nanny doing personal chores with toddler

[FarterChristmoose]

Is it acceptable for a nanny to take toddler with her on personal chores such as nannys doctors and dentist appointments, food shopping etc rather than doing these on nannys day off? She gets one weekday off Plus weekends. She takes toddler for daily walks, play groups etc.

[Sunnyshores]

I think ocassionally would be fine - but it sounds as if youre friend wants to do nothing on her 3 days off, so essentially ALL her chores need to be done on paid time, and thats not on.

The other thing is what her employment contract says she should be doing? Some people like to call their childminder a 'nanny', but employment contracts and roles are quite different.

[minipie]

7am to 8pm is long hours, assuming she has a commute as well. I suspect that's the real problem here and why she is so tired.

Our nanny does 8am to 7pm 4 days a week and wouldn't dream of doing her personal stuff during that time, except in case of dire need and with my permission (which I would give).

I would be very unimpressed with a nanny who intended to do her personal errands most days and trail my DC with her. Yes a bit of exposure to normal daily tasks is healthy, but there is plenty of that already because nannies generally have (child related) jobs to do for their employers! That's one of the benefits of having a nanny - they will do the children's laundry, pop to the shops for extra milk, go to post office to return children's clothes ordeed online, etc.

[GasLIghtShining]

I work four days a week. Any errands and appointments are run/made on my day off.

[BoboChic]

Nannies should definitely not run personal errands while they are at work unless they have first checked with the parents that this is OK.

Taking a toddler to a medical appointment might, however, be a good solution if the nanny cannot get an appointment at the weekend or on a day off. Only with the parents' permission/blessing, however.

[RiverTam]

Stratters what's that got to do with this?

[OVienna]

ToElleWithIt - 100% agree. Nannies don't get a lunch break and a bit of this - exactly what you described- would absolutely not bother me.

I think there are a lot of people posting on here who have never been nanny employers or nannies themselves and aren't clear about what the expectations are generally. What was described in the OP sounds a bit like it's on the road to what a childminder, who is self-employed, would be able to do. They state their terms at the start of the contract and parents can then like it or lump it. Their rates are a fraction (maybe 50%) of what a nanny employer, who is hiring the person to work to their specifications under their contract, would pay. A nanny job is like any other job in that regard and no more scope for structuring your day around your personal errands than any other job would have.

That said - there are no lunch breaks and reasonable employers realise that stuff comes up people have to attend to.

OP if your friend is worried about it enough that she feels her employer would mind, I suspect she knows it's crossed a line (i.e. long trips to a hypermarket as opposed to picking up a few items for tea that night.)

[Artandco]

I agree there's reasonable and not

So something like a quick detour to the bank or post office is fine. Many places aren't open at the weekend or limited so this is helpful

Same with doctors/ dentist. A blood test or similar you can't schedule on a different day is fine. Otherwise need to try and get a Saturday or the other day appointment or book time off.

Food shopping/ picking up bits is fine on way to or from somewhere. A 15 min detour around a shop to buy something is fine or grab some bread/ milk etc. But loading up trolley for weeks shop is ott. That can be done online easily now and delivered one evening or weekend.

It's all about balance. A nannies charge should see them doing daily life of odd bits, but doesn't need to be instead of something more focuses on child. No doubt they will be going to shops/ doctors for stuff for child anyway so it's not like they would grow up in a bubble of not doing that

[FarterChristmoose]

I am amazed how many people have responded. I admit I haven't read everything. I wasn't expecting to have to give out any more details than te original message so please don't shout at me for drip feeding.

My friend is in her 40's with 3 children shes 12, 13 and 15, eldest is autistic. She gets up at 5am, gets home at 8.45PM, shes lucky if she gets to bed before 11.30. So yes, she is exhausted.

The ins and outs of my friends life aren't necessary to answer the basic question I asked though.

[FarterChristmoose]

Oh, doctors once a month. Dentist 6 monthly.

[apricotdanish]

No wonder she's exhausted. Those ARE long hours, especially with having to travel to and from work and then go home and sort things out for her own family. I know her personal life is not the employer's problem but the fact remains she has a lot going on. I do understand that the doctors appointments will be inappropriate for health reasons but as others have said, given that she doesn't get a lunch break, I don't see why the employer should have a problem with the odd errand here and there, that sounds unreasonable to me. Also don't get people who don't understand why she's exhausted, looking after little ones is hard work. This is not her child, it's a job like any other she's not playing all day!

