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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if you think a bloke fancies you he probably does?

50 replies

WineIsFineAtNine · 22/01/2016 16:48

DD(20) has come home with an intense attraction to a man she met today. A proper fanny gallop, butterflies, feels sick and hasn't been able to eat attraction. She met him through a professional capacity (don't want to give away too much!) and feels the connection was the same. A colleague of hers said he kept looking at DD during the meeting. aibu to think that if you think a bloke fancies you then he probably does?

OP posts:

Trills · 23/01/2016 13:25

Depends entirely on who "you" is.

Some people are TERRIBLE at this.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 23/01/2016 13:31

YABU. The thing is some people are flirts and will flirt with anyone regardless of whether they fancy them or not. Others will realise a person keeps catching their eye so will keep glancing over to see if they're looking again. There can definitely be one way attraction and it's easy to misinterpret signals.

Witchend · 23/01/2016 13:37

I knew someone who thought any man she came into contact with fancied her. Huge drama all the time.
I can categorically state that most she thought were eyeing her up, were saying hello with the slight distance of someone you know by sight but not particularly well and really don't want to know better.

Polgara25 · 23/01/2016 13:48

Hang on, was this at work?

I'd tell her to be careful there. Not always a good idea to get involved with people you work with and that's assuming he feels the same.

Imagine if he isn't interested and she makes a move.... I'd want to move jobs in that situation.

mommy2ash · 23/01/2016 13:58

Op I would be advising her to calm down. He may fancy her he may not but ultimately she shouldn't get this excited every time this happens. And I really hope your dh didn't have to hear fanny gallop cos I felt squeamish just reading it

FindoGask · 23/01/2016 13:59

Not always the case. I made a proper plum out of myself one student holiday job in a big factory - this guy on another production line kept looking at me, I therefore developed a crush on him (he was averagely attractive, but the fact that seemed to be attracted to me was the major draw, to be honest),we never spoke but I invented a whole romantic sub-plot in my head and spent all summer building up the courage to ask him out...he turned me down, and it turned out he'd been staring at me because he thought he recognised me from school.

BolshierAryaStark · 23/01/2016 14:02

It depends how perceptive you are, some people are just delusional.
I second the being cautious if it's at work.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 23/01/2016 14:09

I get the feeling from one of the dads at school. I'm not interested in him because I'm already with someone, even if he is nice looking.
He always gives me a lot of eye contact at the school gates and yesterday I was on the bus at the same time as him on the way to school at pick up time, and I caught him looking at me and he smiled. I gave half a smile and quickly looked away.
Then when we got off the bus he seemed to be walking beside me- I had a pram and a toddler so you'd have thought he'd have just walked ahead.

I've never even spoken to the guy.

FithColumnist · 23/01/2016 14:15

He could have just kept looking at her because he was wondering why the hell this woman keeps staring at him.

fwiw, a few years ago I was surprised to learn that a colleague of mine fancied me (clearly she hadn't heard about the special offers at Specsavers...) and had managed to convince herself that I fancied her back. I definitely didn't and it was all kinds of awkward when she made a pass at me.

JakeyB · 23/01/2016 14:17

You don't say if they actually talked, or just looked at each other. Because if all she has to go on is that a colleague said he kept looking at her then she needs to calm down those fanny gallops! People look at other people for all sorts of reasons, and unless he went out of his way to try to connect with her after the meeting then he probably doesn't fancy her.

WhataRacquet · 23/01/2016 14:17

I think you know when there's chemistry between you and another.

I knew someone who thought any man who spoke to her was chatting her up and used to moan about how men just wouldn't leave her alone. She was deluded.

PurplePotatoes · 23/01/2016 14:21

I definitely have been wrong on this one A new gorgeous guy at work was always giving me loads of eye contact, making a beeline to ask me things when he could've asked other people, very smiley, , always catching my eye etc. I was convinced he fancied me a bit too, all the signs were obvious...foubd out after he left he was actually gay felt a bit daft after that.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/01/2016 14:22

I can't get over the galloping fanny. Where I come from a galloping fanny is a stupid horse or a drunk jogger

TheCraicDealer · 23/01/2016 14:35

I think if a woman thinks it's she's more likely to be right than a man, women being slightly more self-depreciating. Most men I know are fairly quick to say, "yep, she defo wants me", and you're like, "mate, she's a hairdresser, she's paid to ask if you've got anything nice planned for the weekend". I might just be friends with a lot of (nice) fellas with big egos though.

