To think that we have been incredibly inadvertently rude!

[Iambubbles86]

Its my BIL birthday next week so Ive been looking at presents within the agreed price range (£20 limit started by dps family years before we met) when it occurred to me that for the last 8 years we've been together we has massivly fucked up. We've been spending 20 on one present for permanently single bil but for our birthdays he spends 20 each meaning for years his outlay had been double ours and I never even noticed. Rather than getting him one 20 present we should have got him one each or a 40 present. I feel so stingy and embarrassed. I don't think he's noticed or if he has he hasn't said anything but other than spending the correct amount in the future not sure really what I could do to make up for the last 8 birthdays (and Christmases too)

Oh and now I just realised that we do it for everyone who buys us singular presents rather than joint... Fuck fuck fuck

It's just one of those things. DD and I are a family of two, my sister has a family of four. That means at Christmas I buy four presents for them and they buy two for us. I certainly don't expect them to double what they spend just to make it fair although we don't set a budget and I'm sure I spend more per present

Ask him what he thinks, and say its ok for him to get you a joint present.

I think what you've been doing is fine, and is what I'd do. We spend the same on each person, and don't double or triple it because there are more of us than them.

We normally spend more on family/friends as there are four of us, and they buy for all of us. However, I was talking about budgets with my MIL over Christmas, and I explained why I spend more on them than they do on us, and she said it hadn't even crossed her mind.

My single SIL must spend a lot on us so I make sure she gets bigger presents as I hate the thought of her being out of pocket (it's always stuff she wants though, I don't just spend for spendings sake). I might bring it up one day to see whether she's ever thought about it!

I wouldn't worry too much about the presents that you've bought over the years, if you've put thought into it and made an effort then surely that's the most important thing

I think sometimes the cash value of gifts just doesn't stack up, and you just suck it up - my brother moved in with his then girlfriend, got engaged, got married, bought a new house, then had a child, and DP and I (who are not married and unlikely to have children) bought presents for each of those events. We got a card when we moved in together, and wouldn't have expected anything more because they have bigger financial commitments with a huge mortgage and a child.

Something which does tick me off, and I realise I am probably being unreasonable here, is when I go for lunch/tea with my friend and her son (who's now a teenager and eats like a horse) and we split the bill 50/50. I always think she should pitch in a bit more, but I would never have the nerve to say!

No, no, no! YANBU. Present giving shouldn't be about matching amounts of money. My DSILs family do that and it is horrible. Every gift is price matched to the nth degree until it becomes more about the amount than choosing something the recipient will like. (Eg. This Christmas he thought his nan would like a DVD set of musicals that was going v cheap on Amazon, but instead he bought her 2 toiletry gift sets that cost the same as he had spent on his two aunts).

The giving and receiving of gifts is in no way comparable to paying a fair share of cab fares or rounds in pubs.