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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at being woken at 630am by dps ex ringing (non urgent)

65 replies

Mrskeats · 12/01/2016 18:57

I'm tired and grumpy so may be being unreasonable.
We were both jerked awake at 630am this morning by dps ex ringing to discuss an non urgent problem with their daughter.
We both thought there was something really wrong and then couldn't get back to sleep. She has form for this having once rung at 530am
Dp has big work day and client dinner so now worried he's driving when tired and weather is shocking
Aibu?

OP posts:
ValiantMouse · 12/01/2016 19:56

I'm not getting up at that time normally and would be furious to be woken. (I work late evenings and finish at about 2am most days!)

twirlypoo · 12/01/2016 20:03

DS rang my ex at 7.15 today and woke him up (he is 3.5 so I had to dial for him) he had been asking since 5.30 and wouldn't be distracted, plus by that time I had been up so long I sort of forgot that it wasn't an okay time if you see what I mean. Luckily we get on well and he has said he doesn't care what time it is he will take a call if DS wants to talk to him. whoops!

Want2bSupermum · 12/01/2016 20:06

So how non-urgent was the problem? It is hard to say YABU/YANBU because what can appear as non-urgent can actually be urgent and vis-versa.

As a parent with 2DC I am up at 5:30am. I would LOVE a lie-in until 6:30am! I am often up 2-3 times in the night dealing with the DC and guess what I make do in a demanding job by anyone's standards. It might be the ex is at the end of her tether. If that is the case have you thought about suggesting to your OH that he mans up and parents his child rather than letting the mother of his child continue to struggle.

Cloppysow · 12/01/2016 20:18

6.30 is too early to be calling anyone

But

The boundaries aren't yours to set. They're his.

RealHuman · 12/01/2016 20:18

OP is not normally up at 6.30 and presumably her DP's ex knows that. Frankly it's irrelevant if you personally get up at 5.30. If I got up every day at 3am and went to bed at 7pm, would you be happy if I rang you at 4.30am, just because I could just as easily say "Aren't you the lucky one? I'd love to have a lie-in until 5.30"?

BitOutOfPractice · 12/01/2016 20:19

Ah I see this has turned into a competitive I'm-up-earlier-than-you thread Confused

6:30 is far far far too early to call unless it's an emergency

Backingvocals · 12/01/2016 20:21

was going to say the same thing bitoutofpractice.

Of course it's not a reasonable time to call. And it's perfectly reasonable to be still asleep at 6.30. I would be - although I am very busy and important and get by on 40 minutes sleep most nights and never complain about it Hmm

YakTriangle · 12/01/2016 20:21

How would she react if he rang her at 6.30am to tell her something unimportant? If she would find it absolutely normal, maybe she has a different view about what constitutes 'too early' to most people. If she would be fairly annoyed by it, she knows she's in the wrong and is doing it to be deliberately irritating.

LovelyFriend · 12/01/2016 20:24

6.30 isn't the "normal" wake up time for households Confused. I would NEVER call someone at that time unless it was pre arranged or an emergency

We get up 7.30 here. More like 7.45 in the winter.

She called too early - hope you or your DP told her so.

LovelyFriend · 12/01/2016 20:27

GrinShockHmm at the idea people think we should be turning our landlines and mobiles off if we don't want to be called at certain unsocial hours.

Good grief!

blackheartsgirl · 12/01/2016 20:29

How ridiculous to assume that most people get up at 6.30 am, many people do shift work you know Hmm I'd be absolutely livid if dp ex rang at that time of the morning g bar emergencies as he is often in at five am, I also sleep extremely poorly due to health issues so 6.30 would be very very early for me

Itisbetternow · 12/01/2016 20:31

We don't know enough to comment. Perhaps ex is pissed off because she does majority of child care and doesn't get to sleep beyond 6:30am. Perhaps dad needs to pull his weight more - we don't know the facts.

Cococo1 · 12/01/2016 20:32

God, I'd be incandescent if anyone rang at 6.30

Fairiesarereal · 12/01/2016 20:38

It might be the ex is at the end of her tether. If that is the case have you thought about suggesting to your OH that he mans up and parents his child rather than letting the mother of his child continue to struggle

Bit strong as we don't know that this is the case Hmm

Melonaire · 12/01/2016 21:03

You don't call people before 9:30am unless you need to give them information they'll need before that time.

Shenanagins · 12/01/2016 21:14

Yanbu, its far too early to call for a non urgent issue. I'm up at that time every day and if someone did that to me it would be made very clear to never do it again.

Want2bSupermum · 12/01/2016 21:15

Fair which is the very first point on my post. The OP isn't the parent so what she thinks of as non-urgent could actually be urgent. If the exP is struggling with her DP's child then suggesting the DP man up and parent isn't a bit strong at all. It is the right thing to do as a parent. I am not a lone parent but my father was. At times it was incredibly lonely and challenging for him. He had the 3 of us on his own plus ran his own business. I don't think the man slept more than 3 hours a night for 2 decades.

nextusername · 12/01/2016 21:24

YANBU. It's far too early for something non-urgent. Just because a lot of people are up at 6.30 doesn't mean it's OK to ring them then. Let them get up, have breakfast and get ready for work in peace!

tibbawyrots · 12/01/2016 21:25

Any phone call before 9am or after 9pm has to be urgent in my book. I make chatty calls after 3pm if I know they don't work/school run etc and business calls at around 9am. Calls after 9pm are urgent/emergency.

Ex-mil loved to phone at 3am for a chat. Soon changed that game... 😄

Teaandcakeat8 · 12/01/2016 21:29

What's the real issue here? Are you annoyed because she called early and woke you up? Or are you annoyed that she doesn't seem to respect boundaries?

If it's the former I think yanbu, 6.30 am is pretty early for a non urgent phone call. If it's the boundaries then you should discuss it with your Dp.

Hissy · 12/01/2016 21:34

Flight mode.

If there was a real emergency, the correct people would contact you/him.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/01/2016 21:37

I'm not surprised the phone ringing at that time sets off your dps anxiety. Is she on glue ringing at that time, I mean if it was urgent that would be very different of course.

YNBU

IguanaTail · 12/01/2016 21:43

If you have an iPhone go to settings-do not disturb and put in the times you don't want to hear from anyone. I put 11pm-7am. It also allows you to choose people you don't mind hearing from within that time. And it gives you a setting that if they ring twice within 3 minutes the second time it will sound. (But you can put this off).

Eminado · 12/01/2016 21:44

wanttobesupermum you are SERIOUSLY projecting!!!

"nks of as non-urgent could actually be urgent. If the exP is struggling with her DP's child then suggesting the DP man up and parent isn't a bit strong at all. It is the right thing to do as a parent. "

Right and he is going to be able to do what over the phone at 6.30am?

starry0ne · 12/01/2016 21:44

What time does DP go out to work? Because if he is usually up and about at this time..Mum might want and answer before she can't get him all day..

I imagine for those who say turn phone off I assume if there was an emergency he would want to know..

This is his issue to deal with his ex and tell her what time is reasonable.