AWBU to go home?

[Fanton12]

We currently live in a sunny Med country - been here 15 years... Have our own successful business, nice house, car, pool etc. Neither of us are from here, both DCs born here (primary age now). So we have what many think is a great life in the sun... but we have no real friends even after all this time and although we have material things and are busy with the kids (who are bi-lingual) etc, life can be a bit empty. So, we now have the option to wrap things up here and go to a village in the north of England, near where I grew up many years ago (some family left, no friends). We have a rent free house lined up, good schools - but no work - we have savings, but we do need to work - only mid-40s!... Question is AWBU to jack in a perfectly comfortable but lonely life for the possibility of a new life in the UK that we are imagining will be more socially rewarding, less material luxuries but the more important things in life covered off? Both torn - are we seeing the UK through rose tinted specs and will we be OK? Gulp! Any views much appreciated!

It's sort of now or never with the ages of your kids. Go for it!

we live in a small local village

That's the key. I don't really understand people who move abroad somewhere small and rural and then are surprised not to meet PLUs. You need to be somewhere bigger basically with a wider social circle, and that applies to the UK too.

I think from the tone of your post OP that you have already made your mind up and kind of just want a bit of a push! sounds like a perfect opportunity to come back to me- one you might regret if you don't take. do it! fly hommmeeeee!

How long is the rent free house offer available? Is it possible to come over for a few weeks in the holidays and then most of the summer holidays to get the kids to get a proper feel for it over here?

England will be very different to what you expect. For gods sake dont jack it all in permanently without trying it for a year. I went back for 3 weeks 2 years ago and it had changed so much, and not in a way I was comfortable with.

Now is the time to try it, if you really want to come back to the UK.

Research what is availabile where your moving to, my DD moved from just outside of our city, back into it, when she was pregnant, because there are lots to do for young children/ families and hobby/study wise.

I think a lot of women feel lonely, with two Children under five, unless their peer group are having babies at the same time.

I'm 47, I've drifted from old friends and had a few pass away, it's difficult to make friends in your 40's, but because you're coming from 'Abroad', it might be easier, because Women are often suspicious of other Women who don't already have friends.

Weigh up how it would negatively impact on your life, if you came and had to go back, because you hated it, if the impact isn't going to be much, then go for it.

And another thing - your friends are delighted to see you when you are in the UK, but once you are living here it will be different.

It is just plain old hard to make friends as an adult. Even doing a hobby with other parents, you will still find it hard.

Really I would suggest you try it for a year while they are still at primary school, and see if its what you expected.

Just for the record having been a language teacher for a couple of years, depending on their ages, they are likely to loose pretty much all their language skills unless they are doing that language at school here.

I moved back to the UK for a year recently after 25 years abroad. Kids 16 and 9, husband foreign. We loved it. The schools were so nice I cried, like you said OP, they just 'got' me!
I am not very outgoing but still made friends quickly at the school gate, especially with the other 'foreigners' and through them, more local families. Son joined cubs. I volunteered there.
We started going for a drink in the pub, novelty for us, found myself buying my son's teacher a pint one Saturday night!
I'm older (50) so I joined things for my age: such as a walking group and a choir. I could take my older relative for hospital appointments, which was nice.
I already had a job that I do at home (translations) but I could have worked straightaway as the town has full employment - was offered coffee shop jobs and TA / dinner lady jobs at the school, without even exploring jobs that would use my bilingual skills.
Bonfire night, loved it, hadn't done it for SO long.

Try it. Rent out your foreign house to holiday makers via Trip Advisor/Owners abroad. Go back after a year if you don't like it. Good luck!

ps you might find a local expat group from the country you're coming from, google Meetup Groups Portugese/Greek/Spanish (or whatever language it is!)

My only advice would be don't think of it as going back. Think of it as the next step on your journey, a new start, the next chapter. If you think of it as going back you will never be happy because we can never recreate the past.

Oh and what CheesyWeez said.

radiohelen - thanks for that advice - you're right it is the next step in our lives... we would be starting a new business, in a new field and will be busy... CheesyWeez, I hope our experience will be similar - I have a feeling it might be - just a feeling of familiarity, but in a new place with new challenges... thanks everyone for all your thoughts!

A friend returned from Dubai last year with kids who were a bit older than yours, for similar reasons, and they never forgave her for it. Both kids have now returned (the kids lived their entire life there, to them it's home) and now my friend is lonelier than ever. I think if you do leave it's better to do it now while your kids are young and fairly flexible.

I'm sorry about your friend spaceyboo. Dubai is a unique case! I had the opposite, after one year in the UK my DD 17 was halfway through A levels and refused to come back to Europe with us when my DH's work was unexpectedly moved back here. Then I was really torn as to what to do. She is lodging with her friend's family in the UK who are luckily absolutely lovely with her. My DC 10 came back to Europe with us (same school, house) but I feel bad about the disruption. He is now truly bilingual and as a maths-lover benefitted from seeing two different approaches to maths teaching! DH's work is set to move work AGAIN later this year (to the UK) and after that I will have to say STOP I'm not moving DS again! He is a quiet boy and a bit of a worrier.

fanton I have sent you a PM. best of luck.