nanny doing personal chores with toddler

[FarterChristmoose]

Is it acceptable for a nanny to take toddler with her on personal chores such as nannys doctors and dentist appointments, food shopping etc rather than doing these on nannys day off? She gets one weekday off Plus weekends. She takes toddler for daily walks, play groups etc.

[juststeppedoutofasalon]

At our request, our childminder spent all morning running her errands, visiting her mates and shopping. afternoons were for lunch, nap and quiet time at home. The babies were out and about and I loved the fact that so many apparent strangers knew them by name. I wouldn't have wanted my kids to go to the drs with her - I took time off work to cover that.

[BackforGood]

I wanted a nanny in preference to a nursery partly for convenience and partly because I wanted my son to be looked after in his own home and have as far as possible the same sort of day to day routine as a child with a sham. (Although with no need for time to be spent on housework)

If a nanny had said the above to me I'd think she was bonkers - honestly trying to dress up going to the supermarket as a learning experience

Of COURSE going round the supermarket is a great learning experience. Language development / Knowledge of the world / maths once they get to counting.
You've said "I wanted my son to be looked after in his own home and have as far as possible the same sort of day to day routine as a child with a sham" well surely all SAHPs do errand during the day? Pick up a parcel that's at the delivery office, maybe take something to the dry cleaners, go to the bank, Go and buy some birthday cards, return an item to a shop, post a letter, etc., etc. If you want the experience to be as close to that experienced by a dc with a SAHP, then the Nanny needs to take them on all sorts of errands.
Ultimately though, JonSnow is right- doesn't matter if 95% of us think it would be fine for the Nanny to run some errand sometimes if her employer doesn't want her to.

[JonSnowKnowsNowt]

Tbh, it doesn't matter what anyone on this thread thinks. It only matters what this particular nanny's employers think. They will have given the nanny a contract laying out duties and expectations, and will have discussed these duties and expectations in more detail at both the interview and on an ongoing day to day basis.

For example, my nanny does family cooking, light household chores, and a whole host of things that many nannies would consider 'not their job'. It's in my nanny's contract, was discussed at interview and both I and she are very happy with the arrangement (my DC are all now school-age, so it's now more of a housekeeper/school-run and holiday childcare arrangement). My nanny does not do personal errands in my time but she can and does ask for time off to do them when necessary, which is of course fine.

I think nearly all employers would find it unacceptable that their nanny was doing activities with their toddler that they didn't know about. I had a previous nanny who thought it was okay to take my two then-pre-schoolers back to her own mother's house to spend a day there during a family party (the nanny's family). I was not happy at all when I found out. Obviously it's the sort of thing that an SAHM would do with her toddlers, but it's not what I was paying a nanny to do. There were some similar incidents, which for me added up to the nanny showing poor judgment, and we ended up ending her contract. My current nanny has been with us 5 years, and one of the many reasons it works so well is that she always checks with me before doing anything that she hasn't been previously discussed.

If this nanny has any doubts about whether the employer is happy with what she's doing then she MUST discuss it with them.

[amarmai]

who pays nanny rates to a person doing a cm job?

[DinosaursRoar]

thing that gets me on this, lots of people are saying they would expect the nanny to do this like a SAHM would, but then particulalry where I live, nannies aren't expected to do a lot of the tasks a SAHM would - a Nanny wouldn't be doing the family's food shop, or cleaning or washing (other than tidying up after the child's activities) - cooking would just be for the child, not for the family etc. Shopping for small bits the child needs that day would be normal, but not being expected to do this routinely. If the Nanny is expected to run errands for the family like a general member of staff rather than an exclusively childcare professional, then doing their own errands at the same time would be more reasonable.

OP - I would suggest your friend might be better looking for a different job, something closer to office hours. She might not get a day off in the week, but get a proper lunch break and find life would be easier for her.

[wafflerinchief]

you might need the money but if you're not getting enough sleep every night, that's a desperate state to be in and a serious think is needed. Not getting enough sleep regularly is awful for your health. If she gets sick she'll be unable to work for a lot longer.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

She needs to find a job with shorter hours.

Don't we all ? I imagine she needs the money .......... and her employer is possibly working compressed hours in order to have a 4 day working week too.

Employers vary - some are quite chilled especially about occasional stuff but if your friend has 3 children, with one SEN then I suspect that the majority of hospital/doc appts etc are related to her children rather than her and are quite possibly regular occurrences.

She is quite right to think that her employer(s) are likely to take a dim view especially if her own teenage children are in tow. Even asking is likely to raise a question in their minds as to what goes on when they are not around for 12 hours a day. It probably isn't worth it in her mind.

for your friend, it sounds really tough.

[var123]

BathshebaDarkstone - but some people do have a choice whether their toddler attends someone else's dentist appointment, and the nanny's employer is one of them.

If I had agreed to my nanny doing this then I'd have considered it a favour to her, not a learning opportunity for my child. I might have said yes anyway, but its more fun to feed the ducks than sit in a waiting room, so I'd have wondered why she couldn't do this sort of thing in her own time.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

ON I wouldn't be doing your friends job. She needs to find a job with shorter hours.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I took my toddlers to the dentist because my husband worked and the dentist was open office hours. I had no choice.

