Fragmented family - AIBU to not know what to tell DS?

[cjt110]

Leading on from another thread, this got me thinking. I have a "fragmented" family for want of a better word - I do not speak to my paternal family at all by my own choice and my son's GF is my stepDad (who I refer to as Dad) who has been in my life for 25 years. I do not want my paternal family having anything to do with my son and to be honest, I would love nothing more for them to not even know he exists so that he doesnt suffer their nasty ways like I did as a child. However, I also do not want to deny my son his heritage(?) and also in today's modern age, it is easy enough to find people, even if they don't want to be found. (For example, I got married in 2012 - I stopped contact with my paternal family in approx 2010 yet my half sister (aged 12) still managed to find me on Facebook even though I am pretty sure they wouldnt have a clue of my married name.

So, when the time comes, what do I tell DS, if anything?

I'd just keep it very factual - your Dad is really your step dad but he's been in your life 25+ years and that's who you consider your dad to be. I don't think much good every comes from hiding stuff even though I appreciate why you might want to.

Of course it all depends on what your ds asks and how old he is at the time. Just stick to the facts and keep it age appropriate.

I have a similar issue, on my side I'm in contact with mum and dad but all (horrible) grandparents are dead, aunts and uncles and cousins don't give a shit about me so they can do one.

I'll just be telling my DD we don't get on, they're a bit selfish, so they have their lives and we have ours. End of story, doesn't need to be a big drama.

Just be open about it in an age appropriate way: to DC it's just factual info, DS won't bat an eyelid!

If the relatives are toxic best not to encourage contact.

Yes, just be factual and wait until he asks. Young children don't set much store by extended family they've never met, I find. No need to deny him the knowledge though - be honest. They are not very nice people and you don't see them any more. As he gets older he may ask in more depth. Again, just be honest. If he wants to seek them out at some point - then cross that bridge when you come to it.

Thanks for the good advice. It won't be for a long time yet but it pricked my mind what with another thread.