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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pisses off he got so drunk

101 replies

LazyDogJumpedOver · 01/01/2016 08:13

My husband and I stayed in last night as parents of two young boys we're just too tired to attempt any proper New Year's Eve celebration. We managed to stay up to midnight to toast the new year and were on our way to bed when his brother knocked to wish us a happy new year. Long story short: my husband ended going over to his brother's house. He said he wouldn't get too broken. I was fine with him going.

He came home at 3am absolutely plastered. The idiot went into the wrong bedroom and woke our one year old. Woke me, kept waking me throughout the night and is going to be broken for the whole day.

I am just so pissed off with him. Yes, its okay to get drunk but does he have to break himself? Has he no restraint? I would never get so drunk I'm not able to function the next morning because I'm a bloody parent.

I'm just fuming. I don't know what to say to him. I feel like either ignoring him and taking the kids out away from his hangover or just waking him up and dumping both kids with him. Both seem childish!

Grrrrr

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 01/01/2016 10:25

I would be seriously tempted to encourage the kids to jump on Daddy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/01/2016 10:25

if your gonna be a drunken idiot at least be a quiet one.

YouTheCat · 01/01/2016 10:27

Did you have plans for the day?

If not, I'd just write it off and have a duvet day with the kids.

Alicewasinwonderland · 01/01/2016 10:28

YANBU

Yes, it might be NYE, so what? It's suddenly acceptable to ignore your kids for 12 or 24 hours? Unless you have arrange childcare, it's pathetic to get drunk when you are a parent, and get in a state where you are unable to care for the kids.

You have years before they are born, and years when they are old enough to get in any state you want, you should be mature enough to behave for the few years they are little and need you.

I guess I would just have a normal day pretending he's not there. He show no respect by disturbing the house in the middle of the night, so he deserves none for his hungover.

Original poster
LazyDogJumpedOver · 01/01/2016 10:29

PS - I suppose what annoyed me was we were going to bed together at 12.30 when his brother came over.

So it was unplanned and I was, up until 3am, having a nice evening and expecting a nice new years day with a functioning husband

OP posts:
MoMoTy · 01/01/2016 10:33

Did you have plans for tofay

diddl · 01/01/2016 10:34

He's a selfish twat really, isn't he?

Not only do you have to look after the kids with no help you don't even get to spend a decent day with him.

NYE-so what?

Can people really not have fun without getting so wasted that it writes off the next day?

OnePlanOnHouzz · 01/01/2016 10:36

I'd teach the little one how to play drums on upturned pots with ladles for drumsticks and crash old pan lids together as cymbals and maybe play with all the noisy toys in the toy box today !!! With the sound system turned up ! And not let up until you've had as much fun as you can handle !!! Tee hee ! Happy new year !!! Grin

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 10:41

What would that achieve that wouldn't be better achieved by an adult conversation later?

minipie · 01/01/2016 10:45

Let him sleep, make him coffee and breakfast when he wakes, love him and laugh at him

Good lord. What kind of surrendered wife advice is this?

OP I'd be really cross.

I think the best approach is expect him to do exactly what he would be doing if he wasn't hungover. So, get him to do just as much childcare, tidying, housework as he'd do ordinarily (hopefully he does pull his weight ordinarily). So, no special penalties or tit for tat, but no special time off either just because he is hungover. And he does owe you a lie in tomorrow since he's had one today - and next time your one year old wakes at night it's his job to resettle.

pictish · 01/01/2016 10:48

Dh has supported me under the same circumstances over the years. I had a (good) few too many and was useless in the morning. He left me the fuck alone to sleep it off, while holding the fort and seeing to the kids (we have three) and I have done the same for him.

if he had wanted me up at 9am for no reason other than I'm a parent now...I'd wonder what the fuck was wrong with him.

If he went out and left me with the kids to make a point, I'd think, "What a controlling arsehole."

diddl · 01/01/2016 10:48

"Good lord. What kind of surrendered wife advice is this?"

I know!

I might let him sleep, although I wouldn't be forcing the kids to stay quiet, but coffee & breakfast??

He's pissed by choice, not ill!

My kids wouldn't have let my husband sleep as they would have wanted to be with him.

MuchasSmoochas · 01/01/2016 10:50

My goodness it's New Years Day, he overdid it last night, not a big deal. Yes I would be kind to him. And are your children really such a burden to look after? I don't get it. Don't do any chores, just relax. He will owe you.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 01/01/2016 10:52

Why should she be nice to him when he's behaved in the exact opposite way to her?!

He's interrupted her sleep, woken the DC and ruined the day by staying in bed with a stinking hangover. Being nice to him/looking after him would be good advice if he'd come down with a bug or a bad cold, but not when he's feeling shitty because he chose to go out and get hammered with no thought towards his wife and DC at home.

I personally think going out and getting so drunk the next day is a write-off is what's controlling here. You're essentially getting yourself a day in bed/off parenting duties and the other person has no choice but to suck it up because you're not capable of functioning!

pictish · 01/01/2016 10:52

Muchas - absolutely.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/01/2016 10:53

SugarDiabetes I agree.

LikeADivil · 01/01/2016 10:54

He did well to get hammered within 2 and a half hours!

He seized the day. That's all.

MoMoTy · 01/01/2016 10:59

Agree with pictish too.
Why was it that he had to go to bed with you at 12.30? And he went out with his brother for 3 hours not the entire night.
On this occasion I don't think you have a point of being reasonable.

But for the other regular instances it's happened you need to speak to him about it.

pictish · 01/01/2016 10:59

I get orange juice, bacon sandwiches and a duvet on the sofa when I do finally surface. He's always very nice to me when I'm hungover, as I am to him.
Dh is sleeping off last night's excesses on the sofa as I type. I have bacon for later.
It's all good.

Topseyt · 01/01/2016 11:00

It is shitty behaviour whatever day of the year it is. I'd be laying into him about that and saying how disappointed you are that your New Year's Day has been wrecked too by his inconsiderate twattery.

Like fuck would I prepare him coffee and breakfast and laugh about it. It isn't a one-off as the OP says, and it isn't funny.

pictish · 01/01/2016 11:01

Jeezo.

FindoGask · 01/01/2016 11:05

It's not really "surrendered wife" behaviour to treat your husband like someone you actually like, rather than a disobedient man-child. The husband in this instance didn't intend to get hammered, he was on his way to bed, it's NYE, the brother turns up, the OP is fine with him going. Sometimes these evenings take an unexpected turn.

In the OP's shoes I would be irritated but I wouldn't find it that big a deal and I wouldn't want it to spoil the next day. I'd draw the line at making breakfast because I'm a lazy sod, but I'd manage a coffee and the same would happen if I'd been the drunkard.

I'm glad I'm in the sort of relationship where these things don't get recorded on some everlasting List Of Wrongs or used as ammunition for a day of sulks. We've got our problems but jeezus. Life's too short for that shit.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 01/01/2016 11:08

So much anger, bitterness and resentment from people. It must be exhausting being so mad all the time.

It's happened. It's not what you wanted to happen, but it has. It's in the past now. Just get on with things and talk about it later.

molyholy · 01/01/2016 11:08

pictish has the most normal/rational response.

VinylScratch · 01/01/2016 11:09

I wouldn't care about the lie in or hangover but I'd be letting him know I was pretty pissed off about waking everyone up when he came in.