Partner wants to start masters when baby is due

[Cinnamon84]

Not sure how to feel about this.
Am 7 weeks pregnant with partner I've been with for about 7 years. We're both very happy after trying for a few months after a mc last year.
Partner has been at current (well paid) job for 10 years and hates it. He went to uni and did really well and ended up going straight back to his job when he had finished.
He's wanted a change in career for ages and has recently started thinking about training in something. After a conversation with some friends he has decided he wants to go back to uni to get a masters. I don't want to stop him but if all goes well with this pregnancy we'll have a baby around the same time as he would be quitting work and going back to uni. At the same time we really want to buy a house so are really looking after our pennies.
If I say I don't want him to do it I know he won't but I know it will make him so happy and he'll be able to find a better job eventually.
He can potentially get a bursary where the course will be paid for, and he has savings put aside that we can dip into for emergencies but we would still have to pay living expenses - rent/mortgage, bills, food, and obviously the extra expense of having a well considered and planned for and wanted baby while I'd be on maternity pay.
Not sure if I should ask him to reconsider / put it off for a bit. Could do with some advice!

I think Soc work really is like a full time course and with full time placements too so it is not like a regular masters which are only about 6 hrs a week contact time.

If you would share what your salary is (and his current one) I might be able to advise you in terms of any financial support you could access.

However for postgrad courses there is little support for student parents like there is with undergrad, such a shame.

He's not going to have a great deal of free time to be doing childcare or anything else on a social work masters. They spend a good chunk of it in placement, which is like having a job.

My partner is doing 2 MA & working, our baby due very soon. He's very good with money & we've budgeted in advance & I've classed his study days as working so even though he'll be home I will go about childcare like he was at the office.

Can be done, just takes prior planning, commitment & support.

I think it completely depends on (1) whether he can actually get the fees paid, (2) how much your savings are, (3) how easy he's going to find getting a job after, (4) whether the new job will be higher paying. If you can afford it and he has good employment prospects, I think that doing this in the early years of the baby's life makes more sense than the later years. It also might be really nice if he is able to be at home while you're on maternity leave. But if he doesn't have good employment prospects or your savings can't support you for the year, then part time is probably better. Also, does he really need the masters for the desired job? Could he try just applying for jobs he might like right now?

Social work MA is VERY full on. A friend of mine is doing it. She has had a term of full on study (2 8 hour days of lectures plus 3 full days of self study to get it all done) soon she starts a 9-5 placement which will have study on top of it. Her course is also 2 years. She has a full bursery but it's no where near enough to live on.

Make sure he checks EVERYThing, workload, bursery amount, fees, course length. Realistically I think it would be insanity to attempt with a small baby.

With the new information, I now don't think he's being that unreasonable.

So it's ok you get to reduce your hours or choose not to go back but he gets no say as is expected to finance your choices.

It's a partnership, neither side gets to dictate what they want to do. They have to be joint decisions if finances are fragile and dependant on each other.

Also you both deserve to be in jobs you enjoy. You need to find a way to do that. Not sure that this at this time is the answer but don't force him to sacrifice his happiness for yours or you will find likely yourself a single parent.

My husband and I will actually be in much the same position! He's a non-EU citizen and we're moving home to have the baby and hopefully settle in the UK. The only way to do it visa-wise was for him to start studying just after the baby is born, then after his course I should be able to sponsor him on a spousal visa.

We'll be on a mega-tight budget and house buying is basically out of the question even in the long-term future but the course will enable him and I to practice in the areas we love, in the country we want to make our home. Holistically it makes total sense - our priorities aren't everyone's but you have to do what is right for all of you. Good luck!

My husband began his on-the-job training at a big accountancy firm to become a chartered accountant the weeks after our second son was born. It was incredibly stressful for both of us, exam time in particular. No-one else in his intake had kids and it's very much geared up to single people - crazy hours and an expectation that you'll catch up on study in evenings and weekends. It nearly broke us, only the knowledge that in three years (nearly there now) he'd be earning significantly more than he did in his old job kept us going. I'm not sure you could say the same about social work...?

Whatever you decide, you both need to be on board, otherwise you'll end up resenting each other.

Is he a bit jealous that you will be at home on ML and he wants to leave his job too? It doesn't sound like he's thought it through.
Agree with PPs, pencil this in for one or two years time but not at the same time you're having your first child.

