To say think twice before becoming friends with family

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

Basically DH and I got very friendly with my cousin and his then girlfriend. They came on holiday with us. DH actually employed my cousin as he had no job for a time. We went to their wedding. Gave them a load of furniture that we had in storage. We exchanged birthday and Christmas presents and all seemed happy.
Suddenly it all seemed to change. They were always to busy to meet up, once we asked them to an event and got them tickets and when they suddenly could not come due to double booked themselves we never got paid back. This was the second time this happened as they never paid us back for tickets for a quiz night we all attended earlier in the year.
DHs birthday did not receive a card or present then my birthday did not receive card or present. Christmas we sent their card to my grandmas so they could get it and my husband took the Christmas present to a Saturday morning tennis coaching session that cousin does. We did not get even get a Christmas card back.
So we think right they want to cool things so we stop making an effort, but I am pleasant and wish cousins girlfriend happy birthdays on Facebook and like some of her statuses etc as I do not want any bad feeling with being family.
This quiz night comes round again (annual thing) and we do not invite them. Just before this my husband is threatened with court action over a bill that cousin did not pay (my cousin took over the tennis sessions from DH and it took a while for names to be transferred over) it did get paid but very annoying, the excuse cousin gave is he forgot!!!
Next thing I know My uncle (cousins dad) is deleting me and DH on Facebook. Every time I see my aunt and uncle we are ignored. This Christmas has gone by and we did not get a Christmas card from aunt and uncle.

My mum and dad are aware of the situation but as mad as my mum is she still sent Christmas cards and was pleasant as she sees the situation as between the four of us.
My cousins sister (so yes also my cousin) is getting married in the summer and all the family have been invited except me and DH. So my mum and dad and my sister and her family have also declined the invitation (their choice we did not ask them to).
Well the shit has now hit the fan so to speak as you can imagine and my aunt and uncle have dragged by grandma into it and other family members. My mum has also told aunt and uncle a few home truths about their son and girlfriend which ended up in my aunt screaming at her for lying!!!
I just wish we had never got friendly with them, if they had just been friends and not family we could have just all have parted ways but because it's family it's all kicked off. Never again.

19Lottie I thought I'd read this before as well.

This the the OP's previous thread which I assume is about the same couple. Hope it's okay to link it OP, but the back story might help with the advice you get.

Your cousin's side of the family sound difficult. I know it's difficult to let go when you feel you've been treated badly, and it sounds like you have, but if you can walk away and leave them all to it you will feel better for not giving them room in your head.

I tell a lie she did get I touch with us and asked to have all our baby stuff. I declined but wished them well with the baby using the excuse of we are saving stuff in case we have another.'

My DH is sat next to me reminding me of the last incident and all that went on.
He did not cave in by the way and is now bloody glad he didn't

Oh wow - the bare faced cheek to ask you for your baby stuff!

This is why they're pissed off at you - you refused to be their mug again.

Does your aunt know they wanted the baby things? Well done for refusing!

They really are entitled shits, aren't they?

I think the problem is your entire family are a bunch of drama queens. None of that needed to happen, and most of us don't need your warning because our families would not behave so childishly.

Viola -

That sounded harsher than intended. I just don't get why all the fuss, is all I meant.

No sure if I should message cousin for a last time and try to fix things or at least stop all this bad feeling or just leave it

Do you seriously think that is going to help at all? If not, leave it.

No, I'm with Viola tbh.

Unless there are regular family get togethers I don't get the problem.

Friends will often take sides as well!

So, you weren't invited & others have decided not to go.

Well, that's up to them & as is said plenty of times on here, people can decline a wedding invitation for any reason at all!

So by the sounds of it they only wanted to be friends to get ur baby stuff! If you'd agreed then no doubt you'd have been dropped straight after by the sounds of it! The sheer nerve of it!! Leave them to their own devices if I was you!

But, diddl, it's not a just a simple case of declining a wedding invitation, is it? We all do that. The groom's mum has kicked up a fuss about the OP's mum declining the invite and other family members are involved. That is upsetting. I would be very hurt if I was not invited to my cousin's wedding because the cousin's brother and gf were spreading lies about me.

Fair enough if your own family are too reasonable to behave like this but unfortunately OP has not been so lucky in the relatives she has and, I think, deserves some sympathy instead of people minimising the issue.

I don't think OP has done anything to deserve this behaviour.

Seems like they used you and your dh during their hard times and now there's no need for you both. I wouldn't bother texting, they will just end up doing it to someone else.

I agree it could happen with anyone not just family. But it's a lot worse when it's family as it ripples out and others get involved. There isn't a lot you can do about it. Don't try again. Leave it up to them. But even if you do start speaking again I would keep them at a distance. They sound nuts. Telling a few home truths never goes down well especially in families.

Is this still all going on ?

Just walk away for it all

I remember your prior thread. Yes, honestly I think they've 'drifted off' due to the wife's new job. You and DH no longer 'fit' their 'lifestyle' as friends but they still want to be able to ask favours of you as family. Doesn't work that way, does it?

You're right. It's much easier when you're just friends. I think all you can do is keep telling your relatives (including your parents & siblings) that you don't want everyone to fall out and could they please just drop it.

Sorry if I have upset anyone. The title of the thread was just that, the title of the thread. I mean anyone can give advice in all walks of life its up to you if you take it or not. And yes it may seem a trivial problem to some and if you have managed to go though life never once being effected by the "small things" then good on you but I seriously doubt it

As someone going through a similar family rift, I would say - say nothing!
It's awful they are causing all this palaver for your mum and others and people are "taking sides" but in my experience, if some one is determined to "be offended" by you existing, as a pp said well upthread, let them get in with it.
Eventually the deliberate nasty behaviour will be seen by others. These peopke are nit your friends they are "takers" who want a licence to treat you like shit without consequence, just because you are related.
Stay nice, don't contact them,mif family mention it say you've no idea why they are acting this way as you've tried to reach out to them and they haven't responded.
No cards! No quiz invites! No FB!.

They're freeloaders.

Everyone's better off without them. It's really nice that your family have 'taken sides' with you, and your approach to this - it's purely up to them - is the only dignified one.

FGS don't try and make friends with them again! Well, not unless you actually like having "friends" who demand payment for the privilege.

They're users, they were ok when they could get stuff from you, including employment via your DH when needed. Some people are just troublemakers, no getting through to them. I like that your mum stuck up for you, good on her. You're not invited to the wedding? So what - say nothing at all about it in fact, act as if they don't exist. They probably think the non-invite has crushed your soul or something. Silly people. Maybe have a nice day out yourselves. Your ignoring them will no doubt wind them up more but thats no bad thing, might make them realise they're not the centre of everyone's world.

No need for them in your lives at all

I'd steer clear of them now too, tbh. They still owe you money, they've been ridiculously childish, and grabby too (asking for all your baby stuff!) - you're better off without them.
The rest of your family need to sort themselves out as well - they've no need to take sides like they have (although it's kind of nice that your immediate family have taken yours, but still) - just leave them to it and say you'll be civil to your cousins when you see them but that's it now.

As the saying (roughly) goes - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me - don't be their fool.