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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

RSVP Aibu??

47 replies

Mummydearest85 · 11/01/2016 20:47

Ok, just wanting to know Aibu?
DD birthday party is on Saturday. I've booked a children's party at one of these soft play places. I have estimated around 10 children, although we ended up sending 12 invites out. Invites were given on the first day back at school, with all the info written on, my phone number, and RSVP by 8th Jan, which was last Friday. I have to phone the venue tomorrow to confirm the final numbers of children attending, I also still need to buy party bags, goodies, prizes, plates/cups etc. AIBU to be annoyed that out of 12 invites sent, not one parent has RSVP'd! Not a single one! I've double checked I wrote my phone number down correct on the invites. I'm friends on Facebook with a few of the mums too, but so far not a single person has responded to say whether or not they can attend! I understand that mums and dads are busy, and it's easy to forget to respond. Past parties have always had one or two mums I need to catch up with to confirm if they're coming or not, but to have all 12 fail to respond?! I've now got to try and catch all 12 parents tomorrow to ask them all if their kid is coming or not. What's more, I have an upset 6 year old who thinks nobody is coming to her party! AIBU??!

OP posts:

figureofspeech · 12/01/2016 00:04

Agghh I've just handed out 30 invites for dd's party in a few weeks time. Its a whole class party as she's in reception. This is a bad idea isn't it?

EponasWildDaughter · 12/01/2016 08:16

My friend remembers going to a classmate's party and being the only one who turned up.

She was 7 or 8 and even at that age felt the excruciating awkwardness of it all. The buffet table all to herself :(

She told me this story when we were teens and it totally put me off throwing big parties for my own DCs for life! I always stuck to just having one or two chosen friends join us for a little outing instead, and all was always well.

Beeswax2017 · 12/01/2016 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hygellig · 12/01/2016 09:45

It's so annoying when people don't reply. Several parents didn't reply when I organised my son's soft play party. I tried to ask those I could at the school gates or texted them if I had their numbers from previous parties. In the end, all but two replied (those two didn't come). Can you message the other parents on Facebook or catch them at the school gates?

DisappointedOne · 12/01/2016 09:48

Agghh I've just handed out 30 invites for dd's party in a few weeks time. Its a whole class party as she's in reception. This is a bad idea isn't it?

Terrible. Rookie mistake.

RebootYourEngine · 12/01/2016 11:13

I have only thrown a handful of parties and have never had this problem. Thank god.

I second the vote for cancelling the party and taking your child out somewhere special instead.

Leelu6 · 12/01/2016 12:50

parents said they feel uncomfortable texting if they dont really know you.

You really have to wonder how some people function in this world.

radiohelen · 12/01/2016 13:07

This is my bête noir... it's just rude not to respond to a children's birthday party invitation. IT'S FUCKWITTAGE.... Lazy, entitled, arrogant, fuckwittage of the highest order.

Date, telephone number and information all provided... then reply with at least a week to go.

There are a few parents who respond without fail but a whole load more who require chasing, texts and phone calls to get even a basic yes or no out of! It drives me insane. YANBU.

Figgygal · 12/01/2016 13:15

oh my absolute Christ we had this last weekend

40 kids across DS two childcare settings invited to softplay party before christmas - 30 meals pre paid needed to know re: party bags and whether more food needed. I had 2 more yes 2 days before, 1 yes and 1 no the day before and 1 an hour before phoning me to say yes!!!! 2 then didn't show up and still 8 people never replied. Was ok in the end except 1 sibling who hadn't been invited ended up with a party bag which meant we were then 1 short for a girl and our neice ended up with a transformers bag.....woops.

It takes 2 minutes to send a text. People are inconsiderate arseholes who I expect wouldn't take kindly to anyone not responding to an invite for their childs party they are the type who probably don't do one though.

Every year I say never again but cant bring self to deprive DS of it.

AnnPerkins · 12/01/2016 13:47

parents said they feel uncomfortable texting if they dont really know you.

But they felt fine about not replying to the invitation at all?

I always reply as soon as I see the invitation.

