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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For those who are NC with siblings

43 replies

FlowersAndShit · 03/01/2016 11:22

Do you buy nieces/nephews birthday/Christmas gifts?

OP posts:
StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard · 03/01/2016 15:02

Yes I did and my sister gave them to my nephew.

Was 2 years NC - her decision - and she is starting to cool down and has made a couple of suggestions of putting things right between us.

She has form for going NC with people although this was my first time on the receiving end. My nephew is delighted that things may go back to having contact so I am glad that he never missed birthday cards, birthday presents and Christmas presents just because the adults were NC.

HammerToFall · 03/01/2016 15:05

No, my sister went NC with the family and I've never met my two nephews. She also cut of co tact with my DC. It devastates me daily.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 03/01/2016 15:06

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TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 03/01/2016 15:07

No, 1st attempt to do so was thrown back in my face so didn't persist. It's been 9 years & 2 of them are now adults & don't expect to hear from them. It's been the same for my DD, not a gift other way either.

TheNumberfaker · 03/01/2016 15:10

Yes. I pass them via my mum.

Withgraceinmyheart · 03/01/2016 15:10

I wouldn't, because I don't want them sending anything to dd. I think if you're nc with someone includes their children, unless there's a mutual understanding in place.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 03/01/2016 15:11

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BooleanOperator · 03/01/2016 15:23

Yes, I buy for the DNs. Not their fault their parents are idiots.

Plus, when they're older I'd like them to know they have other family they can bail to when they realise their parents are abusing them Sad

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 03/01/2016 15:25

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AloraRyger · 03/01/2016 15:33

No I don't. My sibling likes to create maximum drama outside dcs school delivering christmas presents to me despite being told not to each year since we went NC. NC means NC - my dc miss out on nothing.

BooleanOperator · 03/01/2016 15:44

No, I don't Confused

We're not trying to "keep them onside with gifts", but because the parents have decided that the DC are a weapon to be withheld from the entire, extended family in order to manipulate parents, nobody gets to see them.

It's not the DC's fault. We all still care and worry very much about their DC. Our door will always be open. That's all.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 03/01/2016 16:02

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NinaSimoneful · 03/01/2016 16:18

DH is NC with his siblings and no, does not buy for the kids.

BooleanOperator · 03/01/2016 16:18

Okaaaay...

Well we'll all just turn a blind eye to abuse then, shall we? After all, it's the parents' choice if they want to raise them that way.

My brother is a bully. Emotionally, financially, physically occasionally. He bullies women. He has recently, pretty badly, bullied my mum (for the hundredth time, admittedly). I had a thread about it a few months ago, it was fairly resounding YANBU. His wife agrees with him

Because my mum, for the first time ever, didn't aquiscse to his demands (yet), he has decided to never speak to ANYONE in our family again (other than a few abusive messages to my sister for trying to help).

I think that saying you care about children when you think their parents are 'abusive' and 'idiots' is beyond insulting.

Of course we care about their DC! What a strange thing to say. We are very worried about them having to grow up in an angry environment where their father has episodes of blind rage for imagined slights. He has no friends (obviously), limited family on DW's side, they are very isolated and alone whereand how they live (their choice). But it's worrying that DC have to grow up in that.

Rafflesway · 03/01/2016 16:28

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StrictlyMumDancing · 03/01/2016 16:30

Actually the more I think about it, it may be different in everyone's family.

Our maternal gps and dms siblings went no with dm over marrying DF. For years we were ignored. They reconciled but we were rarely even bought a token present. When we were it was usually because someone was after something from dm.

Dm is now nc with them and they still continue to ignore us, but occasionally send gifts for my dc. Then cause shit because dm hasn't thanked them. However I always do and as we keep pointing out: whilst my dc are too small to thank you themselves it's my job to thank on their behalf, not dms.

So in our family a gift from nc is usually a trick.

NicoleWatterson · 03/01/2016 16:33

No, they were just getting thrown away. Then they moved so that was that.

Jojoanna · 03/01/2016 16:35

Nope. No since going Nc

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