo the 6 ft gate and let him in that way despite being asked not to. I have broached the subject numerous times with the mum but there is always some excuse and poor me comment, or ooh I'm so sorry, but nothing changes. What can I do ? I have older children of my own and know its difficult to occupy them sometimes but this is ridiculous. Or am I just being grumpy ?

It genuinely does concern me that this could happen but she just shrugs it off. The dog has a fantastic temprament but as you say when they re in pain etc there can be lapses. I m if anything did happen it would be a different story though .

Yes think we re going to get a combination lock for it, though I would nt be surprised if he didn t try to climb over, he climbs everything else 😐 They have a gazebo type structure on their side and he climbs to the top of that to see us if we re at the bottom of the garden . Think I need a 15ft fence 😊

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry you have to live next to such inconsiderate people. As other people have said, you need a lock for the gate and pronto.
Our neighbours are a little bit similar. To be fair, the lads are polite and they never ring the bell for their balls back but they are careless with letting them go over the fence. Currently, there are nine footballs dotted around the garden. I make a point of leaving them for about a fortnight before I toss them back over the fence. My husband takes a less passive aggressive stance - he deliberately waits until next doors bedsheets are on the line before slinging the muddy balls back over.

I have a feeling you might need to be straight with her, perhaps with your husband as witness so she doesn't railroad you!

My friends had similar from their (nice) neighbour. Unfortunately said neighbour didn't seem to register the football nuisance and promptly bought about 10 more footballs when the originals didn't immediately reappear

I'd be firm and explain about the dog, fence, gate, plants and repetitive noise. If she tries to dismiss it repeat firmly.

You have my sympathy.

My NDN's have 2 boys who kick a ball around constantly in the summer.

The issue is their garden is far to small and the balls keep getting kicked over the wall - right onto our seating area and into the pond next to it.

On one of the few sunny days last summer DH and I were in the garden trying to enjoy a glass of wine and all we could here was the thump thump of the football against the fence, then the knock on the gate asking to get the ball.

After the 5th time (each one asking them to be more careful)I finally lost my rag when the ball landed on the outside table, smashing our glasses and bounced into the pond splashing us . I refused to give the ball back until the next day.

The irony is my son is the same age and loves football - but guess what...he meets up with his friends at the playing field in the village (like every other kid) which is 5 mins away to play.

NDN however wants to keep an eye on her kids (early teens!) so insists they play in the too small garden.

This summer we have decided we will put our foot down from the get go. We've put a lock on the garden gate and will only send balls back over the fence at the end of each day.

Definitely lock your gate. I did this when my neighbours kept letting themselves in round the side to look at my drains because they thought their drain backing up was my fault (it wasn't). I put a padlock on myself, easy.

Then, since the neighbours are not getting the message I would tell them that footballs are coming back once a day at your convenience and with a bill for damages.

The follow through. Here's six footballs and a bill for £4.99 to replace broken plants. Here's five footballs and a bill for £3.50 for the latest broken plants.

Let them have the annoyance and see the the number of footballs and make it their problem not yours. When they don't pay the bills don't take the footballs round. They will come and ask for the balls and you say, yes of course, can I have that cash first please? No? Then no footballs for you.

Thanks again everyone, you re all making me feel so much better. I know a lot of people would say " oh they re only plants " which is true, but its more the principle that bothers me. If its little bedding plants I can shrug it off but the plant damaged yesterday was my gorgeous pampas. Its taken ages to get any plumes and then this year 2 beautiful 7ft feathery plumes appeared. Now one of these is hanging having been snapped in 2 sadly

That's the problem here really .. We are lucky to have quite large gardens as we are the meeting point for several cul de sacs. We have 5 gardens attached to us. However although theirs is a decent size they have a playhouse , a summerhouse , a trampoline , a shed and a large extension nd patio so there is only a small area of grass left to play. The fence is 3ft away from our conservatory so when the balls come full pelt the impact can be damaging. We could move our sitting area I suppose but then you think why should we really don t you. My girls are 15 & 12 and like to play French cricket with DH but are careful with the tennis balls and always play at the bottom of the garden away from windows etc. I tell them if balls were ever to go over a fence they ve lost them, so they are careful. If they re not doing that , they re playing swingball, trampolining or just running around. It is possible to have fun without causing havoc for others. The child next door is only 7 but I do feel he can still understand be careful, but doesn t get a consistent message from parents about this so nothing changes. There are currently 4 footballs being blown around out there from yesterday. ( she didn t come round yesterday and we had hosp appointment si haven t seen her yet ) 😊

Hehe might try that one 😁 xx

pinky you sound lovely and you are NBU. I'd have the biggest issue with them coming onto my property without permission - that is trespassing, and as you say if the dog bit the child they'd probably try to make it your fault...

But what is with all the people suggesting you puncture the balls? That is at least as bad as the child accidentally kicking the ball in (however annoying that is) and coming to retrieve it with the added spice of being motivated by spite and vindictiveness rather than carelessness...

I'd go with the lock (can your kids not have keys?) and being firm that you will only return the balls once per day, in the evening or whenever is convenient to you, and making the mother aware than expensive plants have been damaged and you will regretfully have to bill them the next time one is damaged, as it is costing you money to replace them.