I think the feeling has to be mutual for it to be sexual tension- tension pulls both ways! If it's just one-sided then that feeling is simply a plain old crush.

Branleuse · 23/01/2016 14:37

fanny gallop :D :D

StrawberryDelight · 23/01/2016 15:17

Hmm...a lot of the time, yes...but it's not always the case.

When I started my job, years ago, one of the guys in Admin came down to take me through some systems stuff. He was with me for about an hour a day, all week.

I was convinced that he fancied me. I just got that feeling...lots of eye contact, unnecessary arm brushes, showed a lot of interest in me generally, quite flirty, asked if I was single (which I technically was)...he was just completely giving off that vibe. I fully expected to have to let him down gently at some point because i'd not long started seeing dh so wasn't interested (although we got on brilliantly and he was ever so nice to look at )

Anyway, after that week, I was out on the Saturday night with dh and we bumped into him. On a date. With a man

I would never in a million years have said he was gay. I don't think anything before or since has shocked me so much. But I have since discovered (I still work with him, 12 years later!) that he is definitely gay, very gay, and not bi at all - so it's 100% certain that he didn't fancy me!

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 23/01/2016 15:37

A proper fanny gallop,

what on earth is a fanny gallop? not sure whether to boak or laugh

MadeMan · 23/01/2016 15:38

"...and it turned out he'd been staring at me because he thought he recognised me from school."

Yeah sometimes I've done this if I think I recognise a woman from somewhere.

BYOSnowman · 23/01/2016 15:49

She sounds intense and could have been freaking him out!! It doesn't sound like she knows what he's actually like except on a superficial level and how he behaves professionally

Regarding the fact she met him at work - she really needs to be careful - particularly if she is the kind to get infatuated and intense - this will be obvious to others and reflect badly on her

LittleBeautyBelle · 23/01/2016 20:41

I'd say no. There've been many times a guy tried to flirt/ask me out/call, or make advances when I was 0% interested and I had made no sign of being interested. Just being nice, normal, decent to people often makes them think they can make advances, that you fancy them. Uh, no.

Enough guys have acted like this that it seems that a lot of people very much mistakenly think the other person might be interested when in fact, the other person absolutely is not.

So, I wouldn't make assumptions like that unless they made VERY clear signals that they're interested.

MissJM1 · 23/01/2016 22:25

Hmm I've usually been proven right when I've thought somebody might fancy me.

At the minute I'm convinced one of my neighbours has a crush on me!

toffeeboffin · 24/01/2016 01:13

Fanny gallops is perfect, that's exactly the right word for them!

LovePGtipsMonkey · 24/01/2016 02:02

fanny gallops is one of the MN classics, that's where I heard it first (and the only place).

It's often misleading when someone keeps looking at you because if you show signs of being flustered and giving them an excited/blushing look, they may look because they are surprised or flattered. Of course some people BECOME interested when an attractive person shows obvious attraction, but by no means it always works.

Agree that many people are coupled up and have no interest but would still notice or be flattered or just have an ego boost. Or even fancy her.him back but half heartedly with no action to follow.

So best your DD stops showing him so much obvious attention, just for self-protection really, and if he's interested, she will know soon.

Headmelt · 24/01/2016 02:16

A couple of girls got it very wrong with my bf (now my Dh) in University, years ago, despite knowing we had been dating a couple of years before he started uni. One was very persistent but Dh told her nicely but firmly; he was not interested in anything more than a platonic friendship. She was gutted at the time but she moved on. We met her recently in the street. She is now married and has a dc. ☺

Headmelt · 24/01/2016 02:22

My friend got it 'wrong' about her younger brother's best friend. She made a move on him and he politely turned her down.
op If your dd meets the man regularly in a work environment, she needs to thread carefully.

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