To ask, if you grew up working class or not well-off and have done well for yourself?

[TheHouseOnTheLane]

Do you ever get a weird longing for the past and the way it was even though you know the reality wouldn't please you?

Do you ever feel a sort of guilt if you left your home town?

DH and I have done ok...we're not rich but have a lovely house in a very lovely town. Blah blah...DH is from a middle class family but I grew up in a steel town during the 70s in the UK...my memories are probably tainted but I sometimes hanker for the close community that was my home town...I feel guilt for leaving....or something...what IS it?

I dont miss it. Although maybe thats because I didn't move away as such - grew up in a rough part of London in a dingy council flat, now live in a nice part of London in a nice house.

I miss the times, iyswim - the sense of community, the fact that all the kids on my estate knew each other and 'played out' together - but that was in the 1980s. Its not like that now. I only know few people who still live there now and it has gentrified in a way (expensive house prices) but still feels grotty and rundown.

I mostly feel that my children have no idea how lucky they are - big house, own good sized bedroom, two reception rooms, big garden, holidays abroad. We had no garden and my siblings and I shared a room. Money was very tight. Holidays meant the boat to Ireland to stay in my granny's tiny cottage for a month with no proper plumbing or heating .

Sometimes, though, I fear they may be spoilt. We were so grateful for stuff, opportunities, anything really. My kids can be a little entitled, although we are conscious of it and try to get them to practice gratitude.

So agree with you.

I don't miss my childhood hometown at all. I do miss the north of England but where I grew up was grim. Hammered by the pit closures and no employment ever arrived to take their place. There was no hope, and I recognise the undercurrent of violence some posters above mention.
My school was crap. No expectations for us, just that you'd be knocked up or on the dole soon after you left.
Luckily, I was able to get educated ( in spite of my school) although my area had no post 16 education so i had to go across town on two buses and a hike. I got into uni, worked three jobs on top of a 42 hour a week course load and got my degree. Then bursaries for masters and PhD alongside crap jobs to see me through.

I'm comfy now - by no means wealthy but we do ok. My upbringing has marked me though. I get very stressed about money and I'm a compulsive saver. Dh grew up in a Scandinavian country and is aghast at tales of ice on the inside of Windows, houses with no heating, outside loos etc.

It took me a long while to give myself permission to spend on anything non essential. I still panic if I have unexpected expenses.
So no, I don't miss it one bit. Being poor is crap. It's stressful, it affects your physical and mental health.

I grew up on a council estate, where around 80% of the children - myself included were from a family on benefits. I had free school meals, the lot, and always imagined myself getting out.

I've moved away to a middle class area and earn quite a bit above the national average. I have been back to the area I lived a few times since. I don't feel guilty at all, I have worked really hard to be where I am now. It certainly hasn't been easy but that makes me appreciate it all the more.

I am incredibly careful with money and often feel guilty when I do buy new things. It's a bit of a running joke with my DP. Growing up where money was always an issue, I'm forever watching what I spend and would much rather save. All so my children won't have the same worries as I did.

I know how easy it is for anyone to fall on hard times. I've seen friends I had growing up and the life they lead could have so easily been my reality too. Of course, I'm sure many are happy: some not so much. I don't necessarily think that's a class thing though.

I didn't fit in then, and I don't particularly feel that I fit in now.... Maybe I haven't yet reached the place I'm supposed to be.

I think the thing I find hard (but is silly to find hard) is that my children have no concept of not having money for things, or of being poor. I think I just feel like that was an integral part of forming my character.

sometimes I pretend we can't afford something

Well we have "escaped" and have a second house we rent out. We rent it to my sister so that she can live securely in a nice house.

I agree that society is dividing more sharply into the haves and have nots. I don't see what I can do about it as an individual though, (except vote obviously). To be honest I believe that the 20th century, with it's period of greater social mobility and equality was largely an historical anomally. I think we are heading back to the rich and the rabble. Those with the power and the money have everything to gain and nothing to lose from this happening.

And can I just say as well that the British class system is responsible for so much misery. I now live in Sweden which is so much more egalitarian.
It's not about snubbing your working class roots. I'm proud of my family - but as they themselves said, they went down the pit so we didn't have to.
The sooner we smash this middle class vs wc vs uc shit and work towards lowering the shocking amount of inequality in the uk, the better.

