To wish he would jusy fucking THINK

[PennyHasNoSurname]

When I work a Late I dont get in til midnight. Because we live in a small flat, and DS is still in with us, I put a set of pjs for myself in the living room so I can shower/bath and prep for bed in the living rokm and just sneak into bed.

Ive come in tonight and DH has left thw buggy up in the (skinny) hallway so ive walked straight into it in the dark. I cant turn on the light as it will wake DD whose room is at the end of the hall.

Ive then come into the Living room to find my pjs have been tidied away. So ive been into the bedroom to get a set, waking ds again. Bath running so I quickly resettle him.

It is boiling in the bedroom as both radiators are on - this this morning DH amd I had a conversation about how DS sleeps better when the room is cool so we should turn the radiators off teatime in there as it will then cool down for him. Ive turned the radiator off but its like a bloody oven in there.

Am properly annoyed so ive jumped into the bath and left DH to resettle DS. It is my "lie in" tomorrow and whoever gets the lie in deals with any through the night wakes so its my "turn" but ffs man if he just thought about things DS would even have woke !

How often do these things (the buggy, the PJs, heating) happen?

im thinking if a woman had come on here and stated this;

dh works late and is so fucking inconsiderate when he comes home he came in and kicked the buggy around waking ds up then he put the light on and had a rummage around waking ds up AGAIN he then woke me and expected ME to resettle ds while he had a bath before bedtime! im so tired when do i get to go to sleep i work too! and he turned the heating off just needed to vent etc etc

you might have had different replies

sounds like you tried your best and it didn't work fwiw i have three children by the time the third came along you could have a brass band playing in his room and he wouldn't wake up when it's silent however he wakes which is baffling/funny/nightmare at the same time

Well, she might have had a different reply if she'd neglected to mention she had left the buggy where he was bound to fall over it, or that he was rummaging for stuff he had previously left somewhere sensible but she'd moved it...

Re the night light, we have these on our landing.

They are battery operated so you can position them wherever you need them and point them to where you need the light. Batteries last ages too.

We have one on the bathroom wall like the picture and two on the landing so that the children can see their way to their bathroom without turning a light on. We all sleep in total darkness.

The buggy is annoying, but he did tidy up.

like that would happen this is mumsnet! you must present the facts from a certain point of view

Abbas, but she didn't write it like that, she explained the situation, if she had written it as though she were DH truthfully it would have read 'WIBU to have left the buggy open in our very narrow hall knowing she wouldn't see it etc..'

YANBU OP, and all the people telling her how she could have done this and should do that re missing the point, her DH is being thoughtless and could have avoided all this just by thinking about things just a little bit oh, and actually taking note of something important his wife said. I'm so sick of hearing that we should solve all the problems of other family members thoughtless behaviour.

And yes, before you ask, I have a DH who also does things like this and ignores anything I say.

Penny, is your DH one of these people who is told "I've put the PJs out" "I don't want to put the light on" etc and then completely ignores or forgets it?

i still remember loosing my shit at my ex husband who would walk up our fucking creaking stairs in steel toe capped boots like a bloody elephant to check we were all ok at three am when he was on night shift waking everyone up then moaning the bloody kids were useless sleepers and fucking back off to work christ it would have been quieter if he had rang me to ask!

Does he know why you leave your pjs out? If not he was just tidying up.

Is your heating not on a timer?

These are things that can easily be resolved.

How frustrating for you YANU useful to vent on here

Leave the pjs in the bathroom. Maybe he didn't want to spend his evening in the living room with your pjs on display. My DH leaves stuff lying about for his convenience and it drives me mental :o

Otherwise Yanbu

Why on threads like this do posters assume the OP is completely thick?

If she had a timer for her heating, presumably she'd use it. Not all heating systems have one, mine doesn't.

If her DD is sometimes woken by light, she's probably not stupid enough to leave the door wide open.

If she could just as easily sleep naked, she wouldn't bother getting pyjamas out. I can't sleep without pyjamas, despite being able to sleep on trains, planes etc no problem.

OP YANBU, give DP a bollocking, remind him why it's best to do it that way, and hopefully he'll do better next time.

also, she may have a timer for her heating but still want to turn off radiators in DC's room while heating runs in other rooms.

I am also baffled by posters asking questions like this.

I think yabu, actually

Yep me too

I can understand you feeling tired and grumpy about it all.

Hope you feel better this morning - fwiw I don't think any of the things are a big deal. A little thoughtless perhaps, but not worth stressing about. The buggy probably didn't occur to him, and maybe it was cold when he went to bed so he idin't thin to turn off the heater. Just ask him to make sure he leaves your PJs where you can find them.

she may have a timer for her heating but still want to turn off radiators in DC's room while heating runs in other rooms

Maybe. Perhaps they live somewhere very cold. I don't have the heating on all night but maybe they do.

A bit of both I think.

I can't see how a crack under the door would wake your DD. She must be a very light sleeper.

I would expect to be able to turn the hall light on.

Maybe you could leave it on all evening so DD doesn't see the change. A low watt bulb wouldn't be that wasteful.

I see why you want a bath and not just creep into bed in your underwear but maybe leaving your pyjamas in the bathroom is a better solution for everyone.

Torch.

I totally get you OP!

I agree that thoughtlessness can become corrosive, and behaving as if you are completely unaware of your partner's routine or way of doing things even after you have discussed matters is more than annoying.

Not listening to sensible, practical details that you plan in order to minimise disruption to everyone else is way more than annoying. I would be fuming.

Wrt the buggy in the hallway -- this should never happen. If there was a fire it would have been in exactly the wrong place. There should never be an obstruction in an exit route.

Possibly a good way to approach this is to state in a neutral way what went wrong in your opinion, then ask DH what he thought went wrong, and ask if the two of you can get your heads together to make a plan to ensure it won't happen again. Sometimes people feel more co-operative if they think they themselves came up with the solution.

If you need evidence that some men just think differently...

This morning I am drying my hair. The bedroom door is completely shut because the hairdryer is very noisy and DS is still asleep in the next room - and the longer he sleeps the better.

DH opens the door, comes into the bedroom leaving the door ajar, proceeds to shout over the noise of the dryer, and then leaves again.

When he leaves he very slowly carefully and gently closes the door completely.

give DP a bollocking

No, have a sensible discussion.

Assuming that he doesn't do these things on a regular basis - the post seems to imply it's a one off.

Yes, the OP seems to imply that it's a one off - I took it that her getting home in the middle of the night and picking up her pyjamas was a regular occurrence, and thus all the more annoying that her DP forgot what she usually does! Why on earth is it her responsibility to fix something that presumably isn't usually broken? All the posters suggesting night lights, pjs in the bathroom and scoffing at her dd's sleeping habits are spectacularly missing the point. I wonder if her dp will too.

OP, hope you relaxed in the bath and felt calmer when you woke up this morning

I don't understand why it's "boiling" in the bedroom. The heating may not have a timer, but surely it must have a thermostat? The bedroom shouldn't be "boiling" at any time of day, it should either be comfortable, if the heating is on, or cool, if it is off for the night. If a central thermostat isn't controlling things maybe a thermostatic valve is needed?

(I would look into a thermostat if there is none because that is a health and safety issue.)