Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

[CaptainCrunch]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

[Sunnybitch]

If it's a regular thing that happens op then it was probably assumed that nothing would be said and now she's pissed that she was called up on it!
There's not really much you can do, just let it pass and hopefully it won't happen again and the devide that is between the two sets of staff can be addressed and sorted out coz ive never understood this, your all collegues at the end of the day

[CaptainCrunch]

Thanks sykadelic, that makes a lot of sense.

[catfordbetty]

I am looking for something else

A word of advice: keeping a catalogue of petty grievances won't make you happy in your next job either.

[CaptainCrunch]

We used to be really cohesive and supportive of each other under the old headship, the new head just isn't engaged enough. She's a people pleaser and ends up pleasing no one. Loads of people are trying to leave.

The teaching staff are lovely on an individual basis but when they all get together, there is a bit of a pack mentality and they start to act a bit superior and ignore us.

It's a shame.

[Marshy]

Neither of those are reasons to stop having staff meetings.....

[CaptainCrunch]

Er, catfordbetty, that's really uncalled for.

[emotionsecho]

The teaching staff hoovering all the stuff and assuming that the chocolates were for 'All Staff' cements the 'Them and Us' divide, it certainly sounds as if their attitude to Support Staff needs to change.

[emotionsecho]

Marshy I wonder if they teach the children about sharing.

[whattheseithakasmean]

OP, I can understand why you wrote the note and I think the teacher was totally out of order in her response. I think, as you suspect, she feels superior to the support staff and thus receiving any criticism from them felt like a child telling her off - and she responded accordingly.

I wouldn't let it drop, I would speak to your teacher again and say you wish to discuss her remark about the divide between teaching and support staff - and then stay silent and let her speak. I think what she says may be quite enlightening and she may even surprise (and shame) herself with her response.

[Marshy]

echo

[catfordbetty]

Er, catfordbetty, that's really uncalled for.

Thank god I deleted my first effort.

[CaptainCrunch]

catfordbetty, I've been in this job for 8 years. For the purposes of this thread to give context and background I have given examples of behaviour in the staff room that has led up to this incident.

Not sure why you're being so unpleasant to me.

[Marshy]

Op...what would the teachers have to do or not do so that things would feel better?

Is there anything the support staff need to do differently do you think?

These are the kinds of things you need to be discussing.

Do you have management supervision where you can talk about things 1:1, or has that stopped along with the staff meetings?

[SolsburyHell]

I'm surprised you're having a bit of a hard time on this thread OP. If I had opened a card and chocolates belonging to someone else and they left me a note like yours, I think I'd be suitably embarrassed and apologize. What she did was rude. I don't work in a school but I do work in a role that has the 'main' staff and the support staff and I don't think our support staff would let that go without mention either and rightly so.

[Thetruthfairy]

I am a teacher.
Half the time I don't even manage a break. My head is so full of 'the next lesson' that I can see quite easily how the teacher missed the note.
I borrow tea bags from my support assistant all the time. I used to ask but she has told me not to bother. I get to school for 7am and don't seem to be able to remember little things like tea bags. I replace the tea bags every few weeks when I do a big shop.
Myself and my support assistant joke about this. Our communication is great and I spoil her rotten at Xmas and end of term. She is hugely appreciated. Having a very demanding job can make teachers hard to deal with sometimes. I understand this.
I do find staff room notes on boards very rude though. Address issues through management xx

[CaptainCrunch]

We're kind of a rudderless ship at the moment Marshy. In fairness, the teachers won't be any happier than the support staff. Loads of them are leaving or in the process of trying to.

We ask for meetings and get a "yeah, will try and sort that out" type response and nothing happens.

We are short staffed due to a lot of long term sick leave so time is at a premium. Classes often have to be covered by management staff, it's just a big muddle really.

[whattheseithakasmean]

what would the teachers have to do or not do so that things would feel better?

Well, not scoffing other peoples chocs would be a start, don't you think...?

[KakiFruit]

Going against the grain, I think the teacher was entirely U and you behaved sensibly. I can't imagine having the nerve to open a present addressed to someone else, let alone getting pissed off when I was confronted about it. If it was a mistake, she should have apologised rather than get arsey.

[Marshy]

Op I think you're having a hard time on thw thread because you sound a bit moany and not willing to deal with the issues in an assertive way

[CaptainCrunch]

Thanks KakiFruit, most people seem to think I'm being U for leaving the note, but it was agreed by 7 people to do so and I've no idea how else we were supposed to communicate with all the teachers being in class and having separate breaks (due to playground cover).

[LalaLyra]

I think this is a really common problem in a good number of schools. I worked in a few where the support staff having different breaks meant they never received a share of cakes/biscuits etc. Even the tea club in one was a nightmare because the Classroom Assistants who did playground duty would come in and find no milk, no teabags etc. Some of the teachers simply didn't see a problem with it and it all came to a head after a parent gave the support staff who'd gone above and beyond for their child for something (getting the child on a trip - the first he'd ever been on and the class teacher took nothing to do with) some goodies in thanks. The staff involved went on their break and ALL of the goodies were gone.

I think when you have support staff having breaks at different times then an 'out of sight out of mind' culture can be an issue.

I don't think the note was bad, sounds like the straw that broke the camels back. The teacher is obviously embarrassed, but maybe she needs it pointed out that the reason the HT bought separate chocs is probably because of the fact the support staff usually end up with the dregs after the first breaks!

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

Gosh, what a lot of drama over a few chocolates. We share treats regardless of who buys or who they were for, it gets petty when people start excluding others from eating things.

If all the support staff leave before the end of the school day or bang on time then there's little opportunity to talk to everyone else as I would imagine the teaching staff have to set up for the next lesson at lunch time so it's a quick bite and back to work. Maybe that's the catalyst for the them and us situation, the support staff at our primary work late like the teachers from what I've seen.

[junebirthdaygirl]

I have a friend who worked in a well known pharmacy chain. At lunchtime there was an unopened box of chocolates on the table. There was often opened boxes. She opened it and ate two. She was put on preventive notice while they investigated her for stealing. True story.

[Thetruthfairy]

Just seen your reply.

Ach, management issues. Always the main problem.
Looking for something else might be a good idea x

[whattheseithakasmean]

Teachers are on a decent professional salary, support staff are often hourly paid at a shockingly low rate - of course they should leave on time!