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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect FIL not to put feet on sofa arm

38 replies

hedgehog01 · 04/01/2016 14:18

I know it's controversial on MN, but we prefer guests to take their shoes off when they come into our house. Live in an area where the pavements are plastered with dog poo (literally at times), lots of spitting on pavements going on etc. Started when house was new, continued when had crawling baby and still prefer it. DH's family think this is odd (they live outside London and spend most of their time driving rather than walking on pavements) and never fail to make a fuss, but seem to be getting message. FIL has just visited, took off shoes but then put foot in shoe up on sofa to get it on. WTF. So I don't want dirty shoes on floor, but now I want them on soft furnishings?! He is older, so not as mobile as others, but we suggest he sits down on the sofa to make it easier for him and he does this instead. He is difficult and I sometimes think he's doing this just to make a point.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 04/01/2016 15:50

Well, whether you are for or against shoes in the house is one thing but I cannot imagine anyone thinking its ok to put outdoor shoes directly onto soft furnishings!! He is just being a cantankerous old bugger and making a point!!

Original poster
hedgehog01 · 04/01/2016 15:53

Thank you so much for the support. I'm going to be prepared next time and offer him a stool and be prepared to speak up. :-/ I'm sure that'll go down well at the family gathering.

OP posts:
Original poster
hedgehog01 · 04/01/2016 15:53

He put his foot up on my daughter's play table one time! Why have I been so slow on the uptake!!!

OP posts:
zipzap · 04/01/2016 15:57

Next time he goes to do it, be there with a large plastic bag (bin bag?) to hand and stick it under wherever he puts his feet, shouting WAIT really loudly before he gets his feet down so that you get there in time... then obviously throw it away once used.

I'd also get dh to stand up to him and tell him that he can't use the kitchen towel to wipe his hands after he comes out of the loo - even if it means standing outside the door with a spare towel to catch him if he tries it. Could you get a special towel that's bright red or something that will really stand out and make a point about saying to everyone that it's a special towel for FIL as he can't see the other one so this is really bright so he can see it as he's intent on trying to give everybody food poisoning by wiping toilet hands in the kitchen.

I'd also find a way of describing what he's doing as something he doesn't like - highlighting it because he is old or forgetful or silly or that even your 3 year old knows better than he does or whatever - every time he does it - and very publicly, so that he starts to do it properly just to prove you wrong.

zipzap · 04/01/2016 16:00

Get some kitchen roll and a spray bottle of dettol or whatever cleaner you have, hand it to him and ask him to clean it. right now. and then once it is clean to keep his feet off it.

I'd also get dd to ask her gdad why he is being so horrible and putting his filthy feet where she plays, and tell him he's not being very nice...

Original poster
hedgehog01 · 04/01/2016 16:03

Good suggestions, thank you. Why is he doing this, though? The weird towel thing/the shoes thing? It seems to be a control thing, but why? I'd hate for people to dread me coming to their house.

OP posts:
Footle · 04/01/2016 16:09

Get a small child to tell off her grandparent for you ?

Leelu6 · 04/01/2016 17:30

Yep, sounds deliberate. YANBU to tell him off repeatedly till he gets the message.

Katarzyna79 · 04/01/2016 17:36

ur too nice i wouldnt let him throughwith shoes on. He can go near frony door to put shoes on. Even servicemen arent allowed entry i ask them to remove or wear shoe nags i keep a stash near door

Its a no brainer outside dirt should remain outside. Not just dog muck. Mud, spit, urine, grass, cig stubs, sticky gum etc.

Katarzyna79 · 04/01/2016 17:42

i dont thinkcontrol. Hes accustomed to doing things a certain way but will adjust of u are strict with it. My dad used to washhandsafter eating go to use tea towel. I went bonkers i. My head but calmly said no use tissue dispenser plz. I knoe most folks dont have dispensers but id use kitchen rollwhen i didnt. I knoe itsxwasteful but im ocd i csnt dry hands on shared towel. Same wity bathroom i just couldnt do it towel no way ( nuts i know)

The only time folks can use tea towel is og theyre cooking and constantly washing hands prepping veg meat etc. Or to dry crockery.

Original poster
hedgehog01 · 04/01/2016 18:43

Good plan!

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 04/01/2016 18:48

Bloody cheeky in my opinion.

Nearly as bad as when my FIL thoroughly mauled a banana bread with his dirty fingers before slicing it up for everyone! Ugh.

Nearly as bad as seeing him in his bathing costume.

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