There weren't really any benefit scroungers when I was growing up. I don't think it was a thing. Every single one of my friend's Dads worked, (mostly in the colliery)

Do you want me to spell out the bleeding obvious? Has it occurred to you that far from 'scrounging' it might be that the industrial base in this country has been systematically eroded and the jobs like your father and his mates had simply don't exist anymore?

"There are still plenty of hard working decent people living on council estates."

I have absolutely no doubt there are Usual - but I don't live there anymore. I only mentioned it as my own experience growing up wasn't how some people view council estates. They are not all the same and the people aren't all the same.

Don't really know why you're on this thread if it's offensive to you or upsetting. Peopke posting here mostly grew up on council estates from wc backgrounds. Their views and experiences of they are perfectly valid.

The term 'benefit scroungers' didn't exist back then. Maybe people have a bit more compassion and good grace? (...although I do remember the prick Tebbit telling people to 'get on their bike and find a job').

I remember in the 1980s, although I was a child, it was quite normal for 16 yr olds to leave school and 'sign on'. Unemployment was high. Lots of young, working class boys and men in my area were unemployed.

*had a bit more compassion

Element I grew up poor with none of the material things that other kids (of any class!) took for granted, even in the 70's/80's...like colour TV, a landline telephone, warm clothes, occasional sweets or holidays, etc. I was ashamed of our house because it was damp and we had no central heating. I remember ice on the inside of the windows being a regular thing and mum worrying if we asked for the electric fire on. We literally did not have a pot to piss in.

What you say about saving makes total sense to my grown up, rational brain....but on pay day I still tend to go a bit crazy and feel that I can never have enough "things" to make up for the poverty I experienced for so many years. I waste a lot of money on crap like shoes, clothes and handbags. My DM and DSis are the same. Luckily DH is very understanding and we can afford the odd splurge, but it's amazing the difference it makes if you grow up taking a certain level of financial security for granted.

I don't miss it, but I grew up in a London council flat and now live nearby (a mile away) in an expensive owned house, so I still feel quite connected to my roots. My siblings/parents still live on low incomes as well. My parents were disadvantaged due to ill health/education but were not neglectful or abusive. Agree with Skibadee that the differences I look back fondly upon are mainly to do with the change in times rather than an increase in income. I own my old council flat and rent it out so I spend time around there a lot, and I feel more of a sense of relief that I'm not restricted to that mindset any more.

I don't have a sense of belonging in my old area, but I also feel a sense of not quite fitting in my current social group, as most people I know here are from comfortable backgrounds and have never endured poverty like I did. Most of the time it doesn't make any difference, but sometimes a stray comment reminds me how different their outlook is.

My DD spent his early years in poverty as I was a single mum and we only got our leap in income when I got married. So she is not materialistic or spoilt at all, and is very aware of how much things costs. I feel guilty about that sometimes, as it shows how ingrained it is in her, and I spent all her early childhood telling her we couldn't afford thing and I feel sad that she missed out. But it does mean she's very sensible with money now and I know she can be financially independent in the future.

I don't know if I'd label myself as MC although I feel our income is far too high to claim to be WC. A lot of my interests and activities are what could be considered as MC and not things I would have been able to do when I was on benefits. But there are other MC aspirations and values that we don't have and I don't quite feel comfortable placing myself in that social group.

I don't sneer at WC people. They are often the kindest people you meet, a have to put up with a lot of shot from life.

I also think it's s bit less lonely now for an academic kid growing up in a former pit village or similar than most of us had it. My knowledge was limited to whatever books were in the local library, which thinking back was not very good. The Internet really does bring the world into your home.

When I grew up I had no idea what a university was until I was 16. I had no idea I could look into becoming a doctor, solicitor. Architect etc. Career advice was woeful. I got where I was thanks to the RN.

If your WC so many doors are closed to you because you don't even know they exist.

We live in a WC town albeit the 'posh end'. I have tried and failed to hang around with MC types the things that they deem important or get her up over just seem totally baffling to me. I guess my friends all have similar backgrounds to me. We would never judge anyone for being WC.

I think some WC people look at us that moved away as thinking we are better than those that stayed behind. Our lives have taken a different path that's all.

The concept, or perhaps rather the notion, of benefit scroungers has always existed.

I've never really had a sense of belonging. In many ways my upbringing was v mc but we were also dirt poor at times due to divorce. My parents have become more wc as they've got older and it's now that I feel the big gulf between myself and my friends. I feel like a fraud as I don't feel like a social mobility success story but I'm in a v different position to my peers, who will nearly all inherit huge amounts of money, went to private schools etc. I feel people don't really know how to categorise blurred distinctions.

