To ask what the standard expectation with a newborn actually is?

[Cornettoninja]

I had dd four weeks ago on Sunday and am still very much finding my feet. In my mind it wasn't a great birth, physically there was a fair bit of intervention and injury to recover from, and I don't have any female family and very few close friends so am finding myself questioning whether I am being a lightweight or if I'm doing ok.

I'm getting massively mixed messages from people (sometimes the same people) about what I should be capable or want to be doing at the moment. In one breath I'll be congratuled on getting out the house and the next feeling belittled for refusing an invitation because when their baby was this age they took them mountain biking in the Himalayas just for a laugh.

For context I have good and bad days, some house work gets done (mainly when people are due over) and I'll be dressed and presentable, but then there are days like today where I have taken the baby carrier out of the box with the intention of strapping dd in and sorting out some house work, taken one look at all the straps and abandoned it to sit on the sofa in my pj's and eat matchmakers between feeds feeling guilty.

This week has been a busy one and this is the first day I haven't had to be somewhere or travel to anyone and frankly I'm shattered but can't shake this vague feeling I should be doing something and if I admitted this to anyone I'd be massively judged and earn another medal worthy anecdote.

Is there a standard cut off point where flaking because of the baby is pathetic? If I'm still up and down at say.. two months, are more eyebrows going to be raised?

[Ratarse]

I'm sorry, I've not read the thread so it has probably already been suggested, but have you joined a December babies post natal group on here? I've been in one for a few years and a lot of the ladies on there I can count as real friends, we know that in the group we can say anything about how we feel as parents, our worries about the children, anything really. It might not be for you but have a read and introduce yourself.

You sound like you're doing great by the way. Have you looked round your area for mums and tots groups? They keep me sane.

[FuzzyDucker]

Not rtft but just wanted to add, my ds is now 1.5 years old and I still have days where, if I don't have to be somewhere, we just hang out at home or in the garden and ignore all housework/doing anything useful and then serve up frozen pizza for tea because I didn't fancy cooking (and ds likes to grab my legs and try and play games or read books when I stand at the stove or sink... Oh well!) I also have days where I'm super efficient and clean the whole house and bake a pie from scratch or something equally 50s housewifey. The former days are more prevalent though!

You don't have to do anything other than get yourself and your baby through the day in one piece. Rest, recover and enjoy it. X

[DrCoconut]

Timealone, I often wonder why baby groups are so early in the day. I can think of many reasons (tired mums/maybe dads, other DC to take care of, school runs to do etc) why 9am is a bad idea, not so many why it would be a good idea. Even shifting them to the afternoon 10 or half ten would be so much easier on people.

[missymayhemsmum]

Rest. Look after yourself. The whole Christmas rubbish will have meant that you have probably been out and about and social much sooner than you otherwise would have so now is your chance to rest, and zone out with your baby. Sleep when you can, read a novel, and don't do anything you don't want to or have to do for a few weeks. Cuddle up and emerge in spring. Seriously, it sounds like you need rest to recover from the birth, and taking the rest you need is an investment in your health and baby's wellbeing too. Cut yourself some slack!

[Karoleann]

Its just varies with the child....with my three I've felt awful (hormonal, antisocial and grumpy) for at least the first couple of weeks) and then had mastitis with the last two.
I really enjoyed going to the post office to post stuff as it gave me a sense of achievement! I really do feel as though I've been run over by a bus after having the children and although I've had friends who've been at soft play the day after that could never be me.

DS1 was a horrible baby and I if I even emptied the dishwasher when DH got home that would be an achievement. but luckily the next two were pretty easy and at times I was bored.

You do need to get out though, so do what you can meet with friends, but don't worry if you have a bad day. These first few weeks are for you and your baby to get to know each other - not for anyone else.

[Tink06]

You sound like you are doing great - have no expectations and take each day as it comes. I think you can only do this with your first so enjoy the lazy pj days.
We still have them now - especially when the weather is like this.
Ignore competitive comments - they drive you mad- and don't tell the whole story - only the good bits.

[DelphiniumBlue]

Its very early days, and it sounds like your body is still mid- recovery.
If you are breastfeeding, that in itself takes out huge chunks of your time and can make you very tired.
I remember feeling like you ( many years ago) and then counting the amount of time I spent feeding Ds. It was 13 hours on one memorable day, no wonder I was tired! And I found that as the baby got bigger,his milk requirements increased, and I'd need to spend roughly one day in three at home, on the sofa, feeding him more or less all day.
Just remember, you're not doing nothing, you're still growing and sustaining a baby.

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

Cornetto we have a fb group for dec 15 mums if you are interested in joining. Pm me for further details if you want

[tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit]

I'm in a FB group for DD's birth year that's a spin-off from a mumsnet antenatal group.

It's been a huge source of support, company and fun, OP I wholeheartedly recommend giving it a go!

[Youcantscaremeihavechildren]

My baby is 9 months old and I'm having a flaky day on the sofa today because he was up half the bleeding night. Give yourself a break, don't overdo it and listen to your body.

[Littlef00t]

Don't forget you're on night shift as well as day shift. And if you're breastfeeding, just take a look at how much your LO is growing, that's a big job.

[Anotherusername1]

My ds is now 13 so I am going back a few years!

I went out for the first time when he was a week old to a NCT group member's house a few minutes walk away. I tried to do one thing a day when I was on maternity leave, going to the supermarket, a cafe, someone's house.

BUT my son was a fantastic sleeper. From 5 weeks old he slept about 6 hours at a stretch and by 12 weeks he was sleeping 12 hours. You can do a lot more when you get your sleep. And I only had one baby to worry about, no toddlers or older kids.

Yes some people do mad things with babies. But I wonder if they really enjoy them or just put lovely photos on Facebook to try to convince themselves. A baby is awkward baggage. I'd rather wait until my kids are old enough to appreciate a trip away (and even better, old enough to remember it). Most of my early holidays were trips to Scotland when ds was very small as it was easy, English-speaking and people were really nice to babies. Mountain biking in the Himalayas would not have appealed! In fact, anything involving more than an hour's flight would not have appealed.

As for housework - it does not need doing when you have a small baby.