Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to miss an exam if my sister goes into labour?

54 replies

FedoraTheExplora · 26/01/2016 11:54

I have a few exams coming up over the next few weeks (first semester at uni). My sisters also due to give birth to her first DC in the next couple of weeks. I'm her birth partner - she was mine and she was amazing; she is very nervous and hugely focused on the idea that I will help her through.

I know it's unlikely, but if she does go into labour at the same time as one of my exams, what do I do? I've received a first in every assignment so far. Shall I miss it and receive zero, given that first years marks don't 'count', though they may affect the likelihood of me getting a summer placement or similar? Will I be given the opportunity to retake due to extenuating circumstances? When I was pregnant, she told her work they would have to sack her if they didn't let her leave when I was in labour (half in jest but I know she would have stuck to her word if necessary).

So AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
cantthinkofanythingwitty · 26/01/2016 12:55

I have just done exams and we could leave the hall as soon as we finished. We didn't have to wait for everyone to finish.

LorelaiDanes · 26/01/2016 12:56

I'd check. My dad died just before my second year exams and although I got extensions on some essays I was told I had to sit and pass my exams or I would have to redo the entire year.

Floggingmolly · 26/01/2016 12:57

Why does she "need you the most"? Is her partner still in the picture? I don't know how she could countenance you missing a university exam for her, I really don't Hmm

Tiggles · 26/01/2016 12:59

If you are hoping to do a masters with a scholarship I would think very carefully before missing an exam meaning your marks for the module will be capped. You will be competing with people who will have high marks across the board and you may not get the chance to explain the reason why before you are overlooked. (Irrespective that the person doing the choosing may query your commitment to the course if 'choose' to miss exams)

HPsauciness · 26/01/2016 13:04

You need to check with the exams officer or your adminstrator unit, not just a personal tutor (who may not have that great knowledge). At our uni, all mitigation or personal circumstances are dealt with by a central college department, and you would be able to get a form, provide evidence and they would make a decision- the most obvious one would be to defer the exam til the retakes.

In our department, you are allowed to defer up to the day of the exam, and mitigation is 24 hours afterwards (say if you were ill but took it anyway).

Under no circumstances should you just not sit the exam! This may mean you failing the whole of the first year. Most places the actual marks don't count, but you do have to pass all the central components. If you fail one of these modules, you would have to retake it and may be capped at 40.

Also, all your firsts will be really for nothing if you miss one or two exams- as when the 70's are averaged out against the 0's, they will bring your mark down considerably- that will then be what employers see if they ask for transcripts.

So- get some good advice from the people in your institution who deal with exam deferrals and exceptions, and get some evidence (i.e. in writing) and cross your fingers you don't need it!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 26/01/2016 13:08

Where are these unis/courses where missing exams 'make no difference'?
Ive certainly never been to one!

FatherReboolaConundrum · 26/01/2016 13:10

Talk to the departmental exam board chair, or whatever the person who agrees extensions in your department is called. They will have dealt with every extenuating circumstance you can imagine (and many you can't) and will be able to advise you.

Don't just fail to turn up to the exam without any explanation before or after: the person setting the exam, the board chair, your personal tutor, and the departmental adminstrators will all think you're a dick, which is not what you want from a group of people you may later rely for help, or to write references. If you explain beforehand, people are likely to be sympathetic.
(I'm an ex-board chair, to put this advice into context.)

HPsauciness · 26/01/2016 13:12

And- you are completely right that if you are at a less than stellar uni, then one great way to stand out is to have amazing grades across the board. I read Masters and PhD applications, and if a student has a great transcript and puts in a very good proposal, I tend not to care that much where they did their first degree.

Jjou · 26/01/2016 13:16

If you aren't granted extenuating circumstances, and you don't attend the exam you'll get 0. More than likely your Uni will allow you to resit the assessment once (which you'd have to check) but if you didn't perform as your were expecting in the resit, and you failed, you'd be discontinued from your course.
If you do attend the exam you'd have to turn your phone off and leave it at the back of the exam hall for the duration of the assessment, and where I work students aren't allowed to leave the exam until the end of the allowed time.
Your sister needs a plan B I would think.

PurpleDaisies · 26/01/2016 13:17

I just couldn't not be there for her when she needs me the most.

Can I ask again if the baby's father is in the picture?

I love my sister dearly and were really close. There's absolutely no way I'd ask her to miss a university exam.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/01/2016 13:20

It's 4 different days - 2 hours each so realistically it probably won't happen.

