to want to resign from new job?

[Whatatotalmess]

We have moved to a new part of the country and so I have started a new job doing something slightly different (although in the same broad field as I have always worked). I asked for a part time role but they said that they could only accommodate a full time one, albeit that to be fair they did give me a small concession to flexibility.

It was a mistake. I am out of my depth in this different area and due to the extended hours required to accommodate the workload and the horrible commute, I hardly see my young DC from Monday - Friday. I have to say that the people are lovely and my new boss is great; they have given me positive feedback and it isn't their fault at all. It just isn't something we can sustain as a family, especially as DH has a high pressure job also.

I feel horribly guilty for having messed them around. They will have spent quite a lot of money recruiting me and half of me thinks I need to stay long enough for them to get their money's worth, while the other half thinks it would be less disruptive to them if I confessed now that it wasn't working and departed before they've wasted more time on me.

To complicate matters further, I
am the only person working even remotely "flexibly". I feel I would be doing over every single woman who came after me and giving them an excuse to refuse any requests for flexibility in the future. One day it will be DD...

Has anyone else felt like this? What did you do? What do you think is the minimum time that you need to stay in a job to be seen as a reasonable person and not flaky or slightly mad? Thank you!

Has the entire family relocated?

How long have you been doing the job?

Jobs will come and go but you DC won't be small for long. If you can afford to find a less stressful job with less hours do.
Employers are going to have to take note of work life balance soon. I work in a professional where 12 14 hour days are the norm and women with children are leaving or asking to go,part time.

Did you move for your job?

Yes, they have. And just less than a month. I do know how absolutely awful that sounds. Honestly, I was in my last job for years and years..

Firstly - yes they will have paid out for your recruitment, but there in most recruitment contracts a degree of claw back. So if you have only been doing this for 3 weeks, it is better to potentially give notice as they will be able to claw some of the fee back from the recruitment consultant. (purely from the point of view of your employers)

Secondly - stop worrying about what may or might happen with people who you dont really know that well. You have to do whats right for your family. That might be carrying on as I dont know if you could survive on DH wage alone, but make the decision on whats right for you as a family, not on guilt

Thirdly - you have said they are nice people, who have given you fantastic feedback. As an employer myself I would rather that a new member of the team, who i thought was doing really well , came to see me to discuss their concerns rather than just quitting.

You dont know - they might be able to accomodate part time, now they see how much they like you. Or you may be able to agree you working part time until they find someone else. Or they might be able to offer you a few days working from home, and more training and support. If you feel you can speak to them, then pls do as Im sure some of this may well be able to be resolved.

No, Laguna, we didn't, but it was part of a long term plan DH and I had always had to move out of London.

It would definitely be the end of this particular career for me if I were to resign, but frankly, I have reached a point where I think I'm ok with that. I don't know what I'd do next but I think I'm happy to take a little bit of risk in exchange for DD knowing who I am and not being brought up by our (very nice) nanny. I know that lots of parents do this sort of job but often that is balanced with having family nearby or the other parent having a more flexible role. I am the "part time" one of DH and I, but that still involves 50 hour weeks and a fairly chunky commute right now.

Yanbu, life is too short to do a job you hate.

Resign. I would.
You sound very unhappy and life is too short for that kind of drudge.
Don't worry what they think. Just hand in your notice and chalk it down to experience.

If I were in your shoes, I would have an honest conversation with my manager and explain that, when I agreed to the full time job, I thought it would be suitable. However, in practise it is not so. And therefore, with regret, I will need to resign to find a part time position elsewhere.

If it really has to be a FT post, they will have to accept that you are going. On the other hand, it might end up with an offer of PT work.

But obviously don't do this if you wouldn't want it part time, just quit.

I honestly don't think there is a 'right' length of time for a job. They have already spent the money recruiting you, it is a sunk cost.

I've been there OP and I resigned. It was a big news story in my sector at the time (can't say more for fear of outing myself but happy to message if it would help).

Yes it was tough but I never regretted it. Trust your instinct then be honest with your employers. Good luck.

Ok so this is how I see it.

You've been in your last job for years and years. So massively in your comfort zone culturally and professionally I presume.
You now have a brand new job, in a new sector and the learning curve is going to be sharp?
You are working 50 hour weeks as part of that curve and you are physically and mentally exhausted. [from the commute and the knowledge you have to absorb.
You want to pack it in after 3 weeks? I guess you started after Christmas?
You've had very positive feedback, so your perception of how you are coping professionally at least is somewhat skewed.
You took the new job despite your DH's pressured job in anticipation of a new life in the country but instead have made life harder and not easier.

As your employer I'd be fairly pissed off and taken aback if you resigned in such a short space of time. I would feel that you hadn't given yourself a chance to adjust and if I were middle management I would be very concerned about how it was going to reflect on me.
If the workload isn't manageable with a FT employee then it is not going to magically turn into a PT job.
50 hrs plus a commute is not a fecking part time job. What are you contracted for?
Have you actually said no to anything you have been asked to do? In a "Yes I can do that. I can schedule it in for September as I am fully loaded until then?

The exact same thing happened to me. I could have written your original post. I got made redundant after being on maternity leave and took the first job I got, realised on my first day that it didn’t feel right. It was a long commute, long hours so I never got to do pick up or drop offs for my son’s nursery and the job wasn’t quite doing what I wanted to do. Friends and family thought it was back to work nerves and advised that I stay on for at least a year but I got worried I’d get pigeon holed. I knew from day 1 it wasn’t for me. But the people were lovely, my manager was nice, the whole office was lovely, so it was so hard.

I had an honest conversation with my manager 10 days into the job! She said she understood and that I was brave to come and tell her and that she appreciated my honesty.

They asked me to stay on till they found someone else, which I agreed with as, like you, they thought my work was good and I had received positive feedback. They said they would give me a good reference and let me have time off for interviews.

I felt so much better once I told her!

In the end, they put me in touch with one of their clients who were recruiting and I got the job! It made me feel so much better for telling the truth.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Talk to your manager before quitting, it's only fair, but make it clear that you won't be persuaded to stay on the current terms. They'll have to negotiate with you, or lose you.