[Orda1]

I'd be exhausted.

She works more hours than me and I work full time!

Also "charge" WTF.

[lostinmiddlemarch]

I would expect permission to be asked for personal errands and would agree sometimes. Going around in the real world is normal for a child, but if you're paying a nanny you don't expect the child to be hanging around more than occasionally. Personal errands should be done out of works hours if at all possible, as in any job.

[kali110]

Amazed by all the people who can get a doctors appointment on a certain day.
I rarely have a choice.
I don't think its unreasonable for her to be exhausted, what days does she have off?
If she has sat/sun and a day in the week off then it must be very hard for her to fit appointments around her one weekday off.

[RattieOfCatan]

orda it's what we call the children in our care

I only work part time and I still do occasional errands when at work, usually it's just because it makes life easier, I'm glad that my boss doesn't mind!

[Artandco]

Orda - 'charge' is what a nanny would refer to as the child in her care. Not to their face obviously but to doctors/ teachers

[Heiderose]

I work 5 days a week, everything opens & shuts before I finish work (except doctors so I can normally do that after work) if I didn't do things during working hours then i'd have to take days off.
Much easier for my boss & me just to take kids with me.
Particular favourites are the dentist & car garage, 3 yr old asks to go even when the car doesn't need to, he enjoys it so much.
Vets used to be another favourite trip but sadly no longer need to go there.
In 12 years I've never had a parent object when I've asked to do something. But then again I suppose it's give & take. I'm also happy to drop off parcels or forms or random presents, pick up dry cleaning, sort out car rentals, & other random things I've been asked that aren't in my job description or always in work time.

[lifesalongsong]

I think your friend's circumstances actually key to this. Without knowing her circumstances we might assume that she's a young person with no children or other responsibilities and in that case it would be unreasonable for her not to do the errands etc in her 3 days off.

The additional information you've given changes matters in that maybe it's not so easy for her to fit stuff into those days.

I'd agree with most, small errands OK, major dental surgery not.

[var123]

Hang on a minute... who are the medical appointments for? The nanny or her own children?

Grocery shopping online might help her manage her free time better. Its a pain to set up the first time, but once you've saved all your favourites, its a lot quicker to just put in quantities and send the duplicate order.


That is a long day though. Does your friend have quite a lot of travelling time too?

The big things that would help her negotiate a better deal for herself will be in her charge is really attached to her and the parents trust her. That's worth a lot to the parents and they may well be willing to be a little flexible just to make sure they keep a good nanny.

[BoffinMum]

I think your friend has a lot on her plate and she possibly needs to think through her own practicalities a bit to make life easier for herself, other than working long hours and trying to get things done while working.

I am not sure I could raise three teenagers and work 52 hours a week as a nanny. It would kill me and I am a trained teacher who used to be a nursery nurse.

[kali110]

It still makes a difference if she has no children or other responsibilities what days off she has.
My docs app are only 9-530 so on work days not a chance.I could/can rarely book an app for a day i want, can only get one when they have ones free.
My dentist i can only book on certain days as that's when they work.

[amarmai]

The mind set is what wd make the diff for me. You can be paying way more for a nanny who is supposed to be focussed on your c/cc or you can pay a lot less for a childminder who has her own business and does not have to ask your permission to do whatever. I hope you have hired the kind of person who will make decisions for the good of their 'charges' because then they will not take advantage , such as nanny parties in your home , where your clothes are worn and damaged and the 'charges 'of 1/2 a dozen nannies are left in a room under the 'supervision' of the lowest nanny on the totem pole. Do you know what happens in your home and to your cc when you are not there?

[OvertiredandConfused]

Will admit I didn't have time to read the whole thread, sorry.

We had nannies when DC were small. My rule was that they could do some personal stuff with them as long as all the nanny duties were covered properly, DC did their regular activities and the feeding, sleeping routine wasn't adversely impacted.

Given I wanted a nanny to give my DC an experience at home similar to the one they'd have if I was there, it made sense to be comfortable with some shopping, coffee with friends two or three times a month etc

Assuming she has a good relationship with her employers and can see some time that she could use, why not ask?

[Stratter5]

Nothing at all Tam, apart from highlighting the faint ridiculousness of exhaustion from a 4 day week of utter normality to every SAHP.

[Stratter5]

Or indeed, junior doctors, who.will be expected to work two hours more, although I guess a lot of their charges do nap.