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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really anxious/worried about having guests for NYE?

23 replies

Arrowfanatic · 30/12/2015 20:48

DH invited two couples for NYE, they're lovely people and one of the couples we do see fairly regularly. So its not about them exactly.

My anxiety stems from my worry that they'll expect me to stay up till gone midnight. It might seem silly to worry about that as it is NYE after all but I have 3 young children who wake 5/6am, these couples are childless so they can sleep in all day if they want.

Also I have terrible insomnia so tend to keep pretty rigid sleep patterns as too much change exasperates the insomnia and can easily take me 3-5 hours to drop off. I'm usually in bed around 9-10pm to attempt to bank as much sleep as possible but I know on nye ill be so anxious about needing to fall asleep ASAP to be able to rise with the children that I probably won't be able to sleep through the worry of needing to sleep.

Gah, I wish DH hadn't invited them.

OP posts:

museumum · 30/12/2015 20:51

Your dh can do the 5am shift then. You get a lie in for a change.

ArkATerre · 30/12/2015 20:53

Or you get up with them then you go back to bed and your DH takes over.

Creiddylad · 30/12/2015 20:55

It is one night. It will seem odd if you invite people over and you go to bed by 10. Won't you still be at the table at 10?

Try to relax and have a good time, get Dh to do the early shift and enjoy yourself, have loads to drink.

BabyGanoush · 30/12/2015 20:55

Easy, explain to DH, he dies the 5am shift

Why not?

AppleSetsSail · 30/12/2015 21:01

OP I completely feel your pain. We had a good-friend couple who were childless for about ten years and I had anxiety with every visit. They now have very young children and ours are old enough to get up on their own, but sadly I don't really have the schadenfreude that I anticipated, I just feel really badly for the wife because the husband has carried on in the same manner like my husband.

Talk to your husband. Is he good about getting up in the am?

AddToBasket · 30/12/2015 21:06

I don't want to sound harsh but I think you are being a bit inflexible and letting yourself be ruled by anxiety. Try to enjoy it, for your DH too.

mrsmugoo · 30/12/2015 21:11

It's just one night, enjoy yourself.

I'm pregnant and have a toddler and even I will stay up to see the fireworks on tv

Scholes34 · 30/12/2015 21:11

It really would be strange to have people over for New Year's Eve and to go to bed at your usual time. It would be strange to have people over on any evening and go to bed at your usual time anyway. Relax and try to enjoy yourself and catch up on sleep over the next few days.

Junosmum · 30/12/2015 21:22

My DH has invited people to come over NYE. He has already explained to them that I am likely to go to bed around 10 and they are not to say anything other than goodnight. They are good friends so won't mind. I have ear plugs ready.

I'm not being antisocial. I just really, really need my sleep and I'm pretty useless after 10 - can barely hold a conversation, so I'd be no fun if I stayed up anyway!

Junosmum · 30/12/2015 21:23

So YWNBU to take yourself off to ed - do what you need to and what you feel comfortable with. Yes, it could be considered odd on NYE, but it's kinda just another night!

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/12/2015 21:25

I think the whole point of celebrating New Year's Eve is staying up to see the New Year in at midnight! I think your guests would be a bit flummoxed if you disappeared off to bed at 10pm! I think you need to discuss with your partner whether it is a good idea to invite people round while your children are still rising at the crack of dawn - it doesn't sound as if it was a joint decision! The bottom line is that New Year get-togethers are meant to be fun - it sounds as if this one is going to cause more anxiety and stress than it's worth.

NorksAreMessy · 30/12/2015 21:31

I feel the same about guests and insomnia and HAVING to stay up.
I am older now, and just drift off at 10pm, saying "I am just going for a little nap" but I understand you might be uncomfortable doing that.

Can you try and 'allow' yourself to have less sleep for one night and agree with DH that you will take it in turns to have a nap during the day? (Either he gets up early and has an afternoon snooze, or you do?)

Good luck... I will be buggering off to bed at 9.45 as usual and leaving teenage DS and pals drinking the year out :)

scarlets · 30/12/2015 21:32

Your hospitable DH must get up with the children (quietly, so you're not disturbed).

itsmine · 30/12/2015 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waterrat · 30/12/2015 21:37

I have been in this situation and honestly I think it's important you do go to bed when you want to. Call and tell them beforehand and explain that you qill be up at dawn and can't stay up till.midnight. It doesn't matter what they think.

merrymouse · 30/12/2015 21:39

I think you need to either

be completely honest with them in a light hearted way and explain why you will be in bed at 10.
get your husband to get up at 5
get up with the children, but go back to bed at 7/8 and have the rest of the day off as far as childcare is concerned.

Are they staying over?

patterkiller · 30/12/2015 21:39

Not something I do any other time but I have bought some red bull in the hope it will give me an extra hour.

AndNowItsSeven · 30/12/2015 21:41

You can sleep in the next day, your dh gets up with the dc.

CakeFail · 30/12/2015 21:45

I agree with some PPs that you should be able to go to bed when you want. If necessary, forewarn the other couples that you will have to go to bed early as your DCs will be up at the crack of dawn. If they find it odd, so what? It's not odd at all if you have DCs who are early risers! If they don't understand that, it's their problem IMHO.

Alternatively DH could do the 5am shift and you could stay up late.

bnotts · 30/12/2015 21:46

I have the same insomnia and small children who wake early. Past 10pm I am rubbish. Honestly no one cares that I go to bed early ( so long as you are a lovely host before then yours wont either. Make them conformable show them where everything is etc) We have a regular couple freind who love to stay as she goes to bed and reads like me while the guys stay up and talk rubbish. My OH is a night owl and also has full permission to go out if he fancies it on NYE as after 10 years he is used to me crashing. He is also totally incapable of waking in the night or early morning so have begun to make sure he appreciates that I have done the majority of night waking and early mornings for our kids.

Branleuse · 30/12/2015 21:53

i think stop worrying and just expect that you wont sleep and will be a bit fucked the next day.

Im a terrible sleeper and i dont do late nights very well, and if i go out in the evening I quite often dont sleep well, if at all, and yeah, early waking too.
If you want to socialise, just stay up. One night of no sleep is obviously not great, but its ok once in a while.

mrsmugoo · 30/12/2015 22:18

It really irritates me when people say their OH is "incapable" of waking in the night/doing early mornings.

No they're not.

You choose to let them off.

MooseTrap · 30/12/2015 22:24

If I was your guest and you were kind enough to invite me to celebrate nye with you and you explained that you have difficulties sleeping and have to get up early for your DC I would completely understand if you went to bed early. It really, really wouldn't be a problem at all.

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