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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by ILs' gifts to DD?

52 replies

PeachPantaloons · 02/01/2016 20:34

ILs have always been a bit strange with gifts - just to give a bit of background, some classics they've given me over the years include; an industrial size can of sweetcorn months out of date (SIL), a mini JCB branded spade on a key ring (MIL), a Tesco bag for life (MIL), a complimentary pot of jelly beans (the type you get at conferences) already opened and half the beans eaten (SIL) and many, many old/random bits with huge red clearance stickers left on them.

Since the initial confusion at our first Christmas together, it's become a bit of an affectionate joke between DH and I and we have a bit of a giggle over them.

However, I was hoping that they'd put the bizarrity aside for my DD who's 8 months old, this being her first Christmas. She's a very small baby (still in 3-6 month clothes) and was prem so about 1-2 months behind developmentally.

They got her an adult size duvet cover, two boys' two year old size onesies, an activity pack (the very cheapest you can imagine - two 8 page grey paper colouring books and standard four crayons) and a bear you feed with a toy bottle, neither suitable for under 3s, a Something Special game with buttons to help four year olds learn to spell dated 2011 on the back and (suspiciously?) not in any packaging, a very cute dress, top and leggings but aged 36 months, two very cheap books (prices left on, 50p for two) aimed at 5 year olds, an enormous white chocolate dog, a bag of kinder chocolates, a bargain bath tidy net and some small soft toys (DD isn't bothered about soft toys yet, she likes things with colour and different textures and stuff she can chew). All in all, nothing we could really let her have and nothing to show that they'd thought about her personality at all.

Obviously she doesn't know anything about it this year but what if it continues for future birthdays/Christmasses. I can't imagine it being any kind of fun for a little one to open their gifts and have them put away straight away until they're age appropriate...

Just to put it into perspective, SIL's 13 year old daughter was given a PS4 this year (Wii U and tablet last year), SIL got £500 worth of cooking equipment (bought for her by BIL) so we know they know how to do decent presents and that it's not a money thing.

DH and I struggled massively for money this year (mat leave pay) but still put the same thought and as much money as we could into each gift and while we don't care for ourselves, I feel like no real care or thought has gone into DD's gifts. My family got things that match her interests (lifting flaps and touchy feely stuff) so she did get some lovely presents in addition to the ones we got her.

I am grateful she got any gifts and thanked the ILs properly. I don't want them to spend loads of money on her and I'm not upset about the gifts but AIBU in being disappointed that not more thought had gone into baby's first Christmas gifts?

Have your DCs ever gotten strange or inappropriate gifts which have left you a bit Confused? Any good stories out there?

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 02/01/2016 21:31

ok a bit strange but not end of the world

go and exchange the clothes

something special game - my youngest loved pressing the buttons on his brothers when he was same age.

Could you read the books to her?

Eat the chocolate yourself to soothe nerves

She might like the soft toys

Next time get in early and give them a list of things - stating very clearly her size

Tired2ndTimeMum · 02/01/2016 21:36

Good advice to give back equally -thoughtful- gifts in future.

My in laws have form for giving plastic tat that requires batteries (never included) and is several years too advanced for my son to play with.

My MiL is the worst offender and likes to gift clothes that will fit when the baby is older. Except she never considers what season that will be. So the size 6-9 snowsuit for my son didn't really work come May/June when he was ready to fit in it. Hmm

To be honest I just think that they properly think when they're buying the stuff. I now just smile and say thank you and set it aside. Then again - I've never been fortunate enough to be gifted by a tin of sweet corn Confused

5Hearts · 02/01/2016 21:39

I've got a SIL like this.

Massively tempting to do it back, but I just couldn't.

She gave DS an unbelievably shitty gift this Christmas (think rotten fruit, puzzle book already filled in...). I'm kicking myself now for now for not acting on the warning signs a decade ago and dealing with it then.

According to PIL she is jealous of DH (who has been more successful than her) and that's why she does it. The irony, perhaps, being she married for money and is definitely more wealthy now.

It won't be nice or funny for your child to receive 'gifts' like these. We've decided to put any gifts from her straight in the bin, unopened, from now on and have as little to do with her as possible.

Nice people don't do stuff like this (unless joke gifts have been mutually agreed).

diddl · 02/01/2016 21:42

Do they get yourhusband crap as well?

Was the cooking stuff that SIL got from her husband?

Well I can't help but think that yourdaughter is already doing betterthan you tbh.

Soft toys are Ok aren't they?

PeachPantaloons · 02/01/2016 21:43

I forgot to say that they did get her a rubber duck which she absolutely loves!

They did previously get DH some cans of asda basic rice pudding and mushy peas as a 'joke'. They all fell about laughing when he opened them but as he hates waste he ate the rice pudding and was ill for about a week afterwards! SIL was working at asda at the time and it occurred to us afterwards that she might have dug the cans out from a long forgotten storeroom or something!

OP posts:
Sedona123 · 02/01/2016 21:46

It does sound like your MIL and SIL are having some kind of crap gift contest. Does your DH get crap gifts too?

I also agree with the suggestions to either join in their game, or set up an Amazon wish list or similar. Another idea would be for your DH to speak to them both and tell them how appalling their behaviour is. If it was my family, I would definitely be having a chat with them.

Inertia · 02/01/2016 21:48

I would be hugely tempted to enter into the spirit of things and buy wildly unsuitable gifts for MIL and SIL. Surely they are doing it to see how much crap you accept before you ask them what they actual fuck they are doing - no adult with any clue about social interaction could possibly think that a half -eaten tub of free sweets is a suitable gift?

