To be upset that these friends never bother with me (FB related)?

[EverythingChangesButChocolate]

When I was pregnant with my youngest child, who is now 6, I joined a mum's club for that month on another parenting forum. When our babies were about 18 months that forum closed down and so we all started a facebook group and carried on chatting there. There are about 20 of us in total.

I have met many of these women and we have had several big group nights out, and I comment and offer support regularly on our Facebook group.

I just feel quite upset as none of them apart from one or two ever comment on or like anything that I put on Facebook, yet they are extremely active on each others' photos and statuses. I know it's only Facebook and that it's meant to be no indication of real life but I can't help the fact that I do find it upsetting and like they're making a bit of a statement that they don't like me. They didn't even comment when my grandad died last year and I did a status about it, yet if one of them posts anything at all they are all over each other.

What gets me too, and I know this makes me seem like a saddo but I cannot help but notice it, is the two women that get the most likes and comments on their stuff never ever comment on anyone else's stuff, and never acknowledge replies from anyone else in the group. I have tried doing the same as these two women but it didn't change anything and still none of them commented on my stuff.

The two that do comment only comment occasionally, and it's never anything very friendly or warm.

Like I said, I know it's only Facebook but I consider them all to be real-life friends as I've met them, and as they live all around the country FB is the way to keep in touch with them all.

AIBU to be upset by it all? I am considering just deleting them all, leaving the group and moving on.

I didn't insult you. You clearly don't want advice, you want everyone to feel sorry for you. Frankly if your posts on this thread reflect your posts on fb I'm not surprised they ignore them.

I and others have said focus on the people who do care and stop trying to analyse why these people don't, it's a total waste of time and energy, not everyone likes you op, get over it.

My understanding of the way FB works is that you need repeated likes or comments to keep your post at the top of your friends News Feeds. So there is a strong possibility that you are receiving a few likes and disappearing off their pages before they have a chance to even see your post. Particularly if they have a busy page with lots of activity

OP sorry if I'm repeating someone else but have you checked your settings? My brother was giving out a while ago that I never liked his holiday pictures, he had his page set to 'only me' or something so no one else was seeing his stuff.
He thought no one liked him for months

Ouch, CaptainCrunch! No need for that at all! I did not post for everyone to feel sorry for me and have appreciated the constructive advice and agreed with someone who said they are not interested in me. Just no need for you to try to spitefully get your point across when others manage to get the point across far more nicely....

gandal, I totally agree with everything you've said. I really do need to prune my FB friends.

Don't feel bad, but it might be time to move on. I moved on from my NCT group when a few of them started bitching about another group member (and by extension, I was pretty sure me). These just weren't people who were really good friends. It took my husband to point this out to me- I was stuck a bit like you, trying to wonder why you were in a group where you weren't that popular.

Make the break, I don't think you will regret it, perhaps stay in touch with one or two people if you really like them- the rest, leave behind.

I got the impression that op was seeking to get stuff off her chest, which is ok too

OP, Facebook "friends" are not really friends. People move on etc. and without Facebook you wouldn't know a thing about them or their lives anymore and vice versa. Dont sweat it.

Agree that if they have hundreds of friends then unless they deliberately look for your feeds they won't see them, particularly if their newsfeed is set to most popular rather than most recent which is why liked posts attract more likes.
I don't have many friends and often set my feed to most recent (Facebook likes to set it back to most popular) but still miss stuff as I'm not on it that much.
If it's making you miserable stop and join something in the real world with people you like.

I think mum friendships can be very fickle too

Right, I have just left the group and am currently deleting the lot of them.....

Delete them and you'll feel better. I did this and once I started, I deleted 60 ish people! Very cathartic. And I have lots os lists that restrict what those left can see. Only close friends and family see all my posts.

I don't think you're needy btw. I completely understand. Some people simply don't prioritise others they way they themselves wish to be prioritised!

Cross-post Downstairs

So when you cull... Dontoinwant delete everyone who doesn't speak to you on the playground for example?
Anyone who hasn't interacts with you online for a certain amount of time?
And does deleting school people does it affect your children's social lives? I feel like the kids are friends and if I deleted them the mums would not let the kids invite my kids to parties or play dates?

Good for you op :)

And the school people I refer to dont talk to me at school now anyway but I feel like I would be committing social suicide for my kids? I mean they are polite at parties or if I approach them but they would never approach me...

And yes, well done op I wish inwas as brave!

I think you're looking at it the wrong way. Focus on friendships - meeting for coffee, having a chat, taking an interest in people's lives. Who gives a shit if a load of randoms like your pictures?

Afoot just put them on a different list. That way you don't offend but you don't share too much. I highly recommend it!

It's also possible that they aren't seeing your posts. Facebook has such a funny algorithm for deciding who sees what from their friends list. I see all sorts of rubbish I would rather not (eg. friend commenting on a non-mutual other friend's posts) but they don't show me all the posts of my actual friends!

Eg. I was recently back in my home country for almost a month, had made several posts and yet my aunt had no idea because FB hadn't shown her any.

Just another POV.

Our talk guidelines and a reminder that if there's one thing we can all do with it's some moral support
OP, glad to read you're reducing these FB mates - hope you feel better about it all soon.
Peace and love all

Sorry, you may consider them friends but they clearly do not regard you as such. When this has happened to me I simply say 'Their loss' and move on.

I'd personally leave the FB group and remove them as contacts.

People can be so hurtful. You have my sympathies, OP.

I've had similar issues recently and have just unfollowed rather than deleted and it's helped. I still see one mum in the playground & im civil but not close to her any more. As someone else pointed out (and to me when I posted)-some mum friend groups are toxic

Hope you feel better soon. Im in a similar FB group (was your original group I Village by any chance?) and I know exactly what you mean.