My background is council house, abuse and neglect, youth homelessness and I didn't do well at school.

I have worked so hard studying, saving up, making good friends, and improving my mental health and personal worth.
I am now married, we own a house, I have a degree, I have a great job, one DC and one on the way. I drive too and I like my car. It makes me feel rich and successful. I'm not rich though! 😁

I get this, OP. I'm from a solid working-class background, did ok, moved away and now live in a "nice" ( not wealthy) part of a city. I so miss it (maybe I'm getting old). I miss the sense of belonging, of continuity down the generations, the self-deprecating wit. I know I don't really fit in where I am, but I don't fit in back "home" either.

I'm sad about dd not having the same experience of childhood as me, such as running round in a gang of village kids just having fun. We weren't poor, though, by the standards,of the time, just not very acquisitive.

I'm thinking more and more about the value of community as I'm getting older. It's something money can't buy.

I'm very similar OP.

Brought up on a council estate, and now have "done well" for myself.

I miss living on the estate, I miss the people, the pub, the shops. I also worry my children won't have the fun in childhood that I had - we had a big gang on our estate and had some of the best days of my life there.

Also feel I don't "belong" as an adult. The local school where my DC attend is on a council estate, and I know I'm viewed as a bit odd. I feel like saying "I'm just like you". But they wouldn't be convinced.

The worst thing is I don't fit in with my family anymore. I think they don't know what to talk to me about anymore. It's weird.

I live in a house that as a child we would have gasped at. I give thanks every day i drive in the electric gates (fuck it, stealth post) but keep waiting for it all to be taken away. I remember being kept off school as no clothes to wear. I've been lucky!

I would have thought most people class themselves ( not that they have to) as the class they were born into and brought up as. We still think of ourselves as wc ( always will) - it's probably other people who label or think of us as something different.

I don't think it matters so much anymore.

Some of the well off people on MN would probably think I am not well off. But I live in a 4 bedroom detached house. I never ever thought as a child that I could do that. When I was a child a posh house was a council house on a good estate. We lived in the kind of place that others who were working class were glad they didn't live or looked down on. It was very rough. More Shameless than Royle Family.

And anyone who went to private school was very posh. Nobody could have afforded the extras needed if you got a scholarship, never mind the fees.

but keep waiting for it all to be taken away

I can really identify with this! For years I have been waiting for that bad thing to happen that will throw me back into the world of being unable to pay my bills. I am thankful almost daily for what we have.

I think there is more poverty back home now than there was when I was growing up. There is very little affordable housing, hardly any jobs (unless you commute to the nearest city), and public transport is patchy and expensive. Plus university is so expensive nowadays that it is more difficult to get on in life via education. I was fortunate that university gave me a route to a better life. I might not have been so fortunate if I was 20 or 30 years younger. Social mobility has definitely declined.

I feel similar to many other posters. Single parent family, very little money until Mum eventually worked full time. Scholarship / Assisted Place to Private school - full fees paid, FSM, uniform grant and travel allowance when we started. Went to university and more by accident ( just needed a job) found myself in a professional well paid career. Lifestyle now a million miles from how I grew up - lots of holidays, children all in private school, lots of extra curricular activities etc. I do worry that they think this is an 'average' lifestyle. I'm definitely comfortable with the people around me now - but lack the natural confidence of those that grew up in this environment. I don't see any of my extended family from my youth - and would have nothing in common with most of them.

I posted earlier and am sad at accusations that people are doing down WC people (whatever that means now, it probably differs from when we were kids anyway). Wasn't the thread about people's individual reactions to their own life changes?

Where I lived, a lot of people stayed, and are (I think?) perfectly happy and thriving doing whatever they're doing. Great. Some of them are hairdressers and work in shops - great. I don't care, a job is a job and that's it. It just wasn't for me. I think if you've heard people doing you down day after day for doing well at school or wanting to move away, yes you do hold a bit of resentment against those people. They were rude and unpleasant and bullying and thick - not all, and I certainly don't think c.20 people represent the British working classes over three decades.

But reading comments about how people like me seem to think we're better than others makes me remember how eager I was to leave and tbh makes me happier that I did. I would have gone mad otherwise living with that sort of shit.