My partner started a social work degree at the same time our first baby was born and I am a stay at home mum.

You would have to live cheaply but it's doable.

A lot of people talked about money/stability but we think it's ace because there has been so much more time to spend as a family, especially the long holidays.

Tbh, I am all for people trying to improve their lives.
I myself have two Masters.
However, I would be livid if my Dh decided to study for a Masters ,when I had just conceived ; particularly if I hated my job.
If he decides that he does want to study, he should consider part time distance learning.
This mean that he would be around to'help' with the baby.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Studying around a small baby would be really hard, he's inevitably asking you to take on more of the evening/weekend childcare and compromising finances so it has to be a joint decision.
Can you sit down and talk about where you both want to be long-term. After mat leave, are you both going to work full time as your child grows up, or is one of you going to be stay at home/part time? Is there affordable and accessible childcare where you live or work? Who would do pick ups and drop offs? Who would do sick days? If you don't like your job either is there something else you'd rather do? Will that require study too? What's you maternity leave package like? Could you share maternity/paternity leave?
If it was us I'd be thinking that the end of your mat leave might be a better time for your DH to start studying. Then it's be a question of whether you (both) want baby in nursery full time, or can afford the studying while you work pt.
OTOH, if you find you can afford it, having mat leave while your DH was at home studying at least some days might be quite good. You'd have to be quite disciplined - do you have a room he could shut himself up in? - but then having him around to take baby in his coffee break while you have a shower, make you lunch etc would be a plus.

I think he should wait a year. Doing a full on MA with a young baby in the house sounds like a nightmare. You are both going to end up frazzled. I have done an Masters whilst working full time but I wouldn't have wanted to do one with a newborn baby. Also if he starts studying when you go back to work then he may have some flexibility to manage childcare issues.

Knowing that you are now pregnant is probably something of a catalyst moment for both of you, so it could just be a knee jerk reaction or in fact the kick up the backside he has been waiting for.

If it's a one year MA then provided it can be financed I would say that during your maternity leave is the time when it will have the least impact to some extent.

Figure out together what you need to save, what he will need as a bursary etc etc and see if it is even achievable.

Its wrong imo to resent him for wanting to make the change now. The timing could be better but once you start on the treadmill of family and all the costs associated with that, most people find themselves 20 years later never having made the change.

Also agree what steps you will take as a family to finance choices for you if you hate your job.

Maybe look at the options and compare the pros and cons:

Option 1: He starts when the baby's due.
Option 2: He starts a year later
Option 3: Part-time study.

Personally, if he's serious, I'd say go for it. In lots of ways, it may be financially easier when you are on maternity leave as you won't be paying childcare.

Agree that your career plans need to be figured in too.

Mine did this but it was distance learning (OU) so we didn't have the money worry.

It was however a PITA with 2 under 2. DH was either at work or studying (his degree was Maths, so tonnes of work)

I was quite resentful as he was doing it 'for a hobby' and I didn't go to his graduation ceremony as it was miles away from our area and I felt it was unfair to drag the DC to it and no childcare was available.

These days however, he has a fab job -probably assisted by his excellent academic record and I see the benefits from that, so I suppose I got paid back eventually!

Personally, if he's serious, I'd say go for it. In lots of ways, it may be financially easier when you are on maternity leave as you won't be paying childcare.

But logistically with a small baby, very difficult.

Unless you're happy doing all the parenting/domestic stuff.

If i were him i'd look into boxing a bit clever with this- ten years is a lot of credit with an employer and earns you paid paternity leave and holiday and potential flexiworking - you dont want to waste all that credit by leaving just before you may need it.

Try suggesting this:
Still apply for masters and bursary, and save up holiday/ see if theres an option to buy some more. if he gets the bursary- take extra holiday when baby is born and masters starts- you will be on mat leave (mother will need to be there at the start) and begin his masters. When appropriate, (there may be a few weeks of juggling masters and job in between) take his paternity leave entitlement And continue masters on the paternity leave- and at least then for a couple of months you'll be covered? when hes in uni he can take baby with him or see if theres a creche or other assistance (as a student he may get some perks for student parents).
Then leave job when you go back to work?

It may be hat after suggesting all the complexities and juggling and sleight of hand the above solution would take, he realises its way simpler just to start his masters a year later, and work through half a year with half on paternity (silver linings)