to get a cleaner

[buildingafootieteam]

Background, 3 boys under 4 y/o and I'm constantly on the road. Am suffering depression/anxiety (relevant). House is a disaster zone. To the point whee we don't let people call to see the kids we meet places or call to them. All I can manages is a basic clean up and toy pick up on a daily basis. I'm drowning at the moment and could really do with a dig out. Dh tries to help but for example if he does the dishes I have to was half of them after him again. He point blank refuses to get a cleaner in but I'm just at the point where I'm getting so upset at the state of the house and I need help. Now I would happily get the cleaner and tell him my money can spend how I like but I'm on unpaid leave from work (ds3 is 6 months). I'm contemplating just getting the cleaner anyway, even though dh money and he's against it. WIBU?

It's also not his money.

If he mentions it, then charge him childcare at the going rate per child.

The OP said she has depression and anxiety that is going make a huge difference to how she manages to get planned and face starting a messy house. It's not like she just can't be assed!

Your husband needs to see this as improving your and the well being of everyone else in the house. Calmer kids and routines!

We were in a similar situation where DH thought we 'should' manage without a cleaner as I was on mat leave and he was having a quiet patch at work, but actually we were knackered from the baby, the house was a tip and it led to argument s.

I suggested a few weeks of a cleaner as a trial, and after three weeks (when she had cleaned all the backlog ) he was convinced.

Recently he even suggested increasing her to twice weekly!

Say you are going to try having a cleaner for a month, with a plan to review after that, and hopefully he will see the light.

For us having a cleaner once a week killed two birds with one stone.

The cleaning got done, and the children understood that on Sunday afternoon/evening we had to have a big tidy-up because Bindi was coming on Monday to clean and she didn't do tidying. They were much more eager to tidy for Bindi than for mum for some reason.

I think that - providing you can afford it (I.e it won't give your family a financial problem) - it sounds like an excellent idea OP.

If you have some support with the cleaning you might find it easier to keep on top of things and if it improves your mental health then it's money well spent!

Agree with PPs - its not 'his' money. You are currently not earning because you are at home caring for his children, the cost of doing so (regardless of whether it's childcare or lost income) is half his responsibility!