To ask how you would handle nursery and potty training without raving like a woman on the edge...

[SexDrugsAndSausageRoll]

DD does not bloody get it, every single day she pooes and sits in it until I smell it. The only time I've caught a wee is first thing if I just sit her until she wets. If she's not too busy having a random meltdown. She retains it I think, even after 15 min on a potty she'll wet 5 min later. Name a strategy, I've tried it. Most of them have just meant I'm a master of getting bodily fluids out of rugs....progress zero. Oh except she loves the routine, sits,wipes, hands etc. Could do it all day, without one wee in the right place, if you let her. 'I did it', yes love....on the floor.

Nursery think if I send her in knickers she will magically train just because she's 'too old'.. I think she'll just piddle all over the place like at home, been trying over a year now. I don't think its great socially, I had an awful incident recently with other kids her age calling her poo bum and laughing running away (luckily she didn't understand as shes speech delayed but her brother cried) so I don't think daily puddles will help and id rather train at home until she's made just a little progress. I want to scream I know how to potty train, done her siblings and as a nursery teacher others. Even when doing her (totally unrelated) care plan meeting recently the nurse turned half of it into 'ooo its expensive you keeping her in nappies...' why KEEPING? I have tried so damn hard.

So as not to drip feed, she's always been a slow developer. I'm at the point of withdrawing her until she's trained so home education at this rate

Not sure I need a solution even, just a rant, I know time will resolve this, but aghhhh fuckssakebollocks. anyone else who' been through this...?

9 year old in enuresis clinic here. Solidarity, sister. And oh goodness the advice. "Just leave them til they're ready. I did and it was SO easy". Yeah thanks, anyone can potty train an easy to train child. Even me. I know 'cause I've done it. But this one, not so much. And I'm sticking with my oh-so-radical theory that it's not my fault or hers.

My ds is 4 and still has issues. He is another with speech delays, although not to the extent of the OP, as he has now caught up. He was 4 before we got him potty trained at all. We managed the wees eventually but are still having trouble with poos.
Also - he has his own way of doing things - he picks the potty up to wee into it - will not sit or stand over it and will not, under any circumstances, use a toilet. We are fortunate in that his pre-school are willing to work with him, not impose their own expectations - he was given his own potty to use which is kept in the bathroom and nobody else uses it. We got through a half dozen different types of potty and seat before we hit on the only one he would use at home. (It is one of the sturdy seat types with handles)

With the poo OHMYGOD. He would still rather do it in his pants, however, I found that he responds brilliantly to blackmail. He now has to do a poo in the potty before he can have any tv. We still have the odd accident, but he loves tv so they are few and far between

Sorry for the essay - this issue has kind of consumed my thinking for the past year and a half! I found this essay very helpful, how useful it will be for you I don't know but I thought I would link to it for you - it might help someone else in future www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

Best of luck

I want to cuddle some of the latest posters. I'm bolshy normally, but it grinds and it's good to hear I'm not the only one at times.

Your posts will get me through 'Parent and Child Therapy' tomorrow with SLT, avoiding their first parent having a meltdown instead of a child...I'll just rock quietly and crack up in silence. ..

Greige Oh god yes the poo! Mine is still in pull ups at night (hence the pride in him a- having one on the toilet & b- trying to wipe his own bum) & most mornings comes down with a poo. He does it after his Dad gets up at 5:45 & before I get up at 6:30/7. With night time I just keep telling myself it won't last forever.

That must be very hard with your professional experience. Rock gently and visualise wine!

DS was a nightmare. Regardless of what I tried, he just flat out refused. Nothing worked. I got so sick of it I just left him in pull ups, I just couldn't face it anymore. He started to follow the lead of others at daycare at about 3 years and 7 months, and I didn't do anything at home (asked him if he wanted to use the toilet, but didn't force it). By Christmas I was over it, and since he would have five days at home over the holidays I went cold turkey with him. He finally figured it out in those days and ended up having his first full dry day on his 4th birthday and has been dry ever since.

I had been so embarrassed by it, but it truly does seem that they will train when they are ready, and the pressure of doing it too early just seems to make them more stubborn and dig their heels in. DS is still in pull ups at night, but I can live with that for now, until he's ready to be dry at night.

The poor little soul - hope she's ok post her fall

I've just potty trained DS who.is just 3. He's been good but nursery were on at me a bit. I just ignored them as I have a 1 year old and a new born so I wasn't doing it until we were both ready.

I hope you can just ignore them and wait - it's not fair and I think they are being massively fucking unreasonable actually.

Is she in a school nursery?

Im suprised the nursery are so un-cooperative. Mine were fab and did most of the work for me, they said becuse they have a fair few at different stages it was easy to use peer pressure. They would simply have a toilet trip every half hour, 5 or 6 kids would troop off and excitedly discuss wees and poos over the stall doors.

