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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they might have mentioned this?

39 replies

operaha · 02/01/2016 09:58

Try and make it brief. My ex is now seeing my friend. I sort of worked it out via a pic of them on fb, he's not on there but I'm friends with her.
We live in such a small town, I saw them or together but in a big group a couple of weeks ago, no mention.
Split was 2.5 years ago, she's not someone I see a lot but a good friend, was actually with me when he first asked me out many years ago!
It's fine, I'm ok with it, but due to social circles etc there was no way of avoiding me finding out and he still sees my children regularly (ie spent all day with my son yesterday) so it's not like he hasn't had the opportunity to mention it.
Meh, it doesn't matter, I just feel quite gutted neither of them thought to mention it. Just before I realised, I'd invited her over tonight!
No reply funnily enough.
Should they have mentioned it?
Before anyone says I'm obviously not over it, yes I am, my choice and a whole other side to this is how badly he treated me,which she knew about...

OP posts:

amarmai · 02/01/2016 13:05

if she is going to be your dcc's stepmum, better to keep things ticking along maybe.

TeaFathers · 02/01/2016 13:22

any old pair of trousers will do for your friend, clearly.
she's not much of a friend and quite frankly, sounds like a desperado.
rise above it and leave them to it. let her have the booby prize.

Original poster

operaha · 02/01/2016 13:32

Oh I'm over it, thanks! I'm mourning the loss of a friend, not him.
He's not my children's father, but my ds is very close to him as he was his stepfather for 5 years.

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AyeAmarok · 02/01/2016 13:40

YANBU. I don't necessarily think he should tell you, but as she is still your good friend, and she should have loyalty to you, she definitely should have. It's just good manners, if nothing else.

She's maybe waiting until the point where it becomes 'serious' to tell you, so that you feel you can't say anything because they're so in lurve and you are a good friend that would want her to he happy. Bit underhand, that tactic.

She should have been upfront with you that either she was going on a date (if that's how it started), or they'd hooked up at a party or whatever. But then she'd look like she was desperate for a relationship with anyone, even friend's exes.

I don't think she's a good friend.

AnyFucker · 02/01/2016 13:44

Yes, they should have mentioned it

If only to save to you from "last to find out" syndrome

That's what people who respect and have consideration for you do. Sounds like an epic fail from both of them on that count.

Original poster

operaha · 02/01/2016 13:52

Oh ffs. As I said before, it really messes with the dynamics of our social circle and bang, my dp has just been to see me to tell me we're invited to another friends birthday drinks tonight. She will definitely be there. So probably him too.
What do I do?!

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2016 13:55

Just go. Hold your head up high and go along - don't let their relationship cut you out of your social group. As you said, you're over him - it's her that you now have the issue with, or more likely, she now has an issue with you (embarrassment, hopefully!)

It may be a non-issue when you get there, as they may both completely avoid you; but if it's thrust into your face, then have a snappy comment ready for them - one that clearly says "on your head be it" without sounding bitter (best of luck with finding one!)

AyeAmarok · 02/01/2016 13:56

You text her to say "sorry, need to retract my offer to meet up tonight as I've to go to X's party, hopefully see you there if you're going?".

Then she knows she either needs to fess up if she wants to bring your ex, or not bring him, or bring him and look stupid for not having the guts to tell you.

AyeAmarok · 02/01/2016 13:58

Or have some fun with it:

Don't tell her, turn up, and if she's therewith him watch them both squirm.

Actually do this and report back, will be fun for us too!

Original poster

operaha · 02/01/2016 14:00

Depends on location, if it's near to mine I will go, but I have a new puppy so if it's the other pub which I expect it will be I'd have to drive and no way am I attending without some Dutch courage

OP posts:

ScoutandAtticus · 02/01/2016 14:08

I think the friend should have told you. It would perhaps make me question other things about her and whether she was such a good friend.

TeaFathers · 02/01/2016 14:13

i would go. hold your head high and let them do the explaining.

diddl · 02/01/2016 14:29

Well forewarned is forearmed!

Go out & enjoy yourself, be polite to them if necessary.

Original poster

operaha · 02/01/2016 16:55

Sadly, lol, it's not happening, we're not going. Weather is shit, dog is a baby and I'm firmly wedged on the sofa with my book.
I'm sure it won't be long before we bump into them, I'll just be polite. Obviously!

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