Aww, thank you 😊. No tbh I d rather not go down the road of puncturing balls. I m just holding onto them until they come for them and I can talk to them. We ve settled on a combination lock I think as my eldest is horrendous with keys. It would be the worst night mare if anything happened with the dog. I d feel so guilty even though we have tried to get the message through. And I don t feel its fair to keep her cooped up inside either. She s in what should be a secure garden with no way of getting out so I don t feel its unreasonable to let her have freedom to wander round the garden. A couple of years ago the child was round playing with my girls and he tried to sit on the dogs back. She just ran away and hid in her bed, but now she s older and has more health issues I worry more. Hopefully we LL sort something though 😊

My friend had this problem and also had a dog. It got to the point after lots of broken plants, pots and a pane of glass that she sent every ball back with a hole in it and blamed it on the dog. The neighbours actually contacted the police but where laughed at down the phone and said if the ball was in my friends garden it was fair game (she found this out from another neighbour)
The problem was soon solved and the kids suddenly learned to be a lot more carefull.
I also like the idea of throwing muddy footballs back (maybe rolled in a bit of extra mud for good measure) in the direction of any washing that is pegged out

Dolly Destroying property or even threatening to is still a criminal offence. The fact that there is no longer any likelyhood of the police bothering to follow up fairly low value instances of criminal damage doesn't mean its a good idea to do it - deliberately damaging the child's possessions just because the child is annoying you and has accidentally damaged your plants/ might accidentally damage something of yours is sinking to a level way below that of a kid annoying you by playing football and accidentally kicking balls over your fence. I can't believe so many people think this is a good idea to advocate

If the police did laugh down the phone at somebody reporting criminal damage they were very unprofessional - but the fact the information comes from a friend's neighbour who presumably heard it from the parents who called the police (so at least 4th hand, if not further down the gossip line) takes it pretty much into the realm of the "a friend of a friend's auntie's cousin's postman told my grandma that ..." realm of urban legend).

Ok but would the broken pots, plants, glass also be counted at criminal damage if it kept happening over and over again. No this would be accidental damage as would a football supposedly destroyed by a dog.
What was my friend meant to do? She had been in touch with the council and spoke to the community police and told nothing could be done so she snapped. I guess she was supposed to carry on letting the kids destroy her garden and greenhouse. The kids also take great delight in sending balls over whenever she is in the garden. I narrowly avoided a black eye last time I was there and had to come inside as some of them where basketballs (obviously being thrown as you can't kick a basketball that high) and I was worried about one hitting DS.
Urban legend- no I have seen the footballs first hand and my good friend was given this information by her other neighbour.

And before anyone asked she had tried speaking to the parents loads of times

Well we ended up with 6 balls before anyone came round to retrieve them. Had put a huge plantpot in front if the gate til we get a lock this pm, so not sure if they d tried to get in . The child came on his own and actually looked apologetic for once. Said there was a ball in our garden. Told him there were 6 and could he please be careful that they didn t come over as things are being broken. Explained I couldn t get one of the balls as it was in the broken pampas grass and the leaves are really sharp, but returned the rest. Anyway 10 mins later 2 were back over again and he s just knocked again 10 mins after that which we ignored. Clearly our gentle little chat didn t work so no balls returned til the end of the day then and looking out for mum who it appears is keeping a low profile as I assume she has seen the plant 😒

Well, just a little update. After the original 6 balls on Saturday were given back a further 7 ended up in the garden. There was I think a turning point Sunday morning. Their younger child is going through a phase of constantly shouting and screaming and banging doors often with mum joining in but we ve never complained as reality is kids can be noisy. Its not tantrums or anything either just the normal behaviour. However after 20 mins of the LO shouting mummy at the top of her lungs from the bathroom and being ignored to the older child banging on the door twice for footballs before 8.30am things were a little fraught. We tend to chill Sunday mornings if we can so were a little irritated. Anyway one of my girls had whispered something to my DH at the top of our stairs to which he d replied " why are you whispering cos they re not ?". Anyway they must have heard through the wall as it went deathly quiet. I was mortified to be honest but the more I thought about it he was right, there is noise and excessive noise, nor was it said in a nasty or excessively loud way just very matter of fact Our kids can be noisy but we tell them if it gets out of hand particularly early morning or late in the day. They don t , much the same as the footballs. Anyway the noise levels have been normal all week ( well most of the time) and there have only been 2 footballs, so hoping they ve got the message. She still hasn t been round though, so got a feeling she s avoiding me still. We shall see what happens

Good. You can't be friends with people like this. Civil and polite yes, but it's gone past the point of friendship. You need to make your point but hopefully you can do this whilst remaining on relatively good terms.

Yes ,I think you re right. I ve avoided saying things in the past as she s always saying people have been mean to her or upset her nd I haven t wanted to do that. I m now thinking she just manipulates situations to avoid consequences. I m sure if the windows were broken it would somehow end up being our fault when the story was retold. I don t want to make things awkward for our other neighbours who are fab so as you say will be civil but try to keep our distance. There ended up being 5 balls by teatime yesterday, so I ve left them and see if they discover the lock on the gate for themselves. I am a bit cross that we ve had to do it though as I had presumed that the gate being bolted from the garden side would indicate we didn t want them in but clearly not 😒