To ask about men watching a women's dance class.

[farawayplay]

I've gone to a few sessions of a dance class.

Although it isn't specifically advertised for women, it's only women who attend.

Last class, a middle aged man sat on the sides of the room, watching the women. Not a complete stranger - I believe his partner and daughter were participating in the class.

It's a fairly relaxed amateur community centre room set-up with no specific viewing gallery. People coming and going to pick stuff up.

There is a comfortable and warm waiting area outside. The class before us was all children, so I can understand how on that occasion the men felt they had to stay in for the children.

But for this one, his daughter was definitely older than 16 (and her mum was there too) and he had clearly decided to "sit in" and watch the women.

It was just a regular class - there may be a public performance at some stage, but this was a "practice the moves and get beginners in" session.

When I attended a similar class before, in a more professional set-up, my partner at the time was told not to even stand and peek through the glass in the door at the performers

Am I right in thinking he's only been there for one class? And he could potentially have given his wife and daughter a lift/be waiting for them to go on somewhere afterwards together/have any number of good reasons to come to one class and no more?

Haha dojo don't let that get in the way of the pearl clutching!

I wouldn't expect there to be spectators at an exercise class for adults.

It's not a question of pearl clutching
It's not allowed at any dance place where I've taken classes and I can't imagine it happening at gym class, unless maybe you were a member and wanted to be sure that it wasn't too hard for you, in which case they'd likely say ten minutes.

Tough shit if you're giving someone a lift, take your face some place else.

It's also not a gender thing, I'm only ever at mixed classes. Why would anyone want to take their dance class with some random watching? It's not like those Royal Ballet ticketed rehearsals!

I went to belly dance classes. The teacher used to put sugar paper over the fire safety windows to stop men peering in. Otherwise there'd be a gaggle of them taking position every week.
Urgh.

Maybe he was cold and didn't want to sit in car Tomas he was giving relatives a lift home?

Maybe he wnated to watch a class before plucking up the courage to try it himself?

There used to be an over 50s zumba class in tbe gym next to the hall where DS did martial arts. It has glass window and the smaller kids used look through it and watch. Most were lovely and tried to join in or sing along apart from one lad (about 8) who used to stand yelling 'but they are soooooo ollllld hahahahah!'. Every week. His mum used to just gaze at him.

I don't want people watching my keep fit classes! I'm too embarrassed.

User, if someone wants to watch to assess if they can do it, then usually it's time limited and the teacher explains that is why they are there.

Still think it's a better rule just to say no, or everyone who is bored and taking someone home in the car will want to watch. Annoying.

Keep inviting him to join in. He'll either join in or go away.
I wouldnt like spectators at yoga/dance/pilates either. Conversely we often have spectators at boxing and that doesnt bother me. Not sure why

Rightly or wrongly I would feel uncomfortable and if I thought it was going to be a regular occurrence I wouldn't go back.

Yanbu.
Why on earth would you wish have the time to sit watching your adult daughter/wife participate in a dance class?
Any bloke I know would wait outside, read the paper, go off and do something else or preferably stay at home.
Just odd, very very odd.

No with you op I would think he was a wierdo.

No man I know would do that. They would wait in the waiting area that op describes.

I would have a word with the class teacher and tell her he goes or I do.

It is super creepy. Shouldn't he at least be on his phone or reading something.

You know that some porn is based around exercise themes ...

I don't think it's odd or creepy for him to be curious and interested in what his wife and daughter are doing.

However I think the needs of the participants who might feel inhibited or less comfortable with an audience are more important.

It sounds entirely reasonable to watch your partner and 'child' doing an activity. My parents would sometimes both attend my swimming, to watch. If he joins in another session would that also make you uncomfortable? My dad started karate after watching me for a few weeks. I did it until 18. He's still going at 60?
They may have been going on to dinner ie another family activity? He might be uncomfortable in the waiting area / wanted to talk about the class after.

We sometimes have student teachers or, more commonly, people who are training as accompanists for ballet classes come & observe our classes. When vocational students are in their parents have to content themselves with watching from reception (we're in the studio behind reception & there's a window so everyone entering the studios can admire us... lovely...) or sneak down to the doorway. Sometimes a company director or similar will rock up. They're allowed in to watch. But will get told off if they're too noisy... My ballet teacher has also invited my father to come & watch class. (He's not, because it would just be Too Weird. With the bit where I'm an adult.)

So blokes watching class from inside the studio is actually vastly less creepy to me than the doorway-lurkers, because they have been granted permission to be there by the teacher. The teacher will be aware that most adult dancers are self-conscious & will have factored that in to their decision-making process when it came to granting permission for this chap to watch class. I can't see a teacher granting permission to watch based on "I don't fancy waiting in the car" alone, so I think it's safe to assume there is something else going on.

If you feel uncomfortable, you need to discuss it with your teacher. I'd wait & see if he's back next class & also listen out for any announcement that explains his presence that you might have missed this time around. If it was a one-off, no need to say anything at all. If he's back again & you've not been told he's thinking of joining the class/he's training as an accompanist/he wants to watch his wife & daughter because [valid/tragic reason] & you still feel uncomfortable, you need to talk to the teacher. Well I suppose you need to talk to them even if you've got an explanation for his presence that goes beyond "I don't want to sit in the car" & you feel uncomfortable.

There is a big difference between watching a class & doing a class. We quite often have people peer in through the door of the studio & it's easy to tell who's watching the dancing & who's creeping watching the dancers. (Perils of busy studio used for non-dance activities. Ugh.). As I said earlier, it's the lurkers I worry about more...

Dance style is along that in timelytess's post.

Thanks for all the perspectives, I think I might just find another Saturday morning recreation and/or get a dance DVD my Saturdays are meant to be for relaxing!

faraway why on earth would you leave the class rather than just speak to the teacher about it.

5 minute conversation - job done.

If you do decide that this is a deal breaker for you, please let the teacher know! S/he might be able to reassure you that it was a one off, or say that it's been bothering him/her too and s/he has been looking for an excuse to say something etc.

I wouldn't want viewers at my yoga/dance classes - and have only twice experienced them - in both instances they were under 12 years old though!

Just a random thought, but if the class before yours was for children, they may have been getting changed in the waiting area afterwards, and he couldn't very well have sat in there while they were doing that could he?

Perhaps the mum and daughter have been trying to persuade him to join in the classes, or it was freezing outside and he didn't want to sit in the car.

At least he wasn't lurking, or creeping about outside and peering in through the windows!

I don't think its creepy, but I wouldn't be happy - I'm really self conscious exercising and wouldn't really want anyone watching, regardless of gender. Op said there was a waiting room.

I run a dance school from local village halls. If I had my own studio, I would have a separate waiting room to keep parents, siblings, etc out of the way (they are bloody noisy). However, I don't. So they are always people waiting at the sides. I have some that travel in a large group on a bus and because they take part in a variety of classes across the night, they are there from beginning to end.

For those reasons, I don't ban spectators, even in adult classes. I just expect them to be quiet and respectful while I'm teaching.

If you feel very uncomfortable, please talk to your teacher. They would rather know and be able to solve the issue than lose a dancer, particularly if you enjoy the class. Unless someone raised it as an issue with me, I would assume there was no problem.

Dance style is along that in timelytess's post

So, similar to belly dance, OP?

In that case, I think it's strange that the guy is watching his own partner and adult daughter dancing, let alone watching everyone else in the class.

I'd complain to the class leader - I bet you're not alone in feeling uncomfortable.