Op I feel your pain. All 3 of mine went into nursery in pull ups. Nursery and I probably jointly trained dd1 and she was dry day and night by 31/2. Dd2 was probably only dry daytime in reception but still won't poo in the toilet and she is 9. We just cannot get through to her. Dd3 reminds me of your child op. Not delayed in all areas but definitely speech delayed. No real interest in toilet training but does at least sometimes say when she has done a wee. School nursery have been fab again.

browneyed Sorry, I have to ask this. If your 9 year old won't poo in the toilet, where does she poo? What about at school, and on school trips etc?

Manages to hold it in at school. Just poos evening and in bed at home. It is really frustrating. We and the bowel clinic have tried everything.

I hear you. DS was almost dry at CMs. Didnt always make it to the potty in time, but would communicate if he had an accident. Got to nursery and it all went to pot. We had a year of 2-3 accidents a day. They wanted to put him back in nappies, I said no. It sounded like what was eadiest for them rather than best for him. When he turned 4, he suddenly got it. He gets a sticker for every day that he has no accidents. 4 stickers in a week = new toy car from the supermarket. But that was my initiative not theirs. He also has a bit of a delay, is having speech therapy. We are considering moving him down a group as he was born right at the end of the academic year.

Stick to your guns OP.

It's actually a preschool, no school nursery place for us as we're between two that were both full. I applied to loads. So they are actually fully set up for changing nappies, potties etc as they take just two year olds. they're lovely but a bit know it all cos you know they had kids

They did her two year development recently, at well over three for various reasons, and she was 'emerging' in most areas. A hint she's just not there if most the bloody two year olds pass it (pissed me off they even did it but that's another story)

DD is so so up for it, so eager to please everyone, I don't want to kill that in her by the upset of accidents in public and inevitable frustration.

SO is it a private nursery you're paying for?

Spend your money on a more child friendly one.

No free place, community/ charity preschool, not private. Really not many options. It needs to be somewhere I can do school drop off too, many are too far/ start at the same time. As I said, didn't get a school place, other local preschool clearly didn't want her from how awkward they made it (things like fussing about hearing aid batteries despite them being screwed in) and the private two have such high staff turnovers I do think she's at the best of the bunch.

Op, are you me?

I have a delayed nearly 3 year old. Just been told by the physio that her toddling is due to her height!

She has just in the last few weeks got the hang of wees.

Copying the other boys and girls at nursery helped a lot.

Leave her in pull ups and keep encouraging her to try on the potty.

Not much else you can do!

My dd had muscle stiffness, but now has jelly legs that circle when she runs! Can't climb on beds or chairs I'm constantly told the high tone has gone so she's fine....yes...but....
DD is a midget too, likes the 2nd centile or less at times so does the baby according to my scales who will never be weighed at clinic by her tall mother

Are you still teaching? Can you just tell them to belt up and you'll tackle it again at half term, Easter and the summer if necessary?

Then I would honestly just park it. You sound incredibly frustrated by it all and your DD has got to be picking it up. Maybe limit it to a time of day when you have sufficient time to leave her on the loo for a bit without thinking you need to be somewhere or doing something else. Take the pressure off you both?

My DD is only 3 since just before Christmas and was very slow to train [still WIP] but no other physical issues. Only by completely distracting her on the loo with an ipad did she relax enough to let go and have a wee. Once she understood what it involved it got a little easier but still slow progress and she'll still have an accident if she's busy doing something else. Her sister was in nursery by now [summer baby] and had tons of accidents. School policy was no nappies though so it was on them to some extent. She got there in the end but I never heard of any unpleasantness from other children. That's horrible.

I've got over myself a lot since first posting...was in a rant!

It helped I met a lovely therapist today, who agreed with what I was doing for dd, agreed PACT not for us and generally helped get out the rut of eveyone moaning. DD has some real strengths too, it was nice to discuss them and talk about how far she has come!

Sympathies, it sounds like you know what you're doing and obviously I you know your Lo and she just isn't ready yet, simple as that.

Nurseries really ought to support the approach the parent is taking IMO and be consistent with that, not pressure them to do lame thing they don't think is right.

My DS took months too and was also over 3 when it clicked with no delays that I know of so IMO 3 isn't even that late!

as a further point dd was over three when she trained she went day and night within 6 months i only had her going to nursery in the afternoons and we went to the potty before she refused to use the loo there would hold it till she got home ds (1) was two when he potty trained (himself) it was a week or two of wet clothing then he was dry in the day it was over a year before he got the night time dryness ds (2) is dry at home and wet everywhere else wtf do they want me to do!?