to ask how common you think parental refusal/denial of ASD/SN is? ...

[Bebobib]

...and could it been seen as a form of neglect? Only asking because I have suspected for quite some time now a child under my radar has not been assessed due to parents refusal and or denial or SN.

But it isn't the diagnosis that can limit someone - it is their condition.

Expectations lowering does IMO impose limits, children are given excuses and discouraged from trying things, though I agree accessing support might also mean more can be expected of that child as they are more able to cope.

"I fear quite common - I know of 3 children that were at DD's primary that the school wanted to get tested for ASD and parents have refused as their child was 'just like me at that age'."

This applies to my DC, particularly ds1. He was always a bit different as a child, but exactly like I was as a child so it was seen as normal. It has only been since going through the diagnosis process with ds2 that we have realised that he and I are both also probably ASD.
We're not going down the diagnosis route for him though because at his age (15) and because he masks, he is unlikely to get a diagnosis through the NHS. This doesn't mean he doesn't have difficulties though.
If we hadn't had that lightbulb moment, we would still be in denial, assuming him to be a difficult child who needs to pull himself together.

The child is in KS1 and IMHO the parents apparent coping mechanisms are beginning to crumble.

Beginning to is the key phrase here. If they've all been coping up until now (child included) then they probably haven't seen a need to seek any form of assessment. DH and I didn't seek assessment to begin with because our coping mechinisms were working. As DS got older and the gaps between him and his peers became more apparent, as we had more DC and saw that it wasn't our parenting at fault, as he got older and less manageable and didn't grow out of it - that's when we started seeking assessment. Who is to say these parents won't do the same?

And yes to the PP who said that denial is a common stage of the assessment process. I've had moments where I've wondered if we're making a mistake, maybe DS is simply a late bloomer and if we give it another year then he'll be just like the other children. Then he'll do something like scream "go home, dickhead" at the gas man for digging a hole in the street and I realise that actually, no, it's not going to go away if I wait a year.

yorksha my dd was dismissed as highly anxious, not autistic by all those in educational contact with her. One year and a multi disciplinary panel later she has the ASD diagnosis. Sadly it goes both ways and makes me feel a bit jaded to be honest. Just all so inconsistent.

Nicki, my DS school are insisting that there is nothing at all wrong with him. When they got questionnaires from CYPS they completed them but enclosed a note stating that they didn't think the assessment was appropriate or relevant. The SENCO of all people has said that DS can't possibly be autistic because her son is autistic and DS is nothing like him

ifrit I am not one bit surprised. Over four different schools with my two diagnosed children I have found the educational professionals to be the ones who literally do not have a clue when it comes to spectrum conditions. They get very little training and I think see SO many different children passing through that it's easy to just dismiss behaviours that to others stand out a mile. It's a sad state of affairs because so often they're the gate keepers to us accessing referrals and diagnosis and if they're not on board it can make the process so much harder and distressing.

That said I have three friends with son's with autism and we were discussing the other day how very different they are despite their diagnosis. It must be very difficult for professionals to get a handle on what works when there are just so many presentations of ASD.

I think there are far more parents who are out there who know their child has a problem, but the 'professionals' around them are denying those children a proper assessment

Many of these so called professionals don't even understand asd and still cling to myths and misinformation. They simply don't realise the damage they're doing to people.

DS is nothing like him Ifrit your SENCO sounds like a moron.

Yes Hiddenhome, that exactly!

i think it can be a form of neglect.

What's worse is when your child HAS a diagnosis and family members refuse to acknowledge it because they don't believe in it, or think you're just making excuses.

Especially when said family member has children displaying signs of same issues and refuses to seek help :(

My dd8 has ASD and is moderately affected and goes to a specialist ASD school. Because of her, I feel the professionals ASD radar is on overdrive, and want to veer down the ASD route with ds who is almost 4. I am not denying him help, at his school attatched nursery, he is under the specialist teaching team, attends SALT and Paeditrician etc. I just do not feel that he is on the spectrum. He has a 1.5 year developmental and language delay, and is not yet potty ready, I have tried and he does go to the toilet but not on time, and nursery request he is in pull ups because of his inconsistency.

I do not feel he has ASD, even though SALT have said he has social communication and language difficulties, but that does not mean he necessarily has ASD, so I will not go down that route just yet. Since he started school attached nursery in September he has just flourished, he is making friends and his speech has really rocketed. He likes other children and really enjoys playdates. He is able to tell me what goes on at nursery, and how his day has been. One example, my dd was having a meltdown as her car was missing, ds was trying to calm her down, trying to find her car for her, and offering her other ones in its place, whilst she screamed and shouted at him. I fell down and banged my head at home, he came up to me and asked if I was ok, and "mum banged your head", I said yes get daddy, and he went up to the loft conversion and got dh, meanwhile dd was screaming at me that her kindle was not working.

So I know he does not have ASD, he has a developmental delay that's for sure, but with the help of his one to one at mainstream nursery, he is doing really well.

Oh and since starting nursery, he asks why and what questions, and tries to make small talk, which dd never did or does.

I think they find empathy hard, I am holding back at the moment, as i dont think he is tbh, He is quite sociable, so not necessarily ASD. i had a dev delay, I have caught up and have a Postgraduate degree, I think he is like me. You know your child, in in my heart I feel he does not.

My DD is very sociable and has ASD. Not trying to tell you he is on spectrum at all. But these myths need addressing.

I don't want to go down that route just yet, he is thriving with the support at school, and is making good progress, we are looking for an EHCP so that he can go to a mainstream with a speech and communication unit. For now, I am holding back with getting a dx.

Yes Fanjo I know that ASD is a spectrum disorder, for now I will just wait and see.

Yes I have no idea whether he is on spectrum. Obviously I can't say that from posts on here.

However my DD has severe autism and is sociable. I just wanted to address that myth. It's not like only people who are mildly affected are sociable.

Yes there are zzz, I know, but I will just see, I am not denying him the help that he needs, but don't feel that I want to rush into it. As SALT has said, you can have speech and communication difficulties without ASD.

it is all very well saying parents are potentially neglectful if they don't get a dx for their suspected asd child but in some health authorities - mine for example. There is no route to diagnosis... There is literally no way to get my ds dx here. I have to be referred out of area and that is only happening because I researched how and told my gp what to do. So I wouldn't blame parents not pursuing a diagnosis when so many barriers to assessment exist.

There is a mum at our school with a ds with autism, she has been through a lot of fights with this dc to get diagnosis and support (he is moderately affected). Her oldest dc in my opinion also has ASD but high functioning/aspergers. The school wanted to talk about him but she didn't want to know. I don't know whether she is 'in denial' and if so what of? Denial he is on the spectrum or that that means more fighting for support? I think she has no fight left and while the older child is coping she only has enough energy to fight on behalf of the younger one.