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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be rude to rude people?

44 replies

Cnmorgan13 · 15/01/2016 18:38

Currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first child. I keep getting told about the unsolicited "advice" I will be getting once baby is here. Specifically strangers. AIBU to think if someone you don't know makes a comment/states opinion about said baby am I well within my rights to give my opinion right back. I'm not taking about swearing or going mental but maybe the odd comment that goes straight for the jugular (that I'll probably think of 2 hours after the event lol)

OP posts:

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/01/2016 19:21

I hate the unsolicited comments I get (including how they know someone with my DD's prospective name and she's a drug addict), but for the sake of an easy life I smile, nod, and think "you prat". Like my DH and I are ill-formed teens who accidentally got pregnant.

We get the gist, we know a baby is hard work, no, you can't bank sleep so it doesn't matter how much I get now, yes, I know we'll be busy, no, I'm not taking my current freedom for granted, I don't need your self-important advice about how I'm giving up if I don't breastfeed, and my DD isn't a drug addict, so stfu.

MoggyP · 15/01/2016 19:36

Smile and nod.

This isn't going to stop once the baby's here (indeed the opportunities will probably multiply). And before you know it, the baby will have taken over the role.

The more you can let wash over you the better.

Moln · 15/01/2016 19:38

Telling me stuff like up you will have to make sure you leave them at the bottom of the garden or you'll spoil them. Give them sugar to make them sleep. You know the stuff that annoys most people (when they aren't posting on here trying to put others down or critises in anyway possible)

Moln · 15/01/2016 19:39

^
To JuxtapositionRecords

BeaufortBelle · 15/01/2016 19:40

Moln

Pollyputhtekettleon · 15/01/2016 19:49

Having a baby us probably the biggest and most exciting thing that happens to people. Seeing you reminds them of that and all the big thoughts and realisations and experiences they had when they were pregnant and had small children. So they approach you and chat and comment and give advice. Be kind and realise it's about them and they mean no harm.

Nanny0gg · 15/01/2016 20:18

And on the other hand, you get the new mums who say 'Why did nobody tell me what it's like??'

If you can't cope with idle chat with strangers who are just interested in your baby then I suggest you either stay indoors or cultivate a Death Stare so that no-one dares approach you.

And then you'll hate it because no-one is admiring your pfb.

JuxtapositionRecords · 15/01/2016 21:06

moln your post makes no sense to me .. you're implying I don't get annoyed as I'm too busy on here? And where did I criticise? Anyway clearly you are a little urmm...touchy about this, you must have been really unlucky to have random strangers say all those things to you. Most people I meet just want a smile or give a little compliment on the baby.

I just think it's a weird thread to sit and think of insults to comments that haven't even happened yet!

Original poster

Cnmorgan13 · 15/01/2016 21:09

I think I'll stay indoor AND get a good death stare going. Sounds like my idea of introverted heaven! how's this one? Even the postman won't dare cross me lol

OP posts:

GabiSolis · 15/01/2016 21:14

OP, advice from strangers does not equal rudeness, even if it's unsolicited and unwanted. It's best to try not to head into parenthood with the intent to be rude to people who mostly are just well meaning. If you don't want to follow their advice, just smile and say thank you and forget about it.

Jelliebabe1 · 15/01/2016 21:19

Don't see it as unwanted advice. See it as a tool in a tool kit. You may not want or ever need it but ONE day you may find it useful. Very easy to scoff before baby is here but you never know!

Moln · 15/01/2016 21:24

if it makes you happy Juxta you think that. Makes no difference to me if you can't grasp what I was implying. Weird you can't.

Anyway Cnmorgan13 I wouldn't worry too much, it doesn't happy that much. There is always going to be busybodies and those need to bolster themselves by patronising you about anything. Sometimes when your a new mum you will hear it when your feeling vunrable or overwhelmed. Just find them amusing or simply sorry they feel the need to advise strangers.

You'll also get a lot of people talking to you, helping you and giving useful advice. Though possibly not the postman now...

Moln · 15/01/2016 21:26

Happy that much = happen that much.

Great autocorrect on a typo!!

JuxtapositionRecords · 15/01/2016 21:58

Nope, re-read your other comment and still no idea what you were on about, so I will just do the passive aggressive grin face back at you and leave it at that!

Leelu6 · 15/01/2016 23:01

Alice

So people are giving you unsolicited advice about people giving you unsolicited advice?

Haha!

YABU, OP, it's rather strange that you're almost relishing the thought of zinging these imaginary wellwishers busybodies.

Sandbrook · 15/01/2016 23:01

I loved the unwanted comments but only if I was pain free that day.

My favourite was in work one day. I was about 30 weeks and 2 women I met in the bathroom had a full on conversation about how I was definitely carrying a girl. They could both tell by the was the bump was sitting. Even went on to say in all the 53 years she had never been wrong.
Never made it to 54 as I had a scan pic with me that showed a lovely scrotum.
I miss that work colleague

Pedestriana · 15/01/2016 23:18

I did mostly smile and ignore but occasionally would snipe. I remember DD being a few months old. I'd gone to some sort of indoor craft fair thing. A woman standing near to me started making smalltalk which got on my nerves with its inanity.
"Oh what a sweet baby. Is it a boy?"
Me: "A girl."
Lady "Oh I wasn't sure because you've dressed it in blue, but with pink patterns"
Me: "I'm hoping she'll be gay"

I used to go out to local cafes, etc., and dressed DD in babygrows for convenience. We had lots in bright colours, as well as with dinosaur prints, floral prints, stripes and tie dye. This used to confuse people as it didn't conform with 'normal' expectations.

Person in cafe "I've seen you in here with your baby lots of times. Is it a boy or a girl?"
Me: "Oh hello. Yes we like it here."
Person: "Is it a boy or a girl? I can't tell from how it's dressed."
Me: "I don't know, I haven't looked."

BackforGood · 15/01/2016 23:24

Yes, of course YABU.
There's rarely a good reason to be rude to anyone, but there's certainly no reason to be rude to people who are just chatting or making small talk.
What a sad world you must live in.

StellaAlpina · 15/01/2016 23:27

I've had a fairly tricky pregnancy and every time I go to see PIL I dread FIL is going to start asking overly personal questions about my uterus or similar (He's a nurse!) Tbf he hasn't yet.

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