to be a bit offended by this?

[witchmajor]

sorry if this sounds trivial, it probably is but has been bothering me a bit lately...

I'm fairly ok-looking, probably average, nice features but nothing special. I do like my hair though - it's long, blonde and quite thick, and I'd say it's my favourite thing about myself

anyway if i ever get male attention eg on holiday or when with other "prettier" friends, sometimes they'll say, "oh, it's the hair, just the hair"

I don't get what reaction they want?! It just sounds like they're trying to bring me down sometimes, oh you're not pretty so don't get ideas above your station, but you do have nice hair

anyone get what I mean? it's not so much a complaint, more don't bother commenting unless you have something nice to say...

[witchmajor]

I know aeroflot and that's exactly what grates - I'm not pretty but frequently get compliments on my hair...

It's giving me a complex tbh, I know it's not about looks obviously, but it's reiterating the truth really (and my big insecurity) that I'm essentially unattractive short of the fucking hair

[witchmajor]

Even when I went on a date other day, the guy was very sweet and complimentary (beautiful, stunning yes he was drunk! and i was wearing very make-up!!) and then suddenly he said, yeah when I saw your hair

i feel like a fucking ogre with a mane of weird feminine hair sorry all

[witchmajor]

above post doesn't make sense... my point is that even when i do make a huge effort and i get compliments, people will say I look nice, but then say oh your hair looks nice. just reiterates that the mean girls are completely right, they don't want me getting ideas above my station and thinking it's my good looks (yeah right) or sparkling personality that gets me attention, i'm below average with nice hair...

[xmasseason]

Call them on it. "What do you mean by that?"

[Aeroflotgirl]

witch I am sure you are very attractive, it goes beyond looks as well. God your friends sound dull, they only have their looks, no intelligence. The right guy will see the full package. I am short, stumpy, with mousy brown hair, not particularly attractive, my husband liked my looks and personality, you will find the same. Ditch those 'friends', friends make you feel good about yourself and support you, those don't and encourage your insecurity.

[Mmmmcake123]

Hey OP, they do sound jealous but you also sound like you are giving it too much weight. You describe yourself as below average but you're clearly not some sort of ogre. You need to be kinder to yourself. Most women are not perfect in every way, how could they be?
If they were to refer to your hair again in this way, I would embrace the statement and say something along the lines of, 'I know, can you believe it, my mane is a man magnet lol. Or maybe they are attracted to my sexy yet subtle feminine demeanour!!'

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

I would call them on it by "naming the frame" so say
"Yes you're absolutely right. It is just the hair. Everything else about me is average or unattractive. I don't have a pretty face like you do."

And then give them a look as if to say "is this what you want me to say?"

[witchmajor]

thanks, that's really kind of you to say

in fairness the guy i went on the date with did actually say he thought I was pretty etc, and only mentioned he liked my hair much later on as an aside. I think perhaps I am reading too deeply into things, it's embarrassing when someone you don't know compliments you and you're like, what me, really?! just smacks of desperation/insecurity doesn't it!

[BlueJug]

OP I'm sure you are attractive - not ugly with beautiful hair. You are attractive, good company, nice to be with, maybe you have nice skin, nice eyes a lovely smile - I dont know - but because people notice your hair and compliment you on it does not mean the rest of you is ugly.

I always got comments on my hair and my big breasts, (which I hated). My SiL has amazing legs and felt that men were only interested in them. In the end men that do see you that way will be the sort to see any woman that way. Another friend has flaming red hair and got a load of men who "always wanted to go out with a red head". Idiots.

It sounds as if the friends are not making your life better. Find new friends. And why not cut your hair, colour it, change your look for a bit and see how you feel? Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself though.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Are you suggesting that if your best features were removed then you would be less good looking?

May I joint the club please? My waist line and eyes make me look damn good. With worse ones I would look disproportionately worse. So?

