To give up?

[gardenangels]

Trying to sort out financial settlement. He lives with OW but wants to get a mortgage and cannot do this unless I take over the mortgage or agree to sell family house early and buy something smaller. Everytime we arrange to talk he cannot talk as arranged and I get a rubbish text excuse. I suspect OW is behind this game playing. Should I just give up and let them wait 3 years of the mortgage.

Sorry wait 3 years to get their mortgage. I just find it hard to believe they would be so arrogant to think they are in control. It has happened 3 times this week alone...

Text them and say "if you waste my time once more I won't be bothering to arrange anything again to help you, it can take as long as it takes..."

Thanks I am sitting here seething. I just can't go through this anymore. They think they are in control as he pays half the mortgage. He earns double what I do and never sees the children.

Id just talk through solicitors then. He doesn't sound as though he can discuss it fairly anyway..

I wouldn't bother contacting him, let him do the running.
Do what you want to do. Actually fuck that be as awkward as you possibly can.

Do you want to sell the house?

I wouldn't go out of my way to make life easier for them, if they enjoy messing you about.

I would just go through a solicitor. Don't agree to meet up with him again.

for you

It is just phone calls and he can't even do that. The worse thing is their sense of entitlement about everything. Surely you would treat someone with respect if they were trying to make your life easier?

The problem is that he does not want to continue to pay his half of the mortgage so not sure what to do as could not afford it on my own....

I have never been divorced. So can't help there. But I am sure it's not his decision to wether he pays half the mortgage. He has children and responsibilities.

Get a solicitor. If he can't even be arsed making a phone call, you don't need to put yourself out.

He's on the mortgage...he HAS to pay it or he'll never get another.

OP don't even try again. Let them do the running.

Is he trying to rush through a mortgage prior to any csa agreements?

Presumably that would give you more to put towards the existing mortgage but may also reduce his borrowing power (do they take csa into account?). Have you spoken to the lender to see if there's a way to reduce payments either with an extension to the term or a short term payment holiday while you work things out. Is there equity in the house?

Agree that this should be going through sols.

There is enough equity for me to get a smaller place for me and the children but only if divided 60/40. I can only get a small mortgage. He still insists on 50/50. He already has a place to live.

He thinks getting a divorce will make it easier for him to get a mortgage. I am not happy as he won't pay his half of mortgage but will still want 50/50 when house sold. By this time I will only have a few working years left so unlikely to get a mortgage.

So he isn't making any allowances or compromises for you?

Don't make them for him. Go to a solicitor. A court may decide that the house can't be sold until your children are older anyway.

There is no point in engaging with him over this.

Youngest child is 16 so only 2 years there but want to be free of all the pressure from threats to not pay his half of mortgage

Go through a solicitor and the csa.

He is trying to grind you down until you capitulate.

If were to default on mortgage payments it would impair his ability to get another, so he is either using brinkmanship tactics to scare you or he is very stupid.

Agree with everyone else who says do it through your solicitor.

Yes, solicitor. Don't let him pressure you in to anything. You may be entitled to a greater than 50/50 split as he has greater earning power, or you have more childcare responsibilities. Please get legal advice, I would keep a record of when he has backed out of meetings as well to show you are not being obstructive.