[wafflerinchief]

fwiw 52 hours / week with 3 DC at tricky ages and one with additional needs - maybe your friend just has too much going on? On the surface, 1 dr appt per month and 6 monthly dentist visits doesn't sound too much but if she's exhausted and not able to get enough sleep nightly I think she should consider a job with fewer hours - something's got to give or it'll be her health ultimately.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I can see, given your update, that your friend is totally stretched. Her hours are crazy and she obviously has a busy home life too. But that's not her employer's fault, or problem, really. She's accepted a contract to work those hours and she needs to work them (although as I said earlier, I agree with the 'it's OK to pop to the bank, but not OK to go in and do your mortgage application' school of thought).

[SanityClause]

I don't think it's appropriate to take a charge to the dentist or to the doctor, if you are going to need an examination. In those situations, you are unable to look after them properly. I should imagine most SAHP arrange some kind of help when they need to go; a friend or a family member. I suppose if a nanny took a friend along, it would be okay, so long as the DC were properly supervised.

If a nanny had some errands to do that could be incorporated into the day, I would be happy for them to do them. So, if they wanted to return an item to a shop, and tacked it on to a trip to a soft play venue, that would be fine.

Also, if they had to wait in for a repair person, once in a while, I would be okay with them taking the child to their home. But I would expect to be asked. I wouldn't be happy with a nanny going to their own home every day. If I wanted that, I would have a child minder.

My nannies would sometimes visit their parents, or other family members, and my DC benefitted from this. One nanny had a sister with a baby, so it was a lovely experience for them to visit her, every now and then.

I see that your friend works quite long hours on her working days, but she has three days off a week, one of which is on a week day. She will also be entitled to about 23 days of annual leave. I'm struggling to feel sorry for her, frankly!

[Aussiemum78]

And as a working mum, I appreciated that she was able to work, while also being there for her child.

Dd loved it.

[Aussiemum78]

Our childminder often took dd to shop or to her sons school events. I liked that dd was part of her everyday life (and honorary little sister to her ds).

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

'I need an appointment and thought I could introduce your dc to the experience, am not afraid of the dentist, it's a quick check up, would that be OK with you?, 'it's a long day after all the group and 1 to 1 activities, so I was thinking of taking dc to supermarket, we could learn about choosing items, price and how the checkout works, we wouldn't spend too much time there

As a former employer of nannies I couldn't agree less with the above.

I wanted a nanny in preference to a nursery partly for convenience and partly because I wanted my son to be looked after in his own home and have as far as possible the same sort of day to day routine as a child with a sham. (Although with no need for time to be spent on housework)

If a nanny had said the above to me I'd think she was bonkers - honestly trying to dress up going to the supermarket as a learning experience ?

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I don't see anything wrong with this. I employed nannies , full time Monday to Friday. If they could not have gone to the dentist or doctor during work hours either my husband or I would have had to take time off.

I don't see what the issue is with taking the child shopping.

Although our nannies took our son to playgroups and pre-school nursery I didn't want him to be in nursery full-time. If I had been at home he'd have come shopping with me.

[IoraRua]

I think there's nothing wrong with nanny bringing the child along to the shop, doctor etc. They are learning in all of these environments - new language, new objects, money, all kinds of things. I would be encouraging her to do it.

[Mmmmcake123]

Pippapug
You let children near the toy box!!!!!!
Pretend revulsion , don't you realise they could die from that exposure?

[Mmmmcake123]

As far as nanny expectations are concerned (leaving aside her life outside of work), I don't see anything unreasonable with short dentist appointments, vanilla gp appointments or shopping, so long as these are agreed with employer in advance. This should be along the lines of, 'I need an appointment and thought I could introduce your dc to the experience, am not afraid of the dentist, it's a quick check up, would that be OK with you?, 'it's a long day after all the group and 1 to 1 activities, so I was thinking of taking dc to supermarket, we could learn about choosing items, price and how the checkout works, we wouldn't spend too much time there'. I think these things would be agreeable once you have proved yourself early on and made an effort to build a good relationship. They won't be a given tho. I would expect a nanny to always be helping my little ones to learn, this could be almost anywhere but should come before asking for personal time during work hours.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I think if she keeps request to a minimum it should be fine, especially when certain Drs and dentists don't work every day -- it's likely to be more of a hassle for the employers to get childcare cover for the odd appointment than any negatives in the situation of the child going with nanny, on balance.

I would be exhausted working a 52 hour week over 4 days as a nanny. Some people wouldn't, good for them, but we are all different, and 52 hours is a fair old whack out of ones life.

[RiverTam]

Well then, it's not the same situation, is it.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

No I wouldnt my nanny gets more than the legal requirement for breaks.

I also have no problem retaining them, one has been in my employ for 22 years

[Stripyhoglets]

I am on my 40s and work half those hours in an office job (stressful job though) and I am knackered. She must be dead on her feet - can't believe how many people are saying she should be able to work 52 hours a week and not feel tired

[PippaPug]

Needs You sound just like the Boss I would want to avoid!

I have taken children with me to the doctor before, they was normally a toy box in the room or I would have something for them. It was easier when I was working 7-7 min-Friday then the parents taking time away from their own jobs.

I still think as she has one day off in the week and also a Saturday which a lot of dentists are open for, to sort GP and Dentist visits out then - unless due to illness (and not on going) I think once a month is a lot however so a one off yes, not all the time however