One mean jealous girl likes to imply that your hair is your only good feature. She is a cow. tbf it's only one woman who tends to say it

but I have had it before from someone else who i only knew vaguely One almost random stranger said they only liked you for your hair. That one acquaintance is a rude twat who isn't that into you.

then suddenly he said, yeah when I saw your hair Someone complimenting you on your best feature is normal! Someone noticing your best feature first is completely normal. It doesn't mean they think the rest of you is a steaming bag of poo!

[TiredButFineODFOJ]

1. You do have nice hair. Why shouldn't you accept a genuine compliment about it?
   
2. Date guy knows nothing of your twunty mean girl friends.
   

Don't listen to friends and overthink it.
Practice saying "thanks I just had it cut/tried a new conditioner" when hair is mentioned.

[Bogeyface]

It took me years to be able to simply say "Thank you" when complimented. I would always say "Oh no I look like shit!" or "oh shut up, you are just saying that!" Now I say "Thank you" and smile. I accept the compliment at face value, even if I am feeling less than my best.

You know what? I started valuing myself more. Because if they thought I was worth complimenting then I was happy with that and accepted it graciously. It does wonders for your self esteem, far better than tearing apart every comment such as realising that "Wow, you look great!" when you have made an effort doesnt necessarily mean "Wow! You normally look like shit!", it means that they have noticed that you have scrubbed up, just as you probably have with them.

[Caprinihahahaha]

Well it could be worse, you could have shit hair.




I do completely understand what you are saying but, honestly, I would really encourage you to stop focusing on the negative because ultimately you are kind of saying 'it sucks that I have spectacular hair'.

Yes they are being unkind but it's still a backhanded compliment which truthfully says quite a lot about their own insecurity. They won't begrudge the attention you get unless they are (like you and most of us) less confident than they seem.

I would really honestly try to laugh and say 'I have got fucking awesome hair. Try not to be jealous pubehead - green isn't a good colour for you' . Do you lot tease each other like that?

[sykadelic]

OP if you weren't attractive your hair wouldn't matter a jot. Honestly think about it. Can you seriously recall any instance where a guy zeroed in on your hair, fawned over your hair and made zero contact with the rest of you? If you were ugly (or mean) then your hair wouldn't matter because you could easily dye it, cut it, wear it differently...

Think about guys you find attractive and it always starts somewhere. Hair, face, shoulders etc but if the rest isn't on par then it's not like you're only going out with/kissing him because he's got a nice jacket on!

Have you ever thought that she's actually saying it's your hair that makes you more attractive than her? That she thinks you're on the same level of attractiveness as her but your hair tips the scales into why he picked you? What this friend is saying is she's hugely jealous of your hair and HER insecurity is the fact hers isn't as lovely as yours is. It could be skin colour, it could be eye colour, it could be boob size or butt size but all of us have at least one attribute that draws the men in... and yours is obviously your hair. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I would try and have a chat with this particular girl though, or if you're not comfortable with that withdraw a bit. She is being rude and I would say that to her "It's actually quite hurtful when you say guys are only interested in me because of my hair. I'd like to think you believe my personality is the thing that keeps them hanging around as well!"

[Sianilaa]

I think you should put them up on it next time. And if it happens again, new friends are in order!

Women who put you down to anke themselves feel better, or just because they are jealous, etc - are no friends!

I went travelling with a friend one and ended up getting a fair bit of attention in Italy. She very pointedly said "it's got to be a scam to rob you, because they always target the fat, ugly ones who will fall for it and be pathetically grateful for any attention."

She may well have been right (and I am both fat and ugly) but what a horrible thing to say to a so-called friend. She showed her ugly insides to me that day and we are certainly no longer friends.

I also had another "friend" who I overheard bitching about me to someone else - "how does someone as ugly as HER get a boyfriend when someone like ME is still available? I'm so much better looking than her. I can't understand it."

My point is, I'd ditch the friends!!

[missymayhemsmum]

Are you sure that it's not just friendly teasing about the bloke-magnet effect of long blonde hair? Your friends probably think of you as being just as pretty as them, if not more so.