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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my kids to do one chore before school?

54 replies

TrafficJunkie · 22/01/2016 22:35

Very age appropriate stuff. I'm thinking one could clear away breakfast things, one could feed the animals, one could help put a load of laundry on and the other help unload/load up the dishwasher....

But is it unfair to ask this before school?? When they get home we have a timetable already which is going to include some other light chores such as putting away any clean clothes left on your beds, and helping to lay the table.

I'm about to be single mum to four again, which is why i want to implement some changes, also i dont want them growing up thinking mummy does everything!

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 23/01/2016 09:52

At 5, school is a very long day without housework before and after.

Putting breakfast things in the sink or dirty clothes in a basket is fine, they should learn to be tidy. However bigger jobs after a full day of school and any clubs seems unfair. How messy can the house get if they are all at school all day and you're at work?

coffeetasteslikeshit · 23/01/2016 10:04

That sounds reasonable to me, you have plenty of time.
I see clearing away their breakfast plates as just normal, ie not a chore. My 9 and 11 year old do that, they also empty the dishwasher and take the dogs for a walk round the block. Then, as a reward, if there is time (usually 5-10 mins ) they get to go on their tablets.
It's great, we run like clock work in the mornings. Shame the rest of the day isn't so smooth!

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 23/01/2016 12:22

I expect my five yr old to clear the breakfast table and entertain the baby briefly-hardly a stress but sets the tone. dd I just put a screen on and pray

IdStillRatherBeKnitting · 23/01/2016 14:05

Not unreasonable IMO. It's all hands on deck, and time to team up with your kiddies. Plus it doesn't hurt for them to learn how to take care of themselves a bit. I know some kids round here who are growing up very entitled (I know it's probably not their fault), not even able to get a drink of water for themselves at 10yo.

Here DD2 gets her breakfast and supervises DD3's (9 and 7), she starts the lunches (I do the sandwiches/wrapping/chopping), and she gets me up Blush (I work from home till 2am so need a prod in the morning). But this she has decided herself-I never asked her to.

DD3 is a dreamer and still often isn't fully dressed when we are on our way out to the car, so chores before school are a no no for now (but she does sort her Guinea pig, so does that count?).

DD1 has to feed the chickens, and let the dogs out for a run. She is 13 and has been doing this for a year. Sometimes with very bad grace, but she does it! She also chucks kibble at the dogs bowls as she passes.

Still a rush to get out of the door, and dishes don't get moved until we get back in for tea.

CrazyLoopholeInTimeAndSpace · 23/01/2016 14:54

My kids take their dishes to the sink as standard. I get up earlier, feed the dog, give him a wee, shower, run a sink of hot water for the breakfasts and make a coffee for me and dh. Kids get up, put on uniforms ironed the night before, breakfast, dishes in sink then they food hair, teeth, shoes, bags as I wash the dishes and wipe around. Leave the house in a tidy state as we go out the door. It is just about getting a routine in place.

alltouchedout · 23/01/2016 15:01

In my house it wouldn't work. None of us are morning people at all. I count it as a massively successful morning if we're all out of the door on time, clean and appropriately dressed and with everything we need, having had no tears or screeching or people needing to be physically forced out of bed/ into clothes etc. I hate mornings. If I had money I would pay a lot to have someone else sort mornings out for me, that two hours between the alarm and leaving the house is by far the worst part of my day. Hate hate hate.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 23/01/2016 15:45

I swear I'm not a morning person either.DH knows not to talk to me too much (because I told him not to!)and I have to have a cup of tea in bed before I can even think about getting up, but as soon as I'm up its all about the routine.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 23/01/2016 15:46

However, it helps that DS1 is a morning person.

IoraRua · 23/01/2016 15:56

Oh I think yanbu. That's a very reasonable expectation.
I will never forget the mother of one PFB who came in complaining about her child having to do jobs in school (think putting up chairs, fetching lunches, picking up rubbish under their chair, cleaning up newspaper and paint trays after art etc). Precious Princeling never had to do jobs at home, so she didn't want him doing it at school Hmm

Iazarus · 23/01/2016 16:01

They are your children, not your slaves. If you can't be bothered to look after them then you shouldn't have had them.

abbieanders · 23/01/2016 17:05

Surely teaching them that everyone in the family has a shared responsibility for the smooth running of the household is looking after them? They have to learn these things or they will not maintain relationships or friendships.

