Pull ups.....go back 20 years.....

[Janeymoo50]

...or more. Why are so many 3 and 4 year olds in pull ups? I get that there are children with SN, before you all start with my child is this, my child has that. There was a thread recently about bedtime, all kids wore nappies of sorts, until the age of 9, every response said it was normal to have kids in nappies at 6 and over, what the feck is it!!!

[LBOCS2]

Twenty years ago my DSis was 7, and she still periodically wet the bed. She is completely NT, no problems - it just took her longer to be dry at night. And it wasn't an issue - except for the extra laundry it created.

DD was potty trained at 2.5. No dramas, very few accidents. She's now 3.2 and still wears a pull up at night. Because 5/7 nights, it's wet when she wakes up. She's not ready to go overnight yet, and I'm not prepared to do a shed load more laundry and deal with night wakings in the interest of 'making her uncomfortable' when she does wee overnight. She'll get it. And if she doesn't, within a reasonable timeframe, we'll seek help. But she's only 3.

[insan1tyscartching]

My oldest two 26 and 28, both trained themselves at three,many of their playmates were also three so it wasn't that unusual back then as advice was to wait until they were ready. The ones who were trained early were mostly girls who had heavy input from grandparents from what I can remember anyway.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

About 4 or 5 years ago DD had a friend 'round who was 6ish - 6 or 7 - at the time. She had no SN that we know of (she still lives locally though we see less of her as they are at different secondary schools). She wet herself twice and didn't say anything, I found her wet. I changed her into DD's clothes and bagged her clothes up, but DD (who is my eldest so I didn't have bigger children's clothes in the house) was about 15cm shorter than her so she looked a bit odd in her clothes...

When her mum picked her up she just said "oh yes" when I handed her the wet clothes she'd arrived in and told her it had happened twice but otherwise everything was fine.

I wish she'd been in pull ups, whatever the reason! It can hardly be better to be wetting yourself if its something your parents know might happen!

That is the only visiting child who has wet themselves and I have 3 kids who all have 'round a lot. Plenty of sleepovers and no evidence of pull ups either!

[PhilPhilConnors]

I haven't rtft but there was a thread a while ago about this.
Someone managed to find some statistics about numbers of DC still in nappies after they'd started school.
The rates were higher, but explained by there being more DC with SN in mainstream schools.
Whoever was attributing it to lazy parenting was talking bollocks.

Twenty years ago I remember talking to a primary school teacher who was having the very same moan as the op. People like to hark back to the good old days, and at the same time won't let facts get in the way of a good story.

[Funandgamesandfun]

I have 3 children. The eldest and youngest were dry day and night by 2 years 9 months. The middle one was dry in the day by her second birthday but still wet at night until she was 9.5. I took it extremely seriously, she had urine tests, blood tests and ultrasounds to check for physical problems. She was given medicine which was meant to stop wetting and it didn't, she was given an alarm, and it didn't wake her up. We limited drinks, we took her to the toilet when we went to bed. NOTHING worked. The doctors told us time and again that eventually she would grow out of it when the correct hormone kicked it. And low and behold about 3 months ago she was dry, completely dry. She's totally NT, she hated it, and as she got older it bothered her more and more but she truly couldn't help it and believe me we wanted her dry as much as she wanted it

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Janeymoo - my bright, articulate ds1, who had no special needs (and now has a 2:1 in Law), was still regularly wetting the bed at age 10 and beyond. We didn't put him in pull-ups, because we didn't think they would help him - but if we had, I would have been hurt and offended by ignorance like yours.

We had visits to the Enuresis clinic, he had desmopressin spray to use when he was having sleepovers, we used to 'lift' him every night, at around 11.30pm, for a last wee, and we ended up using a bedwetting alarm, which finally sorted out the problem for him.

Is there any chance you are going to come back and acknowledge the points that have been made, over and over again, about night-time continence being controlled by a hormone - something over which parents and children have zero control?

[milkmilklemonade12]

I doubt the OP will be back

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think you're right, milkmilk - I would have some respect for her if she had the gumption to come back and admit she might have been wrong.

[ouryve]

40 years ago, I was still wearing a big, horrible terry nappy to bed when I was 4 and I was still wetting myself at school in the equivalent of year 1.

Incontinent school age kids is not a new thing.

[milkmilklemonade12]

¯<span class="underline">(ツ)/¯ I completely agree! You don't find that often on AIBU though.

And actually, I'm really sorry for all the parents who could have looked at this thread and felt like they failed again for another night. We are just trying my DS without pull-ups at the moment at night (he's 5) and it's hard going. We are going to do it for 2 weeks on a trial and then go back if needs be. I'm glad I've got the pull-ups to fall back on.

It's not that he isn't trying. It's not that I'm not trying. It's just a bit shit, and actually; I feel really sorry for him because I recognise the look on his face when he wakes up in a wet pull-up or wet sheets and he feels like he's failed

[kungfupannda]

It just depends on the child and their readiness. Parents haven't suddenly become crap over the last few decades.

DS1 just decided he was ready to use the toilet at about 2 1/2. From one day to the next he was out of nappies and dry night and day. Not a single accident.

DS2 was a bit reluctant but potty trained fairly quickly at about the same age, a couple of daytime accidents but fairly easy and painless. He's now just turned 4 and is still in pull-ups at night. He sleeps very deeply and wees a lot. If he wasn't in pull-ups we'd be having multiple accidents every night.

