Can any of you lovely ladies give me a perspective on this and tell me AIBU? Sorry if this is long, I would really value some outside opinions on this..
The background to this is that my DP and I moved to a semi rural area over 10 years ago in a different part of the country to where our friends and family were . We came because of work, we both have jobs in a city nearby in our respective professional areas. Fast forward to present and we are still living here together with our 2 DDs. One still at primary school and eldest now at secondary. Due to working full time we used a childminder a lot for school pick ups, etc. As a result, never really got to know many of the other mums very well, mainly because I am hardly ever at the school, thought I do know one or two to say hello to type of thing and always do smile and say hello if possible. Around here a lot of the mums are locals who have gone to school together, grown up together, have big extended family networks that sort of thing, so I do quite often feel like a fish out of water however do the best I can within the situation. Anyway, my eldest daughter is doing really well at high school, has a big group of friends now however when she was at primary often wasn't asked to things, due in no small part to the mummy mafia - there was at one point a girl my eldest DD wanted to be friends with and the mum said that her daughter was not allowed to be friends with my eldest DD because she wasn't on the "list" approved children for her daughter to play with, unbelievable I know but I let it go as my eldest had lots of other friends and I never confronted that mum (I didn't even know her TBH)
The situation that we have now is with my youngest DD who is still at primary school. Youngest is very different to eldest, quiet and shy and has Tourette Syndrome which is quite mild but means that she does have tics in school which can upset and embarrass her. School are on board with the Tourettes and have been great and DD does have a couple of friends that she sees outside school, however the girl that she describes as her "best friend" for many years, she has never been able to see outside of school because her mum won't allow it. I have asked the other girl to tea/play after school and this has always been declined and never any invite back. Then today my DD said that she was sad that she could never see her friend outside of school and that her friend has told her that the reason for this was because her mother had said that my DD was a "bad friend". This has made me totally furious for my poor DD who is a lovely, well behaved girl who happens to have a condition that she can't control. The other mother does not even know my daughter or our family, I had made the invites to tea etc through sending notes passed on through school. I do know that the other mum is one of the "local gang of mums" type though, she is close friends with one of my neighbours.
So should I confront the other parent and say something or just leave it? Will it make things worse if I do? I am a very peace loving person by nature but will say something if necessary, or will it just make things worse?...