To think if you're ill you should be allowed to sleep??

[MrsAttending]

Argh now this is making me pretty angry but I feel my OH is being totally unreasonable in this situation.

In short, GP has signed me off work. I'm on antibiotics which are doing their job and have been getting better each day.

I have still however, been incredibly tired and sleeping quite a lot during the day.

OH thinks I am being lazy and should be doing things around the house.

Trying to explain that I wasn't up to that yet is falling on deaf ears.

And I get comments like:

"You CAN'T be tired. You've slept all morning".

"You do seem to be sleeping a lot for someone who is OFF COLOUR!" yes because the GP routinely signs people off who are off colour

"Well I guess I'll be doing dinner AGAIN" (I've barely been eating anyway so hardly caused an inconvenience).

Apparently it was appalling that I didn't help with the shopping yesterday.

The jobs OH wants me to do are things like going through boxes in the garage (things I would normally do when I am off work for a holiday - not ill!)

I feel so cross about it it's making me cry.

You bloody pick someone to be your partner who is supposed to love you no matter what and support you though things... Not
make you feel like crap! :(

(As a disclaimer, I have NEVER been signed off sick in my whole life so it's not even like OH can say it's happened before as it hasn't).

AIBU?!

Why is that relevant mumontherun?

It doesn't matter what's wrong - she has some sort of bacterial infection - hence the ABX. and she feels tired and unwell. The H is utterly uncaring and insensitive. Show him the thread OP!

He sounds bloody horrible!

What are you actually asking him to do for you?

See if you want drinks/food when he's making for himself?

Or are YBCU & expecting him to look after his own kids and keep them away from you?

He's being totally unreasonable. Before Christmas I had a virus & although was still going to work was off my food & just crawling into bed early every evening. DH grumbled & fussed about having to sort out food for himself & DS. He also kept popping in to see me in the bedroom and waking me up.It was only for 3 days

What a dick. I have a couple of chronic illness'. Dh is so supportive. I'm exhausted and in bed again now.

DH is ill atm. He is spending most of his time reading and resting and I am cooking things like chicken soup to make him better

I am getting a bit tired, tbh, as it's been nearly 2 weeks, but I don't resent it or begrudge him rest, as I want him to get better. I have ms so get very tired myself and am not always quite up to par. I'm OKish atm, so it's not a problem. I do worry a bit about what would happen if I took a turn for the worse and woke up tomorrow unable to move much, and exhausted and in pain or whatever, but I still think it would be better if I pushed myself in those circumstances, than pushed him to do things before he has recovered. He, at least, can get better.

I think your oh is being bit of a twat.

Does he have other twattish behaviours? Think back to the person you were when you first met.

YANBU

He is being unreasonable but also probably is really not used to you being ill.

I'd just say its likely to be a while yet before you are back to normal, and until then, only you will be able to say what you are fit to do. No shopping, no garage boxes.

Thank you :)

To those that asked, I am not asking OH to do anything for me at all (I am getting my own drinks/food etc) so I'm not causing them any extra work.

I think that sleep/rest does help recovery from infections. So you are not not doing anything, you are actively recovering!
Ps I hope you are feeling better soon

I am getting my own drinks/food etc

God what a tit.

How fucking rude of them, tell them to piss off out if they can't be a decent partner.

YANBU. I've been ill with flu/chest infection/bronchitis for a month now and DH has shouldered the burden without complaining. I do what I can to get stuff done when I'm feeling up to it and he trusts me not to be lying in bed for the sake of it the rest of the time.

Clearing out the garage is ridiculous. DH and I have agreed that the next few weeks are about the absolute essentials and the hellhole that is our box room post-Christmas will have to wait.

the oh may not be a bloke you know

I have bronchitis at the moment and am on my knees with exhaustion (stomach muscles strained from coughing, disturbed sleep, etc). In the last ten days I've had a daytime sleep at every opportunity, typically 1-3 hours, and going to bed early. I've had more sleep than any of the DC and could have used more than I had.

DH is pretty keen that I shouldn't get pneumonia, so he's facilitated those sleeps, including increasing paid childcare hours, working from home and rejigging work hours as necessary.

You say you're effectively invisible in the house, not creating mess or washing up. If you were a bit better then it would be reasonable to expect that you'd tidy up after yourself and maybe manage to push the hoover or wipe down a sink or pay some bills each day.

Sorting out the fucking garage? That's so unreasonable it's actually hilarious.

Cross posted with Rumble - I might have another three weeks of this?!

Sorry if I scared you MrsHathaway! Don't worry, that timescale isn't a given with bronchitis I don't think - my lung function is very poor for some currently unknown reason and because of that, the docs have said I need to be patient and it'll take a while to get back to normal. Fingers crossed you and everyone else make a speedy recovery

Can you remember a time when he was sick? If so, ask him to recall it and whether he would have felt like cleaning out the garage.

If you were well enough to do jobs in the house, you would be at work. He is a total dick and I don't think you should hold back in telling him so.

This is the sort of thing which would sour a relationship beyond repair for me, and I am normallt quite tolerant of occasional twattish behaviour.

If you decide not to ltb, I hope you remember this when he gets ill (and the time will come) and show him the exact level of care and attention that he has show you!

Like showme, I've had hyperemesis in a few pregnancies (and 'just' bad nausea and vomiting in others). There are months that go by where I barely contribute to the housework and do the bare minimum childcare, going to bed as soon as DH comes home from work, abandoning him to all the housework and the children! He's tired but I've never heard him complain about it. (Not have we learnt, given that I'm expecting DC5 now! )

YANBU

They are a twat, and you deserve to be treated a lot better than the way they are treating you right now.

I hope you feel better soon.

He's a dick head
Is he always like this?

Hope you're feeling better soon MsAttending and all other pps who are suffering illness.
I think you OH has lost their marbles, how are you supposed to clean the garage when you're signed off work with sickness
Maybe your OH is in a bit of denial about your illness, sometimes people can be scared of their partner's illness as it makes them feel vulnerable and can show that by the behaviour you're describing.
It's no help to you (sorry) but maybe that's why they are acting that way?