To think people who say "It's just a period, man up"...

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

... are twats?

I see this all the time on social media, on forums, hear it in real life and it's driving me crazy! People thinking they're so tough and hard and saying "Ugh why are some women such wimps, it's just a period, no-one needs time off for a period, just man up". Please tell me this isn't a widespread belief and I'm just unlucky to be surrounded by twats who feel this way? They seem utterly incapable of realising that not everyone has a three-day period that they can manage with a medium-flow Lil-Lets and a paracetamol at the most.

Why is it almost always women that say this? And why do they take such pride and triumph in saying this, like "Yes, I've won the Period Olympics, I am Queen of the Periods, look at me!" and treat anyone struggling with period pain/heavy periods/endometriosis/PCOS/severe PMT like they're just wimps?

This seems to come up all the time on feminist groups of all places. Why is this something people get competitive over?!

I would never tell anyone to "man up" and i'm not even sure how you can know what someone elses pain feels like? I've definitely had v bad cramps where i dont know wether to move, stay still, curl up or stretch out. I also work with someone who proudly told me she's never taken
painkillers for a period.

I once had a P.E teacher (male) who stated that it was a terrible excuse not to do P.E because of a period and I should not expect special treatment! I used to struggle into school/work determined not to let it get the better of me and more than once was taken home because I had passed out. Pain killers and heat pads now do have an effect and make it manageable (since I've had a child), but the memories of mind-blowing pain every month still make me dread each period even now. I used to have to crawl to the kitchen to re-fill my hot water bottles and they would be so hot I would end up with blisters over my stomach and back. I would love to tell that teacher now that according to new research exercise does not help ease the pain and if a 14 year old girl has dragged herself into school and tries her hardest to concentrate on work through enormous amounts of pain then she should not be made to feel bad about not being able to complete the fucking 400 meters!!

Am I the only one whose periods got worse after having a child? Lots saying it was worse pre-kids... I had DD at 19 and my periods before that were incredibly heavy and painful, but now they're on a whole new level. I'd honestly get pregnant to avoid it if I could have sex without being in excruciating agony from it afterwards :(

I'm not sure how you'd know that someone is "swinging the lead" though? Everyone's periods are different and affect them differently, nothing to do with pain tolerance threshold etc, so how can you tell if one person is genuine and another is putting it on?

YABU... I have PCOS. Very heavy and long periods. Do I stay in bed? No! I get on with it. There are people with disabilities and cancer and all sorts in the world that have to just get on with it everyday. When I hear anyone complain about their period I think they are pathetic and feeble.

What a truly stupid post, nutella. Why would you judge others according to your personal experience?

I also have very heavy periods that typically last 6/7 days. I often experience flooding which can be awkward and embarrassing. I sometimes experience very unpleasant period pain, which can be difficult to manage if I don't take the right kind of painkiller at exactly the right time. However, my periods are manageable on the whole.

Before I had dd, it was a different story. Almost every month, I would experience crippling period pain on the first and second days of my period. I always got diarrhoea at that time of the month, and would often spend the first day of my period vomitting. Occasionally I also passed out. I don't ever remember ringing in sick because of this, though with hindsight I probably should have done - I tended to be a bit of a martyr when I was younger. I do remember getting sent home a couple of times, and I also remember a few very unpleasant afternoons sitting on the floor of the toilet in work, unable to move.

As a manager, I have sent staff home previously due to menstrual issues, as I know that some people do really struggle. I feel lucky that mine are so much better since I had dd, but it's just fucking stupid to assume that other people should be able to cope with it just because you can.

I think you're surrounded by twats and I feel for you.
My mum was telling me how before she had her first baby, she was almost climbing up the walls in pain. I was prepared to get the same, but only got quite mild pain. But then I get fucking horrible diarrhoea on day one and my period lasts 7-10 days.
Anyway, YANBU.

TimetoMuskup said "I went to the GP so many times it became a joke"

There's something comforting in knowing that there is an army of women going through the same thing out there.

There's also something absolutely infuriating about it.

I've been talking to lots and lots of women going through endo, fibroids, and menorrhagia. And this story is repeated over and over and over again. Women tell me they've been back to the doctor 10, 20, 30 times and primary care are simply refusing to intervene. These women are not only suffering to the point that work is almost impossible (some aren't just having periods but bleeding constantly), but their mental health is suffering, and their sexual relationships are under severe strain too. It's incredibly frightening not to be able to stop bleeding. I do not believe that it is either caring or humane to leave women in this state.

This cannot be right.

I believe that the only way to correct this is for us to get together and demand that the NICE guidelines are followed in a reasonable timeframe by GPs. That means trying front line treatments like the Mirena, hormonal pills and then moving on swiftly if these don't work to look at surgical options. Women's iron levels and general health should be monitored properly, because there is tale after tale of people collapsing because of the very severest anemia. I have also personally experienced (and heard many other cases) of women being given very misleading information about those surgical options to put them off.

