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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be pissed off with dp?

15 replies

kaylasmum · 23/01/2016 13:02

This morning I decided to get all the housework over and done with early, started about half 9. My dp was still in bed, my ds was playing his PlayStation. I cleaned out the hamster cages, cleaned the bathroom, made beds, put washing away and was hoovering the bedrooms and upstairs landing. Before I went into the room where my do was sleeping I switched off the hoover, walked into the room and told him that I had to Hoover. He said, I'm gonna do this to you tomorrow morning! By this time it was about half ten, hardly early!

He complained that he had'nt got to bed til 8, that's because he fell asleep downstairs and didn't come up til then. I recently started a new job as a dinner lady, I work 10 hours a week there, I also work 16 hours a week on the checkouts in asda, I have 2 11pm finishes, Wednesday and Thursday. I have 5 kids, two who are still at home aged 12 and 9. My ds works as an estate gardener but does all kinds of odd jobs aswell. With my new job I'm working 6 days a week, doing 90% of the housework, childcare and cooking. I have a bad back, plantar fasciitis and Lipodema in my legs, I'm in pain on a daily basis.

So, aibu in being pissed off with my dp for being annoyed with me for getting on with the housework early so I can relax later on my one day off?

OP posts:

Original poster

kaylasmum · 23/01/2016 13:09

*dp is a gardener not ds

OP posts:

Roobix04 · 23/01/2016 13:13

Well I wouldn't hoover when dp was asleep but then he actually does his fair share of housework and childcare. That's the real issue. He needs to buck up and help more.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 23/01/2016 13:15

Yanbu he's lazy. How lovely of him to lie in till 10:30 while you have done all the housework. Does he ever contribute to the chores?

Crispbutty · 23/01/2016 13:16

But you had the choice as well to have a lie in and then both do the chores together when you both got up.

HermioneJeanGranger · 23/01/2016 13:19

Why did you get up early and do loads of housework on your day off?

Original poster

kaylasmum · 23/01/2016 13:21

Well did'nt really have the choice to lie in, my ds was needing breakfast. As far as us doing the housework together, not a chance! It's funny you use the word choice cos according to my dp it's my "choice" to do the housework. If I didn't do it we'd be living in a shithole!!

OP posts:

Original poster

kaylasmum · 23/01/2016 13:23

Hermione - cos it needed done........of course!! Want to spend some quality time with my kids, not spend the whole day cleaning.

OP posts:

Crispbutty · 23/01/2016 13:24

Surely a 9yo can sort his own breakfast? I'm not saying yabu but I don't think your husband is either in this instance.

murmuration · 23/01/2016 13:31

I'm with you, OP! My DH is constantly complaining about how my cleaning is 'bothering' him. He doesn't like the sound of the hoover. He doesn't like the smell of cleaning products - I even went as far as getting several 'natural' cleaning and trying them, and asking him what he thought, and went with ones he said were fine. But he still complains when he uses the loo after I clean.

Yet he won't clean, and it needs to be done. I hate that the thing I'm doing to help the family receives his ire, and yet then he'll also complain if things are so messy it bothers him (takes a bit, but like these last few weeks I've been rather ill and some things have gotten quite beyond me).

HermioneJeanGranger · 23/01/2016 13:35

Did you have to do all of it first thing this morning? Surely a nine year old is quite capable of making breakfast himself, for example? I understand wanting to get it done, but I would not be getting up early to clean, only for my DP to lie around in bed all day.

Why are you with someone who's incapable of cleaning up after himself? And who knows you're in pain, but is happy to let you do everything while he lazes in bed and complains about it.

ohtheholidays · 23/01/2016 13:51

No YANBU,when you said he went to bed at 8 did you mean this morning?

If so why?He's a father and a husband but not pulling his weight,moaning because your doing the housework that he won't help with and staying up all night.You need to tell him to grow up he's not a teenager but he's acting like one,we have 3 teenagers at home(5DC)and his behaviour is alot like they're behaviour can be,but we do pull them up on it.

The fact that you have alot going on health wise and are in constant pain as well makes his behaviour all the more unacceptable.

Have you tried not doing sod all for him?It's always being suggested on here and I do hate the thought of having to play mind games because a grown adult insists on acting like a spoilt child,but if you want your relationship then it might work with him.

CheesyWeez · 23/01/2016 13:59

Just take him up on his offer to do housework while you're in bed tomorrow!
Unless either of you are at work tomorrow morning?

CakeRavager · 23/01/2016 14:00

Yes, I agree with going on strike where he's concerned. When he wants to know why he has no clean clothes point out to him that it's apparently your choice to do the housework and you have chosen not to do HIS. See how he likes them apples!

GabiSolis · 23/01/2016 14:03

I don't think either of you are being totally unreasonable tbh. I wouldn't deliberately wake someone up to hoover though, and you did have the choice to do that later. Your DS could've got his own breakfast and you could've had a lie in too.

That said, it sounds like your issues are bigger than this one incident and you need to deal with both your expectations of what's appropriate for both of you to do around the house.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 23/01/2016 14:18

Yes my ds can get his own breakfast, I don't like to lie in bed when my kids are up. I have already stated that I wanted everything done earlyish as I want to spend time with my kids, don't want to have to spread the cleaning out over a whole day.

I also don't think half 10 is particularly early for me to be hoovering. My dp would lie in bed til after 12, so why should I have to wait til he gets his lazy ass out of bed to do the things that need done. I'm working tomorrow from 10-6, I will have to sort out kids uniform and tidy up before I go to work, then get shopping, make tea and any other things needing done when I get home from work.

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