[ouryve]

Have a medal, doublebubble

[x2boys]

ouryve

[Micah]

We are just trying my DS without pull-ups at the moment at night (he's 5) and it's hard going. We are going to do it for 2 weeks on a trial and then go back if needs be

I used to say thy could try without nappies if they had 3 dry nappies in a row. If they wet the bed it was straight back into nappies though. 2 weeks and I'd have gone mad with the laundry!

It did help mine to point out the stats in school terms. I asked them to point out the 12 children in yr 1 and 2 that had nappies at night, and the 5 other children in their reception class. Of course they couldn't, which reassured them that nobody could point them out, and that it was entirely normal if there were 18 children in their infant school going through the same.

[MrsBobDylan]

I think this 'loads of kids starting school wearing nappies' is an urban myth. And I agree with reallytired that it is most likely to be those with sn wearing them in ms.

Also, the pull ups at night - are some really suggesting that some parents really want their child to wear nappies so are just not making enough effort? Or that an 8 year old prefers wearing a pull up? Nonsense!

[whatsoever]

Delighted that you had such an easy job potty training your kids OP. Good for you.

My DS (age 3) won't poo in a toilet/potty and when we try to enforce that he should he just DOESNT POO. He tries, but he just can't get his head round it yet. However if he asks for a pull up, he poos in there, we flush it down the loo and he's back in his pants.

I'm not going to waste any thought on your exasperation and seeming belief that parents should enforce your norm on their kids to the extent they make them constipated or humiliated though.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Yy whatsoever even without sn, NT children might just develop a psychological hang up about some aspect of it. They are little people after all, with their own individual sensitivities.

My ds got the hang of going for a poo long before he could tell he needed a wee, and was dry at night - what piece of the jigsaw did I miss? Oh that's right, the bit where it involved another human being.

[MrsFrisbyMouse]

Another way we can judge people and deem ourselves superior - why does it matter when someone else chooses to potty train?

In the 1800's they used to use pieces of cloth that often weren't even washed between times and just hung up to dry - little knowledge of bacterial infections etc.

In the early 1900's the use of laxatives to promote poking at predictable times was common place.

A commonly held belief in the West was that early potty training was what made the Japanese so aggressive. That their 'brutality and sadism' was a case of potty rage.

Then came the age of permissive parenting with people like Dr Spock advocating 'your child will let you know when they are ready', a rhetoric picked up by pampers (funny that)

So yes - modern nappies have it seemed led to an increase in the age of potty training - but again does it really matter?

And the OP touched on special needs but promptly dismissed it. There are a lot more children now - and a better understanding of children with special needs. One group in particular who have trouble are children with speech and language delays who often genuinely have great delays in other areas of bodily functions as well. But speech delays are very common. But with overnight control being particularly tricky - I have know parents implement all sorts of wake to toilet/lifting techniques etc rather than be seen to put an older child in nappies. (mostly because of fear/social pressure) But if it means parent and child get a good nights sleep - is it really that awful?

We live in a world where our children are given greater autonomy over their own bodies these days. Where there is a recognition of them as individuals, not just things for adults to stamp authority over. Perhaps later potty training is part of that?

[MrsFrisbyMouse]

pooing not poking... that's an unfortunate error.

[ruthsmumkath]

My dd1 is normal and fairly intelligent - grammar school etc but wasn't dry through the night til 6-7 years - my husband's side of family were all wetters and apparently it's genetic.

She wore pull ups.

Good job they make them.

All my kids have had pt issues til nearly age 5.

All fairly normal intelligence wise.

My twin sisters kids were all pt almost 2 years before mine.

We are all different. I never used dummies - yet it never offended me that companies made them, or that people used them.

[ReallyTired]

"A commonly held belief in the West was that early potty training was what made the Japanese so aggressive. That their 'brutality and sadism' was a case of potty rage."

Really... have you got a link. I think that in the 1940s all nationalities advocated early potty trainng. Next you will be suggesting that early potty training led to the rise of fascism, the french revolution, communism or the holocaust or an explanation of why Islamic state want nuclear war heads.

Parenting is hard at the best of times without people having a go at each other. There are many ways of teaching a child to use a toilet with love.

[BreakingDad77]

The difference is that we don't humiliate them any more

I remember at infants school by name the two in our class that wetted there carpet square in assembly and the other weed while seated and they were in part bullied by ostracisation.

If pull ups can avoid this - why not!

[SatsukiKusakabe]

reallytired I don't think mrsfrisby was putting that forward as her own opinion so don't carried away with the straw man.

I took from it the point that over time there have been many different theories and beliefs about potty training, some erroneous, that it doesn't really matter which way it happens, and that there are positives to where we are culturally at the moment - how have you reached fascism and ISIS?

[PirateJones]

I deliberately force my 8 year old to wear nappies, Just to annoy people on this very thread.

I would remind people to be careful what they say about nappies / pooing as there are people out there with fetishes that get off on this kind of thing.

[NickyEds]

I have a just-turned 2 year old and a 6 month old. I really don't get this whole lazy parent thing. It's annoying. Nowadays (as opposed to "in my day") parents are "lazy" for not weaning at 10 sodding weeks, "lazy" for not doing CIO to get babies to sleep through at 12 weeks, "lazy" for giving them a dummy, "lazy" for putting them in buggies (rather than never going more than 300 yards from the house), "lazy" for not potty training them at 19 months..........there's always something.