Its more time and effort to teach responsibility, care for others, cooperation, organisation and household care than just do it yourself.

MangoBiscuit · 23/01/2016 17:05

Ha ha ha! I actually just had a google to check that "Iazarus" doesn't "martyr"

If you're idea of looking after them is to do everything for them, and never teach them how to look after themselves, then I pity your DC's future partners.

BoboChic · 23/01/2016 17:07

DD leaves at 7.35 am and does five hours at school every morning. So, yes, I would be extremely mean to ask her to do chores before school.

It really depends on how early a start and how hard a day your DC have ahead of them.

Iazarus · 23/01/2016 17:19

I just had to google to check that MangoBiscuit doesn't mean Twat

Fratelli · 23/01/2016 21:01

lazarus I hope you're joking! I think it sounds very reasonable and age appropriate. If it doesn't work then just don't do it anymore. I think it's good for children to help out tbh. It gives them a little responsibiliy.

NickiFury · 23/01/2016 21:02

I wouldn't. They're so tired and slow moving in the morning anyway. Just getting ready and personal admin is enough.

lastqueenofscotland · 23/01/2016 21:05

I don't think clearing up breakfast stuff is a chore!! That's just normal cleaning up

NickiFury · 23/01/2016 21:09

I want my kids to know how a house is run and basic housework personal care etc but I do not expect them to regularly do anything other than bring up laundry, keep their rooms tidy, clear their own plates etc away. DS, 12 hoovers his own room and walks the dog twice a week. Occasionally I drag him in to to sort washing and load the dishwasher etc but only because I want him to know how to do it. They've got a life time of chores ahead of them I don't want them sick to the back teeth of them before they're even grown up.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 23/01/2016 21:10

Mine have to feed the guinea pigs and clear their breakfast stuff from table to worktop. They're 8 and 5. I'm not bothered about making beds etc so I don't push that. I think that's pretty reasonable.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 23/01/2016 21:11

I also don't consider what I ask them to do as "chores", more like "life"

CMOTDibbler · 23/01/2016 21:15

Sounds totally reasonable to me. My ds gets up at 6.45, leaves for school between 8.15 and 8.20, so has plenty of time to do a quick chore and get in some quality minecraft time Hmm.

Mine is not tired and slow moving in the morning at all - he's up and full of beans!

Iwantakitchen · 23/01/2016 21:36

My DSs are expected to do some homework or reading most mornings, as well as 15 minutes of music practice. They don't have chores but they make their beds, make their breakfast and put their stuff away. I find it much easier to have the, do their homework in the morning as they are tired after school. They have chores in the garden and sort out the recycling etc.

logfiresspit · 23/01/2016 21:44

the only thing I wouldn't get children of those ages to do is the laundry one. there's too much potential for it to go wrong. Hanging out the laundry possibly (though that's quite a job), but not putting it on. In my household I'd expect that to lead - on purpose or by mistake - to shrunken/greyed clothes, generally not belonging to the laundry-putter-on-er.

wallywobbles · 23/01/2016 22:00

We work as a team and I'm always the one being chivied by the kids.

They know that if they want to leave on time stuff needs doing. Dogs out and in, then in kennel before we leave, cats feed, kettle on, washing collected and down, their responsible for their own snacks. When we had ponies on site last winter they got up earlier in order to feed, water and give them hay.

When we have all 4 kids it is more of a team effort. We leave at 7.40. Next year we'll be leaving at 7. Probably breakfast in the car at that point though.

SingingSamosa · 23/01/2016 22:08

My three (8, 6, 4) have to make their beds and get themselves dressed when they wake up, and put away any toys they have been playing with (whilst waiting for us to wake up).
When we go downstairs the older two feed and water the cat whilst I make packed lunches and DH makes the breakfast. The eldest will sometimes get the drinks for everyone. All three are expected to put away their own breakfast things once they have finished, and then clean their teeth (I do the youngest's teeth). Whilst I do one of the girls' hair, the other has to get her water bottle, shoes, bag and coat ready, then they swap.
We have a half an hour turnaround before they have to catch the bus and we all manage to get our chores done.