We only ever invite 6-10 of DS's friends to his birthday things, it makes it so much easier to invite/chase/cater for the numbers.

Notso · 12/01/2016 13:50

I hate this. It's much worse now than it was when DC1 and 2 were little.
What annoyed me most with DC3's recent party was even after I sent another note out saying 'if you haven't confirmed by X then I'll assume your child can't attend' I had two people confirm apologetically on the day then not turn up so we had to pay for them.
I'm not inviting them next year.

Justluvshopping · 12/01/2016 13:55

Life is cruel to parents. You spend their early years stressing over if anyone is going to turn up and their teen years in mortal fear that some halfwit has posted it on Facebook, Instagram-ed or Tweeted it 😒

rubyflipper · 12/01/2016 14:13

I usually reply as soon as I receive the invitation, either by text or in person, as I know what a ballache party invites can be.

However, you need to ask the parents in person, if you can. Invites can get lost or go missing.

An invite for DD was put in her book bag on the last day of term. I found it when clearing out her bag the day before school started in January. It was in amongst all the drawings/scribblings etc that she had brought home .

ChessieFL · 12/01/2016 14:13

I had this with DDs 4th birthday at a soft play - one parent didn't reply so I assumed they weren't coming, then they turned up! The problem was that the food was brought in to the venue in individual bags, so it was very obvious we were one short. My DD went without although some of my close friends who were there shared their kids' food. With hindsight I should have just told the mum that as she hadn't replied her kid wouldn't get any food, but not sure I would ever actually have the guts to do that!

FoxInABox · 12/01/2016 14:20

This is one of my pet hates! I did DD a class party last year and out of 29 invites only 6 people Bothered to RSVP.

jellypopmummy · 12/01/2016 14:25

YANBU I always aim to RSVP within a day or two of getting the invite.

My DD is obsessing about her birthday and planning her party, who she'll invite etc, despite her birthday falling during the summer break. Part of me is hugely relieved that there is a good chance it will be a small party and the other is that I will have to make efforts to break into the parent brigade and get numbers/contact details for her classmates.....

WoodHeaven · 12/01/2016 14:32

YANBU even though I've never seen such a low level of no answers.... It's shocking!

I wouod very tempted to say that the party is cancelled if your dc isn't unhappy about it and you can replace it with something just as fun for them.

Rude. Just rude.

HeadDreamer · 12/01/2016 16:03

It's horrible isn't it? I believe people still RSVP and your notice is too short.

A mum in my NCT group and our children are in the same class has sent an invite to a handful of parents on FB just after the new year. For a party in March! She said she has booked the venue and wanted to make sure someone will be coming. I work full time and I don't have a handful of school mums to ask to come to DDs party. So she's having a family one only. Luckily her friend who just had a birthday also didn't have a school party.

They are in year R btw.

I dread DD asking for a big party. I am hoping to wait till she's older and she will invite a few girls only.

Ginslinger · 12/01/2016 16:11

I am baffled that someone could feel awkward texting someone they don't know if they've received an invitation. What has happened to manners ?

(clutches pearls)

HeadDreamer · 12/01/2016 16:13

I'm surprised at the statement of feeling uncomfortable texting someone they don't know. It's a lame excuse for bad manners isn't it?

seafoodeatit · 12/01/2016 16:13

YANBU,

I never understand why so few people RSVP when so many will go on to host a children's party themselves and complain about facing the same issue!

DS started school last September and we organised our first children's party, I took a more proactive approach on half of the parents who didn't respond in time. I approached them in the playground to see if their child was attending or not - 1 parent I couldn't get a hold of, never responded and just turned up to drop her child off and left.

CaptainCrunch · 12/01/2016 16:17

There have been several million thread on this OP, I feel your pain, I hated this rude crap too.

There are always people on here with the "I'm too busy" or "I'm such a scatterbrain" excusing just appalling behaviour.

Parents are hurt on behalf of their poor DCs standing there waiting for their friends to turn up with no idea if they ever will. It's horrible and completely unnecessary.

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