I honestly believe the only way to get proper treatment is to arm ourselves with factual information (knowledge is power), and to be as bolshy as hell about the fact that something needs to be done in the primary care setting. To achieve that, we also need a resource where women who are going through this can talk about it privately with one another, share their stories and what works for them in terms of management, and encourage one another to keep fighting. I'm hoping to set up a website focused just on heavy bleeding as a symptom that will provide this.

Some info that I found out that might help others:

For anyone bleeding out of cycle: you should be given a cervical sample test. This should go into the symptomatic programme - it is not part of the screening programme. Many GPs are failing to administer these smears at an early stage - and this is a big factor in late presentation of cervical cancer cases.

It's normal to be STD tested on first presentation. However, it's not normal for this to be repeated over and over and over again, and no other treatment to be offered! If you're stuck in this cycle (as I was, and several other women I know), demand that you are given further treatments.

There are TWO drugs that you can take together to reduce flow. Tranexamic acid and mefanamic acid. You can't, however, take the latter with ibuprofen. Together they do provide quite a lot of help, and it's worth asking your GP for both.

The Mirena coil works really well for some women. For others, it doesn't even put a dent in the problem. It's important to realise that this treatment can take some months to work, so you need to be patient. However - and this is another thing that makes me cross - I know of several instances where a woman has tried it for a year, found it not to be effective, and the GP has refused to remove it. I find this outrageous - it should be a woman's choice what happens with her own body.

To anyone with fibroids: you do not have to suffer. There are now very light, cheap surgical removal methods that are fertility-preserving involving very brief use of a morcellator to remove them.

shove I totally agree with you.

I have mid-cycle bleeding, pain after intercourse etc etc and yet I can't get a smear test because of my age. I have to wait another four years until I'm eligible.

Ovaries - that's simply not right!

There are two separate systems for taking a cervical sample. Firstly, there's screening, which is the regular interval sampling for women who don't have any symptoms. And then secondly, there are diagnostic tests, which are not part of the screening programme, which are for women with symptoms.

If you are presenting at the GP with symptoms of cervical cancer, like bleeding between periods, you must be referred for further tests. These will in all likelihood include a similar sample to that used for the screening programme, but it will be sent on as a diagnostic sample, not a screening sample. You absolutely DO NOT have to wait for your next smear.

Unfortunately, some GPs are very confused about this. I have had GPs tell me the same thing you have been told, and I've had to refer them to the actual guidance and correct them. I find it terrifying that women are turning up with symptoms and getting the wrong advice. It's completely and utterly unacceptable. Of course, in many cases the symptoms turn out to be caused by something that isn't cancer at all. But the point is, we do need to rule out nasties and the guidance is absolutely explicit: women with symptoms of cervical cancer must be referred for tests to rule this out.

Please, please go back to your GP and ask for a symptomatic/diagnostic smear. I am particularly concerned that you say you can't get a smear test 'because of your age' - if you have passed the menopause, this needs checking out asap.

(As a side note, you used to be able to access all the screening guidance online, including all the info for professionals etc. It's all vanished now, and women only have a shit and patronising NHS Choices website. This also should be changed! It's really disempowering)

shove it's because I'm under the minimum age, rather than past menopause.

Ovaries - gotcha. Message is the same: you are entitled to - and should ask for - a symptomatic/diagnostic smear!

Women under the age of 25 aren't included in the cervical screening programme (for sound reasons that I won't go into here, but I am happy to go into it if anyone who wants to know!), but they are still entitled to exactly the same diagnostic tests as any other woman if they are experiencing symptoms.

SO many times in these rare cases where young women get this disease they've been back time and time again to the GP and not been referred.

That's good to know thanks shove, will get back to my GP! She's a fab GP and I think it's our local NHS board cost cutting that has caused these issues :( but I'll make my case for a symptomatic smear, thank you for the info!

I agree with the reasons for not doing routine smears as part of the cervical screening programme but sometimes it seems to get confused even by HCPs and gets translated into "women under 25 can't get these conditions so there's no point testing even when they're symptomatic". I know my symptoms are probably caused by endo, but it seems awful to take the risk!

Thank you for the info, you're a

You should definitely get a smear, cost or no cost - it's national policy and any good GP should know it! There are too many people in primary care confused by the difference between screening and symptomatic smears. It makes a bit cross because a lot of effort has gone into outlining this in packs that they have received.

Cervical cancer is vanishingly rare in the under 25s, but it still happens very occasionally. Best to rule it out - and then at least you can move on to another stage in the flowchart towards a proper diagnosis. Endo is notoriously a long road...