nanny doing personal chores with toddler

[FarterChristmoose]

Is it acceptable for a nanny to take toddler with her on personal chores such as nannys doctors and dentist appointments, food shopping etc rather than doing these on nannys day off? She gets one weekday off Plus weekends. She takes toddler for daily walks, play groups etc.

[BoffinMum]

If my nanny needs an urgent doctor's or dentist's appointment that can't wait, I am happy for her to do it with kids in tow if necessary, and I don't mind her picking up one or two things for herself while out doing jobs for us. Similarly if her washing machine has a problem I am fine with her borrowing ours to put a load on while she gets hers fixed, that kind of thing. But routinely trailing my children around while she lives her normal life is not the deal (I can't imagine a situation where she would think this was OK either, tbh, as she is very hands on).

When I was last f/t nanny-hunting there was one candidate (with her own child, incidentally) who made it clear my children would be with her pretty much under sufferance while she did this sort of thing, and also demanded that I change my entire work schedule to suit her preferred pattern of working. She also asked for £10+ an hour net for the privilege of hiring her and went on and on about how in demand she was. I showed her the door. I don't think anyone else hired her either. I think one set of parents had given in to all this kind of thing but then let her go, but she thought it was standard terms and conditions.

You do wonder about where people get the idea from that basically you get £26,000+ a year for having the usual home life with someone else's child following you around, and that this is in any way normal in the current employment climate. if I want a job I have to arrange childcare, pay for it, and allocate a specified minimum number of hours a week focused on the things my employer directs me to do based on things in the job specification but also sometimes a little beyond that in emergencies. I can't take my kids into the university in a car the university pays for, demand all my teaching is moved about to accommodate their activities, supervise homework and get my laundry and shopping done while teaching a seminar group, for example. It would be regarded as utterly bizarre and I would get the sack.

[Snowglobe1]

I'd have no issue with this as long as the nanny was doing her work well and did other activities with the child too. I think it's normal and educational for kids to do this stuff.

[PippaPug]

I'm a Nanny - who is working 24/5 days a week and manage to find time to book doctors/dentist in my 48 hours off - yes I am tired but it's the way of the world!

Can she do online shopping to get delivered after work? I would say a mini food shop is fine (less then a basket full of food) and dentist is only every 6 months so would have that one my day off as well, any dentist work I would take time off for or plan it for a day off, and for doctors if your ill and the family want you to work then yes I would tell them that your going to the doctors before taking X to the park - but if your going to the doctors for a lot of things then again plan it for time off.

If she is that unwell - maybe a slower paced job may suit her better?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

And it's a word of difference taking your own child food shopping as a SAHP to the Nanny doing it!

Why? How?

[BoffinMum]

In response to those who say it's a natural, home-based life what the child would be getting unless things are very finely calibrated would be a double dose of the routine and mundane at the expense of park trips, walks, craft activities, social engagements, little groups and so on, by someone who apparently deliberately is keeping her days off for pleasure and getting her jobs done in working time at her employer's expense.

[TheClacksAreDown]

There's a bit of a spectrum though, isn't there? It would be somewhat precious to say that the nanny could never do the most minor personal errand whilst working, such as popping into a shop briefly that they're passing anyway. But on the other end of the spectrum I wouldn't expect my children to be permanently trailing around after the nanny whilst they did all their personal stuff in working hours.

My nanny has taken DC to the odd vanilla GP appointment (the "take blood pressure, yes you can keep your prescription" type) and blood test which I'm OK with. But I would expect for anything more serious ("I'm concerned about these worrying symptons and what they mean") or dentist treatment for that to be done out of working hours to the extent possible. Occasional bits of shopping is OK if it fits into what they're doing otherwise, but not the personal weekly shop. I don't want to spend my weekend trailing round Tescos so I get a delivery so suggest she does the same.

Childminders are a bit different though - within reason they're free to structure themselves as they see fit, particularly with things like shopping. But a nanny is an employee and so if they employer wants them to do their personal stuff outside of work hours, they are completely free to act that way.

[CakeFail]

It's definitely about balance and boggin's nanny candidate sounds like the extreme end of the scale. It's pointless discussing on here really OP as the friend hasn't even asked her employers yet or has she? Who knows what they are ok with?

[BitOutOfPractice]

"with a child who is constantly on the go and doesn't sleep"

But that's her job!

I employed nannes for many years and if this was an occasional thing, I wouldn't mind. Id she expects to do her big food shop every week on my time I wouldn't be too impressed.

My nannies used to check on a case by case basis

[CakeFail]

Boggin? Boffin! Weird autocorrect.

[fidel1ne]

In response to those who say it's a natural, home-based life what the child would be getting unless things are very finely calibrated would be a double dose of the routine and mundane at the expense of park trips, walks, craft activities, social engagements, little groups and so on, by someone who apparently deliberately is keeping her days off for pleasure and getting her jobs done in working time at her employer's expense.

Errands won't normally take more than an hour a day, will they? That leaves acres of time for everything else.

And no danger of a double dose really. Employers of nannies don't go home and collect the DC and take them round Waitrose etc, IME. They do the bulk of the errands during their working day, on the way home, or at weekends.

[BoffinMum]

I quite like Boggin., Very Oliver Postgate ;.)

Yes, that candidate was a bit odd generally. I had an even more bizarre one who walked in and announced the only reason she wanted the job was for the free car and also so she could get maternity pay as she was planning on getting pregnant asap. That would not be my strategy if I wanted a childcare job, tbh

[LBOCS2]

I vividly remember seeing my nanny having her wisdom teeth extracted when I was about 7 or 8. I have to say, it was an excellent learning experience - because although it was scary (the blood! The tugging!) she was clearly in absolutely no pain at all and the dentist was really reassuring.

