To wish I could just tell school DS will not be attending swimming any more?

[CiderwithBuda]

I know it's a life skill. He CAN swim. But he hates swimming lessons. He is now 14 and has hated lessons since he was in nursery. He has had one on one private lessons in a friend's pool. Hated that too. He will never be a fast swimmer. He will never swim for pleasure - other than on holiday. He is the slowest and worst apparently and the whole thing makes hm feel rubbish.

I'm so fed up with the moaning from him every time swimming comes around again. I'm dreading Monday's this term already. It affects him so much he gets really down.

If it wasn't for the fact that school would prob not agree and DH wouldn't either I would pull him from the lessons.

Surely a verruca is the best solution.

DD had one that lasted about three years.

True fact.

He cant go swimming if he has ringworm.
If he had verrucas theyd just make him wear those rubber socks.

I feel for your DS. I hate water. It petrifies me. I can swim, but absolutely detest being in water. I wouldn't want to do lessons: not because of being crap at it, but because it's a phobia-level fear for me. I think it's different to hating maths and geography.

My mum invested a small fortune in private lessons & trying to help me get over the fear of water. I can get in the pool if I have to (did it once on holiday last summer with the DDs), but I still hate every second and can't wait to get out.

If it causes him this much distress I'd just claim a skin problem aggravated by the pool water and maybe suggest to the school that he does extra maths in this time, as you have stated this is an area in which he struggles. I never swam with the school as a teen, my mum wrote me a note most of the time. I sometimes wrote my own. In fact, I barely ever did PE at all.

Ds2 hated rugby when he was that age. He doesn't like any sort of personal contact and was too tactile for him. He also couldn't stand being tackled to the ground. I spoke to his guidance teacher and they were happy to arrange an alternative.

Whilst sometimes they do just have to get on with things I do think it is important to try to help them if something is making them really unhappy.

I sympathise (not personally, swimming was the only sport I liked at school) but DD likes going swimming for fun but hates the school swimming lessons they've started having this year.

DD claims "all" her classmates are in swimming clubs and supremely magnificent swimmers. DD can swim and had lessons when she was smaller but isn't a supremely magnificent swimmer. She thinks she's "the worst" in the class too. It is compounded by the fact she's young and short for her class - youngest and second shortest - and some activities they do in the pool where others can stand on the bottom but DD can't, so she's treading water where others are standing (to play water volley ball etc) so that combined with not being the strongest swimmer mean she was getting doubly tired by the lessons.

Luckily ours were last term and they are only rotaed for swimming two half terms a year I think. The lessons are weird as they don't actually seem to be "taught" anything, but are then timed in the last lesson of the half term and given a grade - DD got a grade C (grades for swimming are weird) and her supremely magnificent swimming club member BFF only got a B, so I don't think DD can be the worst by quite the cavernous margin she imagines, if she is indeed the absolute worst (somebody has to be I guess, and she's good at other sports). Perhaps its the same for your son?

I'd speak to the school if its really dragging your whole family down on a Sunday and Monday... or claim parasites/ skin infection (but they might want a doctor's note)... but if the lessons are only a half term or term a year I might say weather it - I guess only you know how bad it is.

Can he opt out next year? We were given some choice of which PE to do in years 10 and 11 (then 4 and 5) as far as I remember.

I completely get what you are all saying about the message it sends if I do approach school. Honestly. And I do make him do stuff he doesn't want too.

I'm just so tired of this!

And as jazzandh points out there is nt a lot to be gained from swimming currently.

Artandco - we've done that. He's fine then. It's different. It's the lengths and races and time trials and practicing strokes etc that he hates.

I would prefer he is officially excused swimming so he can use the time productively. If they are just not doing it for one lesson they sit and watch which is a waste of time. Whereas if it's official he can either use the fitness centre or do extra maths and/or geography.

DH won't be impressed either. He is of the just get on with it school of thought. And when he was at the same school the pool was outdoors and sometimes they had to break the ice on it but if it was summer term it was swimming no matter how cold it was.

You're sure it's not an aversion to the changing rooms / bullying / self esteem in swimsuit in front of the girls [if there are any] ?

It's the lengths and races and time trials and practicing strokes etc that he hates.
It's an hour a week, it's a life skill that is useful to maintain, it's useful to have as a back up if you are injured. There are some jobs that he will need to be able to swim for.

Honestly, I am a crap swimmer but I've never been taught properly. Is there any chance that his technique is just rubbish and that's why he is not moving through the water?

In the nicest possible way, it sounds like your main reason for wanting him to get out of swimming is so he doesn't moan at you any more.

I'd say two things in response to that:

1. If he finds that moaning works to get his own way, he will end up moaning at you about other things (eg Geography).

2. I suspect part of the reason for the moaning might be that he senses you are weakening? If you simply say every Monday "Nope, it's tough, you are doing swimming and that's final - no excuses" you might find the moaning stops... I'm not saying he will skip off happily to swimming but he might realise he has to persuade the school rather than you!

I didn't like swimming at school either. I was rubbish at it. (It didn't help that I am very short sighted so couldn't see in the pool and had bad acne.) Never crossed my mind that I could get out of it simply by moaning at my mum... she would have given me short shrift.

To a point I sympathise with him but honestly - how is school supposed to manage if every parent pulls their child out of the non-academic things they hate. I loathed art with a passion (always felt utterly humiliated at my feeble attempts), my ds2 feels miserable every time it's football because he's "rubbish" at it, ds1 is desperate to escape cross country.

Unless he has terrible self esteem generally, then I'd suggest you tell him to suck it up. Practise is how you get better at something, it is not necessary to 'be the best' or even good at everything. Every day there will be kids miserably sitting through maths, or English or French wondering why they find it such a struggle when others excell.

Your son is miserable and dreads it-this has been going on 11 years-so it is NOT something he is just going to "suck up" and get over. Fuck the 'message'/life lesson. Intervene. I would under the circumstances. However, I hated swimming with a passion (still do) and used to forge letters from my mother every two weeks' and happily took the punishments (detention/grounding) in order to get out of it, so I maybe a little biased.

Well the update is that I offered to speak to school and he doesn't want me to!

So I've told him he just needs to get on with it and no moaning.

We will see what happens next week!

I've said I'm not giving him a note every week with random excuses. So we will see what happens!

he can't hate it that much then, can he?

Indeed!

He does still hate it.
He will still moan.
But he hates the idea of me talking to school more.

His choice.

We shall see what happens next week. I won't have much time for any moaning!