Anyway, I would open the bidding for your Mil's next present with a pair of minion pyjamas (aged 8), a tin of pilchards, and one of those crinoline dolly loo roll covers, ideally from a charity shop.

For SIL: a opened and rewrapped (in clingfilm) packet of hobnobs from the reduced counter at Tesco, a partially (and preferably incorrectly) completed Take-a-break wordsearch book, and an unwrapped bar of soap.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 02/01/2016 21:49

Me and my brothers had a competition this year to see who could get my dad the crappy picture as a joke.

I gave him it and he opened it and went are you ripping the proverbial, I just said seriously 'what do you mean?'

Then my brother went over and gave him not one but two and he said to him 'what are these for?' and he said putting on the wall and he just went 'oh'. I think comments like that would be appropriate about gifts for yourself.

For your dd, Id say oh she will love this when....(she's four/five/older/a two year old boy 😂)

Funny thing is, my pictures now up on the wall and my brothers aren't. So I lost. We shall do the same next year with a different object 😂 we still got them real presents too though.

cosytoaster · 02/01/2016 21:51

YANBU

DH and I struggled massively for money this year (mat leave pay) but still put the same thought and as much money as we could into each gift -don't in future, just make sure you reciprocate with odd, crap gifts for them.

Inertia · 02/01/2016 21:52

Cross posted with all the above posts about genuinely getting gifts like this - I'm stunned that people really do this!

AlwaysStarving · 02/01/2016 21:54

that is hilarious...pissing myself Grin

BathtimeDuck · 02/01/2016 21:56

My DC is six months old. ILs got her a couple of biros. Obviously I think she is gifted but even so, she can't even talk yet.

Diane31 · 02/01/2016 21:59

I think the pressies to you are probably meant as a joke (i.e. we only really bother with the children) but the inlaws do sound a bit strange; or like they can't help it. I would pick out some that can be saved for when she is older and wrap them at the appropriate time. I would tell them not to bother again as well or ask them just to get her one pressie or a voucher.

mareseatoatsanddoeseatoats · 02/01/2016 22:00

someone bought my dd a brand new, very expensive coat for her first birthday. It was age 5, they said they had bought her something to grow into!

but seriously op, those presents are awful. obviously no thought has gone into them at all. I would make your dh say something

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/01/2016 22:01

Brilliant retaliation present suggestions!!

looki · 02/01/2016 22:07

OP you do realise they are deliberating giving you rubbish presents for their own kicks don't you?

I would re-gift similar rubbish back to them and use the money you would otherwise have spent on their gifts to buy your DD something nice.

Oh and I would ask that any future gifts for your DD are in the form of charity donations etc. Nip it in the bud as far as your DD is involved asap.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 02/01/2016 22:07

It sounds like they are mean spirited arseholes who buy for you because they have to, not because they want to. And therefore they pick up any old shit to give to you.

I'd be really upset if it were me to be honest.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/01/2016 22:12

I think hobbes8 is right. It's not just one bit of tat but a collection put together.

They haven't just wrapped the first thing they found, they have collected this stuff.

Give shit back!!

LavenderRain · 02/01/2016 22:14

SIL used to give us a family hamper each Xmas which was a lovely idea but has us in stitches at the contents,
For example, there are 5 in our family and in the hamper there would be;
3 diaries
2 paper hats
4 biros
3 bottles beer
2 cans lemonade
Random shower gels
1 flannel
A bulb to plant in the garden
We used to soooo look forward to opening the hamper and arguing who should get what Grin

One particularly good year we had a homemade Xmas pud with its own layer of mould Shock

I miss those hampers!

CFSsucks · 02/01/2016 22:17

Given they are capable of getting (very expensive) and thoughtful presents, I'd say they are doing it on purpose. What a load of shit! I'd bin the lot then put as much thought and money into their presents as they do into yours in future.

Lasaraleen · 02/01/2016 22:21

Ha ha this sounds just like my MIL. She works in a charity shop and picks up any old crap to wrap up. She's been doing it for years, and hides stuff in cupboards round her house, so often the gift is dusty and dented as well as crappy.

Never had anything quite as good as a giant tin of sweetcorn, but this year I got a pack of aged yellowing paper doilies. Kids have had endless half filled in activity books or sticker books without the stickers. They have been great for practising how to receive unwanted presents (smile, thank you, put in box for charity shop).

looki · 02/01/2016 22:23

Lasaraleen don't you ever feel like bringing your MIL's gifts back to the charity shop she works in :)

PruneCat · 02/01/2016 22:26

I nearly died laughing at 'out-of-date industrial size can of creamed corn', 'Tesco bag for life' and 'adult duvet.' There was me, feeling sorry for myself because my DH bought me a wok for Christmas when HE'S the one who likes stir fry! Sorry you have to deal with this awkwardness. Perhaps this is why God created Amazon wish lists.

Lovelydiscusfish · 02/01/2016 22:35

Most of the stuff they've got you sounds like it will be useful at some point? And you may be surprised - I can vividly remember putting gifts like activity packs, onesies. etc away, thinking I wouldn't need them for ages, but it can be surprising how quickly dc grow into things (clothes and toys, activity packs etc) so I always ended up being grateful for these things.
They obviously aren't being as thoughtful as they could possibly be, but oh well, smile, say thank you, pop it away somewhere and try to remember it, and it may well come in useful some day.

Noodledoodledoo · 02/01/2016 22:36

We had a neighbour who always gave me and my sister a joint present most years. They always smelt of jumble sales - all her gifts did - even the box of chocolates my mum used to get.

One year we had a pair of stockings to share - we were around 12/10 at the time and not really stocking wearers!!

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