To think that ds should be able to choose where he wants his toys?

[VicWillia]

Bit of background - ds is 5, split up with his dad 2 years ago, very acrimonious split which I try to keep hidden from ds.

Ds spends 3 nights with me, 4 with exh, this is due to him having his own room at exh's and not with me, this will change next year when I move to a bigger place.

Ds was given a remote controlled car by my dad for xmas. He loved it so much that when he went back to exh's, he wanted to take the car with him.

The next day, when I went to collect ds from exh, exh gave me the car in a bag. Said he doesn't want it in his house, doesn't have the room.

This is not true, he lives in a large 2 bed flat, I live in a tiny 1 bed.

ds was obviously upset at having to keep the car at mine, I asked him where he wanted the car and exh said not to ask him that because "hes a child and it doesn't matter what he wants"

Who is being U?

Don't think I'd want the noisy car banging into my skirting boards either. Plus it was given by your dad, so it should stay at yours. But his comment was a bit o-t-t re the child having no say about toys. Mind you, I say which toys get bought and where they live, because I am the adult.

I can see this is a practical inconvenience for adults. On the other hand and off at a bit of a tangent its an inconvenience for a child having to handle two homes with different possessions and different rules kept in each and being expected to transfer between the two, and at 5, parting with a favourite toy for half a week every week will feel like a big deal. That doesn't mean the toy has to go where he goes if it really won't work, but ex may need to prepare for this being the tip of an iceberg that ds will need both of your help to sort out in the next few years as he has more possessions and more of his own life that will have to travel from one home to the other. There are pros to 50/50 style residency but inevitably there are downsides too and this one of them, and ds may have more reason because of it to be sensitive to seeing his wants and choices being taken into account.

Thanks for the input all. Good points. I did think perhaps we were both being a bit U, its just I feel sad for ds because he has toys he really likes, which he wants to have with him all the time, but exh does not allow toys from my place into his place, God knows why, like he thinks I might 'infect' his house or something.

I just think that its not ds fault he has 2 homes and he should be allowed a little continuity if he wants it.

As well as the issues mentioned, perhaps he thinks it's going to cause less hassle in the long run.

If something that you or your side of the family bought DS, got broken at your exs, would you just let it go? Or would this become another issue?

Continuity doesn't always work.

Your Dad (and others) need to consider space when buying something.

Of course he should. But your ex is a git and doesn't care what his child wants.

Keep notes, with dates. I have a feeling you'll be glad of them.

I'd have been annoyed if I'd said no to something and my DP tried to use the kids to guilt me into agreeing

I agree with this. That was out of order and unfair to your ds.

He's only little and he's been living like this for years so it won't be that big a deal to him to have different toys in different houses. Unless the adults make it a big deal...

Don't be ridiculous Jux.

Your ex is BU - the toy belongs to the child not the house - my lot take things from here to their dads and bring things from their dads here.