To want my own pension?

[Chocolatehooverer]

I've been a SAHM for more than 5 years and I am now returning back to work part-time.

I said to my DH that I would like to opt in for the new workplace pension scheme. He says it's pointless (he is pensioned up to the eyeballs and one of then is a very generous one). I have never had a pension. He says it would be better to use the money now as we need it as a family. I tend to think we've been through harder times and in those times I have asked him if it is worth stopping contributions on his smaller pension seeing as the other is so generous. He wasn't interested in that.

I would so like to have my own pension. It's very important to me. I have been financially dependent on him for years and I don't want to be until the end of my life. I find myself feeling like a parasite. I would feel immense pride in taking steps to look after myself in my old age (even if his contribution to the household is the biggest by a long shot).

I can't help but feel that he wants me to be dependent on him and that this discussion is making him feel insecure in that I am somehow making preparations in case we're not together in the future.

I am very strong minded about this and I have told him that my mind is set.

I did calculate how much I would be contributing each month and it is peanuts as I am part-time right now. In the future it will obviously step up. I told him how much it amounts to and he said if that was the amount then he couldn't really argue with it. But it's the principal of this that I want him to understand.

AIBU? I'm not am I?

YANBU. What happens if you end up separating at some point? Obviously this isn't something that appears to be in you're current life plans but I think you can never say never. I think you're making a sensible decision. I'm 31 and it scares me that I have no pension pot. As soon as I'm able to get back to work I'll be doing the same as you plan.

YANBU and very sensible imo.

Yanbu. Sort the pension at work asap

YANBU. If they're signed up to auto enrolment you're missing out on a 5% contribution from your employer if you don't put in 3% (Unless they contribute on your half regardless, some do). You really won't notice the 3% but will benefit from the 8% contribution.

YANBU on the point of principle (though as you are married in any divorce settlement his pension would be treated as joint assets and you'd get a share of it)
Also if he is "pensioned up to the eyeballs" it may be better to contribute to yours rather than his - new Lifetime allowance rules mean any pension above £1m (which roughly equates to a pension of £50k per year) is taxable. So make sure he's actually investigated whether it's worthwhile to continue to put money into his as well.

I am a SAHM and retraining for work. Once I qualify and get a job I will be 41 and I'm planning on putting as much into savings/pension as I possibly can, because I've lost so much time already.

YANBU. If he really feels insecure because you are planning for your future, HIBU, and ridiculous.

Do it. As soon as you can.
I was never a SAHM but I worked flexibly as a freelance consultant around the children and never really thought about it tbh.

Now that we're divorced it has taken me 4 years to get the portion of his pension because he refused to answer any of the pension provider's letters or queries.