I was in labour for about 48 hours before an EMCS. I wouldn't count on it. More than one exam could easily be affected.

I think you need a Plan B and hope that a fall back partner will only be needed for the early hand holding stages.

OohMavis · 26/01/2016 13:34

My first baby was bang on time. It does happen.

Would she understand if you took the exam and joined her afterwards, if it came to it? First labours tend to be long...

Witchend · 26/01/2016 13:47

Dh did an exam while I was in labour (30 minute drive away too). He gave the receptionist his mobile and said that if it rang from my number please answer and I will come out of the exam.
Both the receptionist and invigilator were happy with that.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 26/01/2016 13:53

I love my sister dearly and were really close. There's absolutely no way I'd ask her to miss a university exam

About to say the same thing.

Nor would either of them ask me to either.

helenahandbag · 26/01/2016 13:56

I'm an admin in an academic department in a uni and we wouldn't give you a resit as first attempt for this. You would be marked absent and the resit attempt noted on your record.

2rebecca · 26/01/2016 14:00

When I found out she was due when my exams are I'd have told her she needed to find someone else as a back up. I'd prioritise your exams. She's your sister not your partner.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 26/01/2016 14:02

Now, I do hate it when first time mums are told that first labours are ALWAYS a slow affair.. but they often can be. My DH took a 2hr nap in the middle of mine because nothing was happening and his eyes were drooping so I told him to go and kip - I'ld need him later!

There's loads you can do to support her over the DAYS around her birth, and realistically, even without an exam, you will need to go away from time to time to wash, sleep, eat….

I personally wouldn't miss it. Even with your track record, what if something trips you up if you take the exam as a second attempt?

Still put in a mitigating circumsances form if you were up all the night before helping your sister walk around the block or establish feeding etc though

lenibose · 26/01/2016 14:02

You wouldn't get a great deal of sympathy at my Uni for this. If it was your partner's baby then yes. But as a birth partner, possibly not. It would count as 'life' as someone put it. It's a 'would be great if I could be there' scenario, not a 'I must be there and put everything else on hold' situation. My sister was in labour during my A level exams. I wasn't her birth partner but she wouldn't have asked me to be because she knew how important the exams were. Also, my baby was 10 days early, so not all first babies are late!

2rebecca · 26/01/2016 14:03

My son means the world to me but I wouldn't ask him to miss a uni exam for anything, OK maybe if it would save my life as a dead mother would affect him too. Agree your sister sounds amazingly selfish expecting a uni student with exams to be her birthing partner when you aren't her sexual partner/ co-parent of the baby

Gobbolino6 · 26/01/2016 14:03

I think the best thing to do is make your tutor aware of the situation and prepare well in advance in case it happens on one of the days that was set for revision.
And tell your Dsis to keep her legs firmly crossed Grin.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 26/01/2016 14:07

It's really not at all unusual for women to have birth partner plan"B"s

My DH was commuting to a different town with my last so we had a back up plan for what would happen if he wasn't home in time

And he was my baby's father so I really don't think you should feel that you HAVE to be there at all costs when even partners can't always be, and that's okay! It's not ideal but you just plan for it

RevoltingPeasant · 26/01/2016 14:08

OP do be careful. See what your tutor says and double check that first really doesn't count, as at some universities it does.

RevoltingPeasant · 26/01/2016 14:09

Oh and my first baby was 10 days early.....it happens!

2rebecca · 26/01/2016 14:11

Agree with Gobbolino6. My ex wasn't there for the first half of my daughter's birth. He had the sort of job you can't just walk out of when you get a phone call. I was quite happy with the midwife until he arrived.
My first was induced so he was there for all of that and it seemed to go on forever.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 26/01/2016 14:12

At the uni I went to, year 1 wasn't "weighted".. so some would say it "didn't count"

HOWEVER… it actually does, if youre ever borderline or if there's ever any quesitons or appeals like that the big picture may be looked at - especially if you fall very close between a 1st and a 2:1 at the end. Or if in future you put in mitigating circumstances relating to something else and do very badly when you've previously always done well.. that sort of thing

Also, I have just last week been asked for my credit transcripts for something else and my uni sent out all 3 years so.. yr 1 isn't a blank canvas just because it's not weighted

Not just that, but post grad our tutors only put forward the best students for the prime oportunities with their contacts - and they looked at everything