to take the grandparent rights off my biological dad.

[xsmilkyx]

Hi mum /mums to be.

This is my first time on here.
Let me explain my situation in a little more detail.
First of all there is me an older sister and an older brother. My dad left when I was just 12 weeks old. We had nothing to do with him for years. In fact my uncle became my father figure. I couldn't not have asked for a better support network growing up. Sadly he passed 8 years ago.
My sister 8 years older than me got in touch with her dad and started a relationship. She has pushed him back into the family. I stated very clearly from the beginning. That my uncle was my dad and just because he had died I would not replace the father figure in my life with my biological dad who walked out all those years ago. So now we all have boundaries . We get on. And I am very civil with him. To me he is just my sisters dad John.

Now I am a ftm at 20 weeks. I know what to expect once this baby arrives. He or my sister will expect him to become granddad like he is to her 5 kids.

But I don't want that. I want my child to grow up knowing my uncle and how much of a dad he was. Am I being unreasonable pushing my own grudges on to my child leaving him/her without a living granddad on my side. Or am I within rights to strip him from all grandparents right. He wasn'tla father to Me so he has nothing to do with my child surly. Is that unfair for my child ? To be signed out from the other kids in the family

Thanks in advance

My step-dad was an absolute arse. Violent, alcoholic. All my sisters kids call him 'granddad'. My DC knows him but doesn't spend time with him, call him granddad etc.

As far as DC is concerned 'granddad' Is my granddad (DC's great Granddad)

So no, you don't have to make your child call him Granddad. Its your choice and as far as I'm concerned the fact he walked out at 12 weeks and did nothing for you means he forfeited any parental or grandparent rights. He doesn't have a right to the nicer bits of having kids when failing the harder parts.

I think my dds were 8/9 before I mentioned that my stepdad was my stepdad

He lost the right to be called grandad when he decided he didn't want to be dad. Personally, I could never forgive him for that. Your dear uncle spent his life being a good father figure to you and now your birth father is back, your expected to play happy families. Fuck that. Good luck OP.

I'm with StayWithMe here. Your Dad lost the right to be a Grandparent IMO when he walked past you at the school gate. Having your own baby will only highlight how unthinkable such an act is when you experience for yourself how very precious your own child is, even at just 12 weeks old, as you were when he left you.

Don't worry about anyone else; your sister has a different experience of her childhood to you and she shouldn't expect you to deal with it the same as she does. Explain your feelings to her as you have here and if she doesn't like it, that's her loss.

Well done to you for staying civil to him. That shows what a reasonable person you are, so trust your own instincts. You may find you can allow him into your child's life in the future in some capacity, but he will never be Granddad in the true sense. Congratulations on your baby.

YANBU.

DH's Dad is similar. Totally shit and left when he was little. Never sent money, never supported him as a teen or an adult, but wants to meet the grandkids for a Kodak moment. His sister tells us what a great Dad he has been (WTF?). She and her useless brother can both fuck off.

He hasn't earned the moral right to enjoy his grandchildren. You can't be a shit Dad and then expect to bounce a grandchild on your knee.