to ask for time off to attend this funeral

[DianaBlythe]

DH's grandfather sadly passed away.

I did care for this man (as in care about, I wasn't involved in providing physical care). It's difficult for DH as in his recent years his grandfather wasn't actually very nice to him, in part because of his dementia. DH's family situation is a slightly complicated blended one.

I think I'd be OK if I didn't go. DH is going. He has said it's up to me whether I come or not. I think he would like me to be there and my main reason to go would be to support him. I think he would be OK if I didn't go. His other family will be there. I don't think any of the family would be upset either way.

The funeral falls immediately after a 48h strike of most junior staff so it's perhaps not an ideal time for me to ask for time off. I don't think the place will literally fall apart without me though and I'm not on-call.

I'm not someone who has had much time off. I attended an aunt's funeral a few years ago. I asked for time off for my grandfathers funeral but actually ended up not needing to take it. I'm never sick.

The funeral is 3 hours away so I'd need the whole day off.

AIBU? Should I ask for the time?

Definitely. In my workplace no one would bat an eyelid, both in your own right and to support your DH.

I'm so sorry about you losing him, and th difficult circumstances surrounding it for you and your DH.

YANBU to ask. What harm is there in that?

Of course you should ask for the time off. And it would be hugely wrong if you weren't granted it.

YANBU.

This is the only chance to attend this funeral that you're going to get. If you feel that your DH needs your support, then ask to go.

Even with the unfortunate timing, I would guess that if your managers and colleagues can deal with things without you, they'll try to make it possible for you to attend the funeral. If they really think that they won't be able to manage without you, then they'll say no. But even if it turns out they won't let you have the time off, there's no harm in asking.

Ask, you may well be a great support to your DH.

Of course you can ask. Get the request in now. Good luck for being able to (there was recently a deleted thread of NHS staff explaining to a dumbfounded relative just how hard it could be). And you're clearly NHS. If you're a "junior" doctor, rope in your consultant as well as whoever runs the rota. If you're a senior doctor, as long as you're not on call or got a clinic, then chat with your colleagues and I bet they'll say go, but the CD will probably need to sign it off given timing. And make sure you're seen pulling your weight to cover the juniors. Presume not a nurse as you mention on call (rather than off duty)... If allied HCP, well it's the consultants' job to keep the plates spinning, and the patients safe, not yours. But get the request in before someone puts you on for an extra catch up clinic/list etc. The timing isn't ideal, but try.

And seriously, if you were one of my #junior doctors, I'd want to know, to help find a way to try to find a way to safely let you go.

Yanbu, you should definitely ask. There's no harm. And I'm sure your Dh will be need your support. Sorry about the loss op.

Yes definitely ask. Having been to far too many funerals this last year, I can tell you that you think you will be OK and cope and then the actual occasion and being there and (sorry to be blunt) seeing the coffin etc. will fell you emotionally.
I was very glad of all the support I had. And actually the ones where the relationship was a little complicated can be emotionally much harder.

Be there for your DH if you can.

And if you are an NHS worker/Junior doctor or similar - bless you and thank you for your work. x

Thank you for the fabulous support everybody. I sort of thought that would be the prevailing feeling and of course it's what I'd do for any colleague but you know when your sense of what's OK can get a bit warped and you just need to hear it from someone else!

I'd definitely ask for the time off if for no other reason than to support your dh. Even though he thinks he'll be okay once he's at the funeral it will likely hit like a tonne of bricks, I know it did for me when my nan died.

When my nan died my dh took time off work to help me look after our dcs and get practical things sorted, if he hadn't been with me at the funeral I wouldn't have got through it without falling apart completely.