I think that it's about give and take. If she has a midweek day off then really she should try and organise her appointments for then, but sometimes you do need to pop out and get milk, or go to the post office, or visit the bank and that's absolutely fine (and like PPs have said, an excellent learning experience for DC). And of course if the option is call in sick vs take the toddler to the GP to pick up a prescription, as an employer I know which one I would prefer.

[wafflerinchief]

i've got a nanny and I also think it's about balance - 52 hours is a lot of hours to work over 4 days, so a few appointments, OK, but if it's happening week in week out, then it's just pushing the boring parts of her life into her work - howmany appointments has she attended in the last month, the last 3 months? Howmany were 'emergency' and couldn't wait for a day off? Ultimately if it's annoying you or you feel your DS isn't getting quality care you need to talk to her.

[frazzledmum2016]

I think it depends on what your friend's employers approach is. Are they people who want their child to be taken to regular organised play groups, play dates etc by their nanny, or are they happy to have a more relaxed day/timetable?

Personally, when I had a nanny I didn't mind about a bit of shopping if it was while my daughter was out and about on a walk with her, but I wouldn't have wanted medical appointments to be taking up her time. However, I only had a nanny two days a week and my daughter has special needs so needs focussed one-on-one attention - which is why I chose to have a nanny - and she wouldn't have got anything out of going along to the dentist/doctor.

I agree with the advice for your friend to talk to her employer - that way she won't feel guilty if they are happy for her to do this. And if they're not at least she knows, then she doesn't run the risk of doing it and getting found out and upsetting them. And if they're not happy for her to do this and she really can't cope with fitting things in on her day off then maybe she needs to think about looking for a different job.

[wowis]

surely this is about the employers expectations? If they are paying her to organise everything around the toddler then I guess they might have a problem with it. I don't think popping to the shops is a problem but I could see them struggling with her doing her full weekly shop maybe...i'm sure the odd thing would be ok but I may not want to pay someone to basically live their own life just with my child in tow...
As someone who works 4 days some evenings and manages three kids around this the sympathy is a little low for your friend being exhausted...maybe she needs iron supplements or something?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

So.... we're calling our nanny a nanny because she comes to us, but we pay her a bit less than the going rate and she takes DS2 off for the day and returns him in the evening. I think we're in a sort of childminder/nanny merged state judging from this thread.

Out of interest, we have a nanny because it works out easier for me in terms of getting DS1 to school and DS2 to childcare on the day in question - not because we particularly want 1:1 attention or lots of educational attainment. It's purely for our convenience as parents and thankfully he seems fine with it.

I assume from this thread that lots of others specifically hire nannies because they want lots of 1:1 attention for their child and so they don't want the nanny to be overly busy with her own life during that time. Is that a safe assumption?

[CakeFail]

Boffin. And at that candidate. Interesting strategy!

[Artandco]

I think occasionally it's fine. But why does she get so exhausted? She has 3 full days to do everything. Needs to do food shop online and minimal appointments

[NNalreadyinuse]

I wouldn't mind the occasional trip to the dentist for a check up. I think it is good for dc to see the dentist as a normal part of life and nothing to be nervous about. I wouldn't want her to be having root canal or anything more complex than a filling, with my child in tow. Doctors visits I would definitely object to. Waiting rooms are full of germs and imo dc should only be there when they absolutely have to.

Ideally her personal appts should be made for her day off, given that she does have a weekday off. Yes, she works long days, but one child is usually not so taxing that she has no energy left during her 3 days off.

[carrie74]

I was always very clear with my nanny that she was absolutely welcome to do any jobs that needed doing while looking after my 2, as if I'd been home with them, that's what I would be doing. She's an amazing nanny though (we've now had her off and on for more than 7 years - she and her baby are like extended family), and I completely trust her. I think a bit of give and take makes for a great working relationship, and I think our many appreciates that.

[Lweji]

She is working 7am til 8PM the days she works. So 52 hours over 4 days with a child who is constantly on the go and doesn't sleep

Is that even legal, employment wise? Does she get paid over time? Or extended hours rates?
When are her breaks? I hope at least it's Wednesday.

[BoffinMum]

Fideline, I have actually heard of situations where nannies basically do just meet with their friends, do their own housework and chores and so on, plonking small charges in front of CBeebies in their own homes and then they bring them back and make out to the parents fun stuff has been happening when actually they have not been meeting their obligations and the child has not really been very well looked after in a holistic sense. So it needs an eye keeping on.

I was once warned about a nanny in SW London that had arranged a nanny share with another family but the original employers knew nothing about it and had blithely assumed she was just looking after their child and he was getting individual attention. They would wave goodbye and head off to work and then she would bundle her charge into the car, drive to the other house, care for him up there all day with two other kids, and return home half an hour before they came home and pretend they had been there all day doing what had been originally arranged. This is why parents need to be vigilant and also ask neighbours to keep an eye on things as well.

[LaurieMarlow]

She should have time off for doctor/dentist surely - like you would.

Food shopping fine - great learning experience/

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

What will she do when she has children of her own give she's exhausted from looking after just in child for four days, no insights and three whole days off.

Millions have children and work. Teachers have a class of 30 five days a week.

Maybe nannying isn't the job for her but finding one that lets her do her own personal stuff during work hours may be the impossible.

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

Shopping with child is an everyday experience, but seriously who is going to be happy with child rammed in carseat & trolley all morning while Nanny does her month's shopping, while you are paying her to entertain/educate/care for your child.

I still say family life (stuff you do with your own children) is not Nanny life where you are being paid to look after children.

and besides....can't she online shop like the rest of us do?

I think Var123 has it really...as an exception and not the rule, so an emergency appointment, nipping in to pick up lunch is fine, but standard everyday run of the mill groceries and personal appointments, not so much