to be upset about this reaction or lack thereof?

[Ciabattavonbreadsticks]

So, I recently got engaged

MIL to be is really happy & excited, 5 minutes after telling her she'd posted it all over facebook saying congratulations etc. I was planning to wait a little bit before announcing it on fb, especially as I hadn't told any of my family yet but since she'd put a post up I thought I may as well. So I posted a picture of my ring and so on. Told my family over the phone.

My parents weren't overly happy or unhappy just rather blank about the whole thing. No congratulations or similar, just concern from DM*

*Background - a few years ago I got out of a bad relationship with exH who was emotionally and physically abusive amongst other things.

Now, I understand that in the past I haven't made great relationship decisions but DP is the polar opposite of exH and we have been together almost three years so I feel fairly confident that I'm not going to repeat my mistakes.

Aibu to be upset that not a single member of my family has said congratulations or anything similar, not even a 'like' on my status or picture? I know fb isn't important in the whole scheme of things and if they had spoken to me about it off fb I wouldn't be so bothered but I've just had no reaction from any of them.

My closest female friends are both going through relationship issues at the moment so I'm not expecting them to be dancing on the rooftops about my news but they have reacted similarly.

I've had loads of 'likes' on fb from random acquaintances but no one that I actually love or care about seems to give a damn

I think, tbh, at the time with exH I did see there were some warning signs but I got pregnant quite quickly and I really wanted our child to have a proper family so I just kept waiting and trying to make things better but it obviously never got better.

I think three years is a ok gap autumn. Dp and I knew each other as friends before we got together as a couple too.

Fair enough blue, I don't expect a party until the wedding day and I appreciate that they might not see it the way I do, especially second time around, just a congratulations would have been nice

My parents barely reacted when I got engaged, I think like some other posters have mentioned it was a lot to do with the fact that I had been married once before. I also live overseas from them so they didn't know my now dh at all. When we visited them shortly afterwards we felt a great sense of distance from them and after we returned home from our slightly awkward visit my mum let slip over the phone that she felt so upset at the way we had acted like polite but distant house guests, not family. I really don't think my parents realised how cool towards us they had been and how uncomfortable we felt, especially my now-dh who was meeting them for the first time. Honestly my parents weren't happy that I got divorced in the first place so I'm guessing there is still an undercurrent of disapproval about my life choices mixed in there.

Congratulations wouldn't go amiss, but tbh I don't know why anyone, second time around, would bother getting engaged. Just get married if you want to!

If no-one close to you has said congrats, I hate to say it but I think that means they probably don't like your DP for some reason. Has he ever done anything in the past to upset you? Maybe they are worried you are making a mistake?

I was in an abusive relationship.

Not until I got out did I realise how much my family had invested in me staying in it. Seems my happiness upsets them.

It hurts, I know. The reaction to my being pg was jaw droppingly disappointing.

Be happy, be safe and don't let anyone make you feel anything less than loved and supported.

I've been married twice and the second time I really didn't make any big deal out of an 'engagement announcement'. My family had been through it all before, we'd had a biggish wedding, I felt a bit embarressed if anything and kept the whole thing really low key (fortunately second marriage has lasted 27 years so far ).

I think if you are wise you will go and speak with them face to face.

Say you have picked up that they aren't enthusiastic. Go into the discussion with an open mind.

There's a few times I wish I'd done this.

It's no use guessing. Ask them.