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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put this on a children's party invite

64 replies

QuadrupleL · 17/01/2016 20:19

Hi,

I have never been great at writing party invites (which is why we have avoided parties for the last couple of years) however, Middle L has decided to forgo his annual trip to LEGOLAND (I think because we are going to Alton Towers for Little L's birthday) and really wants a party.

We have explored lots of ideas, but he is really keen on hiring out the local pool and having a swimming party.

So, the pool costs £80 to hire regardless of how many people come and then a party meal is £3.95.

I was going to add on the invite: Parents and siblings are more than welcome to join us in the pool (as long as I have an idea of numbers) but party food will only be available for the invited children. If siblings want to join in the meal we would ask for a contribution of £3.95 to cover the cost.

Does this sound okay? I am more than happy to have how ever many people in the pool but I can't really afford to pay for siblings on top of the 15 children he will be inviting.

If it doesn't sound okay, can you help me reword it, or just tell me to leave it off completely!

Thanks

L

OP posts:
MazzleDazzle · 17/01/2016 21:28

Just a thought: do you have to have food? Any pool party I've been to has just been party bags at the end with a carton of juice, crisps, cake & sweets.

scarlets · 17/01/2016 21:31

People will misunderstand, drop off their two kids with additional money for the second, and bugger off shopping or whatever. You'll end up refereeing 30 kids.

Keep it simple. No siblings.

Guitargirl · 17/01/2016 21:33

I also wouldn't be inviting siblings. Your ratios will be very difficult to control. And I am amazed that a pool allows 1 adult for 4 under 8s. I have never been to a pool which allows for more than 1 adult to 2 under 8.

sylviassecrets · 17/01/2016 21:36

I also wouldn't do food and just give out party bags.

thebestfurchinchilla · 17/01/2016 21:39

It sounds ok but personally I wouldn't bother. if a parent asks about coming and bringing siblings then you could just say "yeah that's fine but hope you don't mind that I'm only catering for the birthday 'party' "

mamaduckbone · 17/01/2016 21:40

If you are going to do food rather than just party bags I would put something like...'parents and siblings are welcome to join us in the pool but the meal is just for the invited children' - as others have said you don't want hordes of extra kids to manage afterwards,

HPsauciness · 17/01/2016 21:40

I think when we had a pool party we had to say any unconfident swimmer had to have a parent in the pool.

You can't have several barely or non swimmers supervised by one parent, ok ratio if they can all swim, but not ok if some can't- some may need one to one!

Ready123 · 17/01/2016 21:44

YANBU at all! I think it is a lovely idea and will make it easier for parents with siblings. However I think you do need to be prepared for potential awkwardness of parents not paying. If you can't afford to risk that then I would just invite siblings to the pool but say that the food will only be available for invited children.

grumpysquash2 · 17/01/2016 21:45

Personally I think it is fine to be absolutely clear that the swimming is free of charge but that extra children pay for food.

What I think you need to be clearer on is that siblings are only able to go in the pool as long as an adult goes in with them.

It would be pretty bad if you ended up with a few 4-5-6 year olds in the pool whose parents planned to sit on the side and you had to look after them.

I would also add: if you and other children wish to join us, please let me know before XXth January so I can place the meal order.

Also, you could make an invitation with tick boxes:

Yes, XXX will be attending the party
Yes/No XXX's sibling(s) ages __ will be joining in
I would like to book __extra party teas (no cost for invited guests)
Yes I agree to accompany any additional children in the pool

I'm sure there is a better way, but you get the drift.
Hope you have a nice party :)

grumpysquash2 · 17/01/2016 21:46

X post with lots of people!

RhodaBorrocks · 17/01/2016 21:47

I've personally found it always goes down well to invite siblings to join in if it's not a limited numbers deal. We've always made extra food, spare party bags and laid on tea, coffee and snacks for the grown ups who want to stay.

I think a slight rewording would help - "Parents and siblings are welcome to join us in the pool. Any siblings under 8 must be supervised by an adult."

I'd leave off the part about food if it's a booked meal. If anyone asks, you can say they're welcome to buy food and join the table. I'd also not tell them the ratios for pool supervision - just a blanket statement that under 8s need to be supervised. Again if anyone is bringing more than 1 under 8 and queries it, then you can let them know if their numbers are ok or not.

PriorityCatchmentHell · 17/01/2016 21:53

I would go for:

"You are welcome to accompany your kids in the pool (siblings can also swim if you are going in).

The cafe is open afterwards if you /siblings want to grab something to eat."

Original poster
QuadrupleL · 17/01/2016 21:58

I did consider not having food, but that's quite a short party. There is some (quite large but unfenced) grass which is plenty big enough for a picnic but if it rains its no good and if it is unfenced, I wouldn't be comfortable with my own children (youngest anyway) playing there!

I think there are lots of great suggestions. I am going to let people know siblings can come, but I think using a combination of Rhoda's addition, grumpysquash's check list and (I can't remember the other poster) wording for the rest of it.

Thanks folks, that's been very helpful!

OP posts:
bodenbiscuit · 17/01/2016 22:02

No, just leave it off. It isn't usual to invite siblings. I've had very rude people just turn up and say can little sister 'join in' you won't be able to keep her away anyway.

I think that if people are going to have childcare issues, the polite thing is to ask if sibling can come along, not Spring it on you.

futureme · 17/01/2016 22:03

be careful you may then have a ton of siblings that will mess up your adult/child ratio!

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2016 22:04

The first bit is fine but I would not say for other kids to come because
a) They won't necessarily be your child's friends
b) they are unlikely to be your child's age, who will supervise younger kids, what if they cannot swim well etc etc
c) you don't need to do it and it is likely to detract from your kids party for them and you

I always put a reply by date.

please just check with the pool how many people you can have, how many adults will be expected to be in the pool with them, if any. We did a pool party for dd's 8th birthday and we did not get the pool to ourselves, we got an area of the pool, a party 'host' who was meant to do some fun and games (and did when prompted!) and a tea for the kids in a separate party area.

I had to be in the pool with the kids which meant helping them get ready (if necessary - or at least just making sure no one slipped over or forgot to go to the loo) and then get in join in, get out and get changed quickly!

I had a friend there (a mum0 who kindly help with a few bits like setting out some nibbles).

The bets bit (one of the hightlights of any party ever!) was the end when they put dd on a large flat float and all the kids circled round her and sang 'Happy Birthday'. Lovely

PennyHasNoSurname · 17/01/2016 22:06

I would just put "Dear X please join us for blah blah. If your accompanying adult wants to swim too they are more than welcome!"

And leave off about siblings. I would only ever bring a sibling if they were invited

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2016 22:11

By The first bit is fine... I mean having a pool party is a great idea and I can understand the swapping a party for an activity.

ShhhBeQuiet · 17/01/2016 22:32

Quad
I think your plan of using a combination of Grumpies and Rhonda posts is spot on. I love the check list idea. It's very clear and not the least bit rude. Don't be shy about asking for money for the siblings food it is a perfectly polite thing to do. The main thing is that the arrangements are very clear.

Presumably there will be a staff member manning the entrance, perhaps they could have a list of the guests and could collect the money for the extra teas for the siblings.

Greengardenpixie · 17/01/2016 22:35

Can they all swim? I have to say i would be very uneasy letting my children go to a party to swim without me as they arent good at it!

WitchWay · 17/01/2016 22:49

You must insist any extra children have an adult in the pool supervising them otherwise the mummies who refuse to get their hair & make up wet will stay in the cafe

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2016 22:50

Re - if you say something like... Any siblings under 8 must be supervised by an adult. Please also add that over 8s who can;t swim must be supervised, if this is the pool's rule/safe and sensible.

I've always had people who ask if siblings can come and I've always said yes, but I don't put it on the invite because the party is not for them (except when my dd or my ds is friends with them all, which also happens.)

Re I did consider not having food, but that's quite a short party. There is some (quite large but unfenced) grass which is plenty big enough for a picnic but if it rains its no good and if it is unfenced, I wouldn't be comfortable with my own children (youngest anyway) playing there! Are you in the UK? Is the party soon? It bloomin' freezing round our way! Unfenced sounds a bad idea.

When we had a pool party there was no one supervising who came into our party area but we had to order the 'lunch box' meals in advance so we paid for what we had and they brought it to us.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 17/01/2016 22:51

Pool parties are different to normal parties, as the party tens to be further away so bot worth the parents leaving and coming back, so siblings get bought along and waNt to get in.
I like the suggestion about "i am only providing food for the 15 but the cafe will be open"

Tweetypie100 · 17/01/2016 23:06

Who actually asks if siblings can come?! Jeez!!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/01/2016 23:10

The thing is to be clear and specific and make sure you know what to expect.
So do the basic party invitation for the main invitee.
Add:
We have the whole pool and would be happy to welcome one adult and an additional child to the pool part of the party. They will not be catered for but can be included at the party rate of £3.95.
Please RSVP with numbers for pool and additional meals

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