I did some work with a life coach OP, and I found that really helped me.
Perhaps that is something to look at, to go alongside the counselling. Working with a life coach on your self awareness. The course I did was run through DS's school, and covered personal development, health and wellbeing, and self-awareness.
It was funded by Adult, Family and Community Learning, and we had a small group of six or seven people who went along.
We did simple exercises that made us think about who we are as people, what's important to us, what we enjoy, the good and bad bits of ourselves.
For example we were given a stack of magazines and asked to cut out words and pictures that represented us, that appealed to us for one reason or another. We had to stick them onto an silhouette of a person that was meant to represent us.
We were told not to put what we thought we should be, or shouldn't be, or what other people told us we were. Just to put the things we feel were absolutely true or which struck a strong cord with us, and then think about why.
It was a bit odd at first but once we got over feeling a bit daft playing cut and stick, I think all but one person got something really good out of it. The other person couldn't move past the things she thought she should put.
Doing that helped me to realise that I had for a long time been feeling bored, I used to be quite creative, making things and writing things, and for years I hadn't done anything like that.
Where the mouth should have been on my person, I had stuck the word 'think' and where the brain should be I had put words like 'learn' and 'discuss' and 'talk'. When I had to explain that, I said that it's important to me that people think before they speak, and so I always try to use my words carefully, and that I think best when I am learning and discussing ideas with other people.
We also had to complete a person made of jigsaw puzzle pieces, and write a word that described us on each puzzle piece. It could be a good word or a bad one, any word that we had ever used to describe ourselves or which other people had used to describe us.
I had one word that should have been the most obvious one to write on my jigsaw person, but it was a real sticking point and I didn't want to write it. The life coach was really interested in why and as I discussed it I realised it's a word that other people have always used to describe me, and so I grew up thinking it must be true. But when it came right down to using it on myself, I couldn't and didn't want to.
That was a breakthrough in a way, because it was the first time I had ever thought about that description of me and the first time I realised that I didn't have to accept it. It had been defining me and holding me back for years up to that point, and my reluctance to write it down was a very clear sign to me that working on my self-awareness was changing me, and helping to work out who I was rather than who other people said I was.
Because really I had no idea. If you'd asked me to describe myself I would have got stuck after telling you my age, my job, my marital status and the fact that I am a mum.
I think it's hard for people, because unless we make a real effort, when do we ever really think about ourselves or about self-awareness? People just don't do it, and it's difficult.
I wouldn't have done it without the help of the life coach, but being in that group and being guided by those exercises, I really had to think about myself and the way I saw myself and the way other people saw me.
Can you try something like that, or ask the counsellor for more guidance in the exercises at first?
Because of my experiences I am now back at college and training for a career I know I will love, I've been more aware of myself, more understanding with my DH and DS, I'm doing more things that I enjoy, I'm learning more and thinking more, standing up for myself where before I wouldn't have said a word, and generally just feeling a lot better about myself.
It is scary, and it's still not easy for me all the time, but if you can find your way then I think it will be worth it for you. But I do think I needed someone guiding me at first, with those exercises and the others that we did, and the discussions with the group. It's hard to start thinking about who you really are at first, when it's probably the first time you've ever had to do it. But it's worth it. I hope it goes well for you 