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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit 🙄

46 replies

inlovewithhubby · 31/12/2015 12:10

Having a nye party, kids and grown ups, all in. Been asked by a friend not to have fireworks or balloons because her DCs are scared of them. My own children were the same and we just exposed them to them naturally until they outgrew it. We didn't avoid parties and certainly didn't add provisos to other people's. AIBU to think that aversion therapy is the best form of medicine?

OP posts:

vanillavelvet · 31/12/2015 12:57

YANBU

When did your friend make this request? Will it be easy enough to get back to her and let her know that you're sorry but it's all been arranged and the balloons have already been blown up? Or could it cause a massive fall out?

I think she's being very unreasonable, and cheeky. As mentioned up thread this is her problem to deal with, not yours.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 31/12/2015 13:00

Completely unreasonable to ask a host to change their party. I don't think your guests are being forced to attend, so if their children can't cope with balloons and fireworks then their choices are to get a babysitter, or not come.

If they want a party without balloons and fireworks, they can host their own.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/12/2015 13:01

We didn't have fireworks for bonfire night as a dog who lives near is terrified. My children chose to miss out this year.

I think not having them because these children are scared will completely undermine all the work you've done to get yours used to them. It reminds them they thought there was something to be worried about. I'd say to the mother that balloons and fireworks are part of the party and say she is obviously welcome to leave before X o'clock when they will go off. The children could play in a room without balloons but I'd be thinking its a faff.

MooseTrap · 31/12/2015 13:05

That's really odd if she has only just made this request. I think I'd say it's too late to change your plans.

Youarentkiddingme · 31/12/2015 13:07

My ds is scared of balloons and is not a fan of fireworks. So we decide where to go and what to stay at depending on how well he is coping. It would never occur to me to ask people not to have them

knobblyknee · 31/12/2015 13:07

Hurr1cane

Maybe you could get him one of those kids footballs that look like balloons

InQuiteAChristmasPickle · 31/12/2015 13:08

When I was little I hated fireworks, dogs barking, balloons popping, party poppers - basically any loud noise . I'm deaf but I have recruitment where noises that are loud sound very very loud and hearing aids don't (or didn't) block it out. Fireworks actually used to give me earache. They don't now, I love them.

If I was at a party where they had fireworks I would just stay in the house. Simples.

I remember at a friend's birthday party they let off fireworks (it was quite soon after Nov 5th) and I just stayed in the house. It wasn't for long, it's not like you'll be setting them off all night! As for balloons - I've never been to a party where there weren't any! They still make me flinch when they pop but a party isn't a party without balloons.

HackerFucker22 · 31/12/2015 13:13

My older DC is terrified of balloons and fireworks (and happy birthday being sung) so I just take him somewhere else. I would never dream of asking someone to change their party plans on account of my DC.

HackerFucker22 · 31/12/2015 13:14

I take him into a different room when happy birthday is being sung / fireworks. Balloons are more difficult to avoid burble is ok unless one bursts.

BirdsInMyPants · 31/12/2015 13:16

Does the child have sensory issues?

How old is the child?

Provided the child doesn't have sensory issues, Id compromise. I'd suggest keeping the child away from the balloons and ask around to see if anyone has ear defenders the kid could borrow.
But there will be a level of 'suck it up'.

TimeToMuskUp · 31/12/2015 13:17

I'm terrified of balloons. I hate the things with a passion and squeal like a tiny girl if the DCs bring them near me. I have them in the house, though, because the DCs love them, and my irrational hatred of them isn't enough to warrant my own DCs going without. If I can tolerate the bloody things, so can her DCs.

A friend's DC is coming to our NYE party tonight, and is sick at even the thought of fireworks as the smoke makes him gag. His parents just take him out of the room away from the smoke. Tonight he'll stay indoors when the fireworks go off. No big deal, they just handle him they way they know works without expecting others to change plans.

Sirzy · 31/12/2015 13:22

Ds hates fireworks, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to change their plans to accommodate that I would just not take him to a party that involved fireworks.

I am hoping he falls asleep early enough tonight not to be woken by the blooming things, but I'm not hopeful!

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 31/12/2015 13:24

YABU purely because you used an emoji in the title.

Balloons and fireworks, not so much.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 31/12/2015 13:25

Actually, I would probably ditch the balloons because they are a faff to blow up. To avoid that unde pr the guise of being considerate to a friend would be wonderful :o

Original poster

inlovewithhubby · 31/12/2015 13:35

Turkeysoup - you are so right about the damned emoji

It wasn't raised directly til yesterday because she knew we were aware of the kids being frightened - in retrospect we were but we're still a bit floored at the presumption.

Thanks for all the responses, a balloon free room is a great idea and staying inside while we do fireworks is perfectly reasonable. Happy new year all (no emoji to avoid Turkey humiliation 😳 Aaggghhhhhhhhhh can't help myself!!)

OP posts:

Leelu6 · 31/12/2015 13:38

YANBU. Very presumptious indeed! Let us know how it goes!

GloGirl · 31/12/2015 13:43

'Pander to the precious'. You sound like a shirty friend, you may as well say that outright to your friend, let her know where she stands.

Just because your children were only a little bit afraid of loud noises doesn't mean her children have such a minor phobia. If have no problem saying to someone I'd planned my evenine around what she was asking me to avoid so it would be a No but you sound really unsympathetic.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/12/2015 13:44

As Turkeysoup said - YABU to be a small square about this (all I can see, bloody stupid emojis).

But YANBU to think she can shove off if she thinks she can dictate your party to you!

Tell her that she's welcome to come still and to leave again if her DC can't deal with the balloons or fireworks, but you'll still be having them.

GloGirl · 31/12/2015 13:44

My god the typos! Too many to correct but one if meant I'd

bloodyteenagers · 31/12/2015 13:56

The friend and her children have the option of going elsewhere. The ops children don't really have that option. They enjoy (now) balloons and fireworks. Will probably be looking forward to them, so why should they miss out?

I would let her know now, the balloons and fireworks are still on the schedule.

The downside to a balloon free room is that other children will take balloons in there.

Hurr1cane · 31/12/2015 14:12

Knobbly, he'd find a way to pop it he always